Friday Donuts

A Hairy Situation

2012-01-27T09:47:00.001-08:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

Have you ever shaved your tongue? You see how it couldhappen, right? You're in the shower, shaving. You have a razor in your hand.For whatever reason, you decide to gargle with water from the shower head. Youspit-it-out and suddenly, you're in toothbrush mode. By the time you realizeyou’re not cleaning your tongue, you’ve shaved a piece off. Know what I'mtalking about? Has this ever happened to you? Yeah, me neipher.

As we begin a new cycle, can you imagine what wouldhappen if I forgot to send calendar reminders for the nextrotation? You can see how it could happen, right? Schedules get hectic, tonguesget shaved, and before you know it, you have a donut-less angry mob at my door.Yeah, well it didn't. Steve Hibbard kicks-off the new rotation on the rightfoot with four dozen delicious LaMar's donuts. We have most sizes and textures(including lots of specialty) for those extra sensitive tongues that may (ormay not) be out there.

Happy Friday!

The End of the Road

2012-01-20T07:37:00.000-08:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

All good things must come to an end. Ships sink (think theCosta Concordia off the coast of Italy), Super Bowl hopes can go up in smokewith one humiliating defeat (just ask the Denver Broncos) and, if you trust theMaya, the world will end this year (either that or they ran out of room ontheir calendar). Free speech on the Internet will end if SOPA and PIPAproponents have their way (and you buy into all the detractors’ hype). U.S.Military presence in Iraq, Jon Huntsman's presidential aspirations, and eventhe longest meetings eventually come to an end. And so to it is with the FridayDonut Club (dramatic pause). After 14 months, our current rotation finallycomes to an end today. On this the final day of the 12^th rotation,Tammy Fernandez makes her debut. Four dozen delicious donuts which willinevitably vanish. Next week, I'll be sending-out your assignments for the 13^throtation but for now come enjoy a donut before they're all gone.

Happy Friday!

P.S. Don't forget to check out my latest ramblings on theLevel 3 blog Beyond Bandwidth

Today's Donuts are Lucky... Really!

2012-01-13T07:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

Happy Friday the 13^th. On this lucky morning myhead was immersed in the clouds as I started my drive to work. I was wonderingwhat I might write when, wouldn’t you know it, up in front of me pulls-up apick-up truck with license plate number 077-WJP. Kind of eerie if you’resuperstitious. On this unlucky day, a car with your initials and two luckynumbers in a row must be some sort of omen. Of course, I don’t believe insuperstition, however I do believe in an objective Reality (upper case “R”, ifyou will) which exists outside of my individual perception (e.g. if I jump offa cliff, gravity will make sure I fall and die, no matter how hard I try tofly). I also believe each of us lives in our own individual version of thatreality (lower case “r”), a sub-set of the world we choose to focus upon basedon our preferences and limitations (e.g. I might find the view from the edge ofthe cliff amazing, you might focus on your own exhaustion from the climb andyet another may find standing close to the edge horrifying). Ideally each ofour realities should be consistent with Reality (parts of the bigger picture).From experience we know that is not always the case –still, so long as realityis not in abhorrent contrast to Reality, things tend to workthemselves out without much of a fuss.

In my reality, for instance, all my jokes are funny, myfriends think of me often when I’m not around and each of you enjoys receivingand reading all my Friday e-mails. In Reality these facts may notperfectly prove-out. On occasion, my frame of reference for a joke may not besomething to which you can relate or you may go days without thinking of me.You might even go as far as to not read all my donut e-mails… This morning, Ipropose a test –a reality check, if you will— to probe at my level of delusion.Having gone all of 2011 without a new Friday Donut Club rotation, next weekmarks the end of the current rotation (started November of 2010!). I would liketo minimize the re-shuffling of the calendar when I set it next Friday. Yourassignment, if you’ve gotten this far and you happen to be onthe “To” line of this e-mail, send me a note containing any dates between nowand the end of January, 2013 during which you wouldn’t be able to fulfill yourduties as donut boy/girl due to planned vacations and such (and of course, letme know now if you no longer wish to partake in the donut consumption). Ifeveryone is reading this (as my reality dictates), I won’t need to re-arrangethe schedule shortly after setting it. Regardless of how thistest goes, I expect to see many of you at my desk this morning to witnessfirst-hand the bounty delivered by Laurene Heinsohn (donut girl). Any Fridaythat stats with a donut is bound to be lucky. Really.

Happy Friday!

Donut Resolutions

2012-01-06T07:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
Happy New Year! A cheerful time for fresh starts and trying new things. The glass isn’t half-full, it’s full to the brim. This blissful optimism can lead to some rather unrealistic resolutions. Not that there is anything wrong with setting a high standard. Stretch goals are good, so long as they are also achievable, however…

If your idea of exercise is a leisurely stroll around the block, don’t resolve to complete an Iron Man –might I suggest you start with a 5K run and work your way up from there.
If your daily reading is limited to e-mail, you might not want to expand to world literature by dusting-off Tolstoy’s War and Peace.
If you’re running for elected office, don’t resolve to win by a landslide –eight votes may be all it takes

My guess is that if we all took this approach we might actually keep our resolutions this year (what a concept!).
Personally, this year I’m resolving to:

Listen more closely. Hopefully, by doing this I will interrupt others less and be able to provide better insights when I do speak.
Make more mistakes. This should be the result of trying more things outside my comfort zone (not deliberately setting-out to make mistakes).
Work on making my smile lines deeper. This resolution is more about the process than the result itself

Something else is new this morning. Warren Baxley (donut boy) has the distinction of becoming the Friday Donut Club’s first former Global Crossing member. His debut, as might be expected, is made-up of four dozen delicious LaMar’s donuts. Before your morning routine ties you-up, you should resolve to come on over, grab the year’s first donut and get that positive momentum going.
Happy Friday!

The Year's Final Donuts

2011-12-30T07:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

Tumbleweeds roll down office hallways and cobwebs growrampant on deserted keyboards. Creaking doors and phantom steps accompany us aswe reminisce on how quickly yet another year has left us behind. 2011 lays onits death bead, clinging to it’s final seconds of life (just 144K of them leftas of 8:00 AM). With many folks enjoying R&R (myself included), the officecan become a rather surreal place. On days like this, routines, old habits andtraditions can us help restore a sense of normalcy. A stroll to the break roomfor a coffee, a confident glance at the checklist with all the accomplishmentsawaiting you today, a quick fifteen minute read of your industry blog ofchoice. And so it is with donuts. This morning, I have it on good authoritythat on his debut as donut boy, Mon Miah has delivered an awe-inspiringselection of LaMar’s donuts. Since I’m not there to enjoy them personally, Iwill have to savor them vicariously through you. They await you at my desk, so,if you’re in the office today, come early and come often (It is my wish not tofind any old crusty ones awaiting me on Tuesday).

Happy Friday and Happy New Year!

I'm Dreaming of a White Donut

2011-12-23T08:02:00.000-08:00

DearMembers and Constituents,

On this white Christmas Eve’s eve, as work slows-down andthoughts turn to fruit cake and sleigh bells roasting on the open fire, I wishyou cheer and peace. May the generosity epitomized by the Indianapolis Colts –whohaving given away 13 straight games are now working hard to give away theirwell-deserved first pick in the NFL draft by staging a two game win streak–warm all our hearts and may this type of generosity not spread to the DenverBroncos (who should selfishly cling to their playoff spot). May this new year,which already boasts 20% fewer of the top 20 tyrannical dictators than 2011,overflow with pleasant surprises and the realization of longstanding goals. Maywe all smile more, be grateful for our families and be surrounded by truefriends. May our wealth be counted in positive thoughts others have of us andmay poverty, war, famine, disease and untimely death experience a 27.1%reduction in the year to come –granted, outright eradication would be better,but I’m trying to remain somewhat realistic. May the 30K Somali refugees inKenya’s Daadab camp enjoy the freshly pitched tents set-up to accommodate themand may the snakes that infest the area migrate elsewhere. May the stress ofChristmas decoration, shopping and hosting social gatherings vanish as werealize how lucky we are and focus our energy on helping the less fortunate.

Finally, may the three dozen donuts Tom Langer (donut boy)brings today contain that perfect mix and may your favorite donut await you atmy desk. May your calendar allow for you to get here quickly so your donuts areat their freshest.

Happy Friday and Merry Christmas!

P.S. I won’t be in next week but donuts will nonethelessadorn my desk on the last work day of the year (courtesy of Mon Miah who willmake his debut as donut boy for those of you working that day)

Mixed Metaphors

2011-12-16T07:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

Last night, after hearing from a friend he might need tore-schedule our lunch today, I indicated that would be fine, of course, andthat we should “play it by ear”. His response? “Play it by ear? Justremember that it takes two to tango, and that when the music stops we don’twant to end this lunch on a bad note J”.This provided a brilliant insight into the metaphors we use every day. It gotme thinking we ought to be deliberate in keeping our analogies in the samerealm for any given conversation. I’ve sometimes chuckled to myself whensomeone mentions we’re on a “fourth down and long situation” and we thereforeneed to “knock this one out of the park” (to which I’m tempted to respond,“don’t you mean this is the bottom of the ninth so we need to push it over thegoal line?”). Bottom line (accounting), once you pull an analogy out of the bag(magic), be prepared to stay in the same domain (feudal politics?). If youspeak of someone as being a diamond in the rough, stick with jewelry andmention the fact she wants to build a gold-pated network. If you observe twopeople are cut from the same cloth, you might tailor your message to observethey both believe a stitch in time can save nine. And so on. So, put on yourgame face and advance down the field to score yourself a donut.

Happy Friday!

New Jargon

2011-12-09T07:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

I think it's time for some new business expressions. Let'scome-up with some new clichés to replace the old clichés –just to mix-it-up abit. Here are just a few to get us started:

When someone goes off-topic, how about insteadof saying “we're going down a rat hole”, you use "we're engaging in rodentdwelling exploration"
When an idea does not have any merit, ratherthan saying it's a nonstarter, call it a Kyle Orton –for those of you who don'tfollow football, Kyle is no longer the starting quarterback for the Denver Broncos
When exploring a new idea, rather than saying"my hypotheses is" how about we use " this may be more akin to anovel than a biography, however…”
When someone's reasoning is flawed, rather thancalling it a circular reference, tell them their logic has the topology of adonut –which works on two levels, addressing circularity as well as gaps

Which brings us, of course, to the reason for this e-mail.Donuts have arrived on time courtesy of Karl Schaller (donut boy) who makes hisdebut this morning with four dozen LaMars. When you come over, perhaps you canshare a new business expression of your own.

Happy Friday!

In Unrelated News, Donuts Have Arrived

2011-12-02T07:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
Sometimes, two rather disparate ideas can become entangled by the words we use to express them. Not sure what I mean? Let me illustrate.

This week, American Airlines declared bankruptcy, meanwhile a credit rating agency kept American debt at the highest ranking
A documentary about the first American to hike an 8,000 meter mountain in the winter calls-out there are only fourteen of those. Nearly twice the height of all the fourteeners we are so fond of speaking of in Colorado (even though we don’t like to hike them in the winter)
President Obama has already visited more Swing states than any prior president. In unrelated news, he has also started talking about the possibility of an AIDS-free generation an affliction, one would presume, affects Swingers disproportionately. (Now if only we could get a quote from one of the President’s aids on the campaign trail, we’d have a double word entanglement)
U.S. relations with Pakistan are strained after Afghanistan-based troops had an altercation that resulted in the death of several police. Also dead this morning, Stan Mosel (PGA hall of famer)

This cold winter morning, having arrived from nearly a month in the warm Indian climate, Satinder Juneja (donut girl) delivers four dozen donuts –a delicacy (one would presume) she has sorely missed. Now that dounts have arrived, you should come on over and warm your soul by taking a sweet bite.
Happy Friday!

Grab your Walton donuts before they go the way of... the Waltons

2011-11-18T07:00:00.000-08:00

DearMembers and Constituents,
Acouple of pre-sets on my car radio lead to hip-hop and alternative stations (abyproduct of having two licensed teens). Driving to work this morning, myattempt to find suitable “jam” music led to Pitbull saying he should be“locked-up like Lindsay Lohan”. Needless to say, the analogy put a smirk on myface and got me wondering what others might be out there ripe for the picking.The ones I came-up with are fairly obvious and not all that great:

You need to get to work and stop whining like a ninety nine percenter
I’m feeling as stressed as the Euro
He’s such a flirt he fancies himself a Herman Cain
That medicine the doctor prescribed was as ineffective as congress

I’msure you can probably come-up with -or have heard- better ones (and I’m willingto bet we would all enjoy reading them, if you care to share). Speaking ofsharing something different, Julius Pasion risked life and limb this morning toget four dozen Walton donuts (located across the street from George Washingtonhigh-school). So come-on down and take advantage of this unique opportunity.One might go so far as to say it’s as rare as a U.S. secretary of statevisiting Myanmar.
HappyFriday!

Nigel Tufnel Day-light Donuts Are Here

2011-11-11T07:36:00.001-08:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
Eleven is a funny number, inasmuch as numbers can beconsidered funny. Not quite a dozen, and not a round number; wedged somewherein that awkward middle, symmetrical yet funny sounding. Then again, maybe itwas Nigel Tufnel of Spinal Tap fame's amplifier -you know, the one that goes to11- that inserted the "funny sounding" association in my head.Whatever the case may be, if you're a fan of the number, today's a good day tobe alive. In a little under three hours the clock and the date will be allones. If you count the seconds that's a dozen ones. Speaking of dozens, CarlosBelloso, donut boy, delights us with four of them (in Daylight Donutboxes). So, if you need “that extra push over the cliff” come grab one -or asmany ones as you like.
Happy Friday!

The Donutzone is Open

2011-11-04T09:14:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

The land of the gyro is stressing the Euro and folks eatingcalzone concern the Eurozone. The banks are upset they trusted sovereign debtand market low confidence follows a Greek vote of no confidence. I thinkDrachma and Lyra would not make the path clearer. As my 401-K crawls it’s wayto OK, my thoughts turn to donuts, they’re here, hip-horray! So come graba treat and if you’re still hungry, repeat.
Happy Friday!

P.S. I neglected to give credit (and this warrants an edit). Curtis Crawford’s debut did deliver a loot

A Special Interest in Donuts

2011-10-28T07:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

JP isn’t with us this morning, his schedule has him traveling across the country meeting with customers and presumably trying exotic new varieties of Donuts. He has left behind a few words for your consumption this morning along with your weekly donut fix.

According to a recent study by researchers at the University of British Columbia, it costs an average of $145 in campaign spending to sway the average undecided U.S. voter. This same study finds special interest groups get $71 in government subsidies for every dollar in political contributions they make. If you believe these statistics then the average swing voter costs taxpayers $10,295. Talk about high acquisition costs! This also means that if half of our next president’s billion or so dollar campaign spending comes from Special Interests, they should expect to get $35 Billion in taxpayer subsidies –and that’s the presidential race alone. Add congressional races (likely to spend another billion and change) –assume half is spent by the winning side and 75% comes from special interests- and you’re talking $60 Billion. How is this possible, you ask? Simple, that’s less than 2% of the federal government’s 2012 fiscal year budget… a rounding error. Still, like the old sage is reported to have once said: add a billion here and a billion there and pretty soon you’re talking real money.

When dealing with such large quantities, it helps if you provide a frame of reference to put things into perspective. The way I see it, if you were to take this money and invest it in donuts, you could give every man, woman and child in America a free donut every day for an entire year (assuming you can get them for $6.50 a dozen –a conservative estimate for such awesome buying power, if you ask me). Of course, this morning you don’t need any politicians owing you favors to get free donuts. Just come-on over and enjoy one (or more), courtesy of Eric Rosenberg. He makes his debut as donut boy with four dozen delicious specimens form Krispy Kreme. Whether you vote blue, red or green; conservative, liberal or libertarian… come join me. Today we’re all “donutarians”.

Happy Friday!

The Donut Range is now Open

2011-10-21T07:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

Have you booked your safari to Central Ohio yet? Wordon the street is that if you drive I-70 E far enough, there's a large selectionof exotic fauna. Grab your assault rifle, put on your orange vest (or policeuniform as the case may be) and bag yourself a trophy! But you have tohurry, supplies are limited. Hopefully any PETA members amongst you knowme well enough to understand this is all tongue-in-cheek -with a tiger bloodand Adonis DNA cocktail chaser.

Speaking of limited supply, there are only four dozen donutsand they're being bagged fast. Today’s supply comes courtesy of Mike Robles,first time donut boy and NRA-certified gun safety trainer. So come get yours(they’ve got holes in them already so you don’t even need to bring your gun).

Happy Friday!

Stop and Smell the Donuts

2011-10-14T07:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

As I was driving-in this morning, having missed a week ofdonuts, I was anticipating the sweet taste while contemplating how to follow-upon Ed Stocker’s semi-prophetic Tim Tebow e-mail.How might I build on it? How could I top it? I was so focused on trying to finda way to grow on this theme that I almost neglected to enjoy the beautifulcolors now manifest on the trees, the way the sun cast strong shadows on thesnow capped mountains or the crisp fall air attempting to sharpen my senses.Suddenly, it dawned on my that I have a propensity to take things for granted(unless, of course something happens to upset the status quo). And it’s notjust me (I think it’s save to generalize in this case). We’re always trying toimprove our lives, grow our wealth and increase our joy. The lucky billion orso living in countries with an average gross income per capita of $12,196 ormore are pursuing technological luxuries while the least fortunate billion orso living in countries where that average gross income is $995 are pursuing theluxuries of food and shelter. It’s not until something we’ve taken for grantedmalfunctions, breaks or is missing that we take a step back and appreciate whatwe have (or had). “Fortunately” there is no shortage of these reminders. We tryto steer the rickety boats of our lives towards better shores with buckets andcorks in hand with new leaks springing-up left and right. And so, liferushes-by constantly preoccupied with getting what we don’t already have –whenwe’re not shoring-up what we do have.

So too, it is with the Friday Donut Club. Karin Ratchinskimakes her debut as donut girl late in the rotation –but not at the end becausethere was a gap I needed to fill. She delights us with four dozen Winchell’sdonuts which I propose we deliberately pause to enjoy. Take a break from yourempire building and savor a donut.

Happy Friday!

Donuts Are Here

2011-10-07T08:00:00.000-07:00

[posted by Ed Stocker while JP is out]

Dear Members and Constituents,

If you follow the Denver Broncos (or even if you don’t)you’ve probably heard of Tim Tebow. He is currently a polarizing figurein the world of professional sports. Even outside of Denver Tebow remainsa hot topic and is frequently discussed on sports radio and ESPN. Today Iwanted us to delve a little deeper into the Tebow debate. I want to ask,and attempt to answer, the question on everyone’s mind. If Tim Tebow werea donut, what variety would he be?

Glazed – more of an everyday player, always reliable andplentiful, I’m thinking offensive line.
Crueler – it’s light and airy, very fast to eat, goodtasting but not necessarily filing, maybe a Corner Back.
Cake - is nice if that’s your thing, but too heavy for some,more of a Defensive Lineman.
Jelly Filled – sweetness but not always what you expect, youmay want Strawberry but get a Lemon – has to be a Running Back.
Bagel – not a donut, but this is where I see Linebackersfitting in, they may look the same at a distance but they’re just a little bitdifferent.
Glazed Donut Holes – small, almost irrelevant, anafterthought to the entire donut making process, did you say Kicker? Without the glaze is the Punter.
Anything with Bright Sprinkles - would be a Wide Receiver,flashy and in your face with lots of attitude and confidence, and you can hearjust a little bit of trash talk coming from the box.
Long Johns - easily recognizable, usually just a few in abox - some are cream filled and smooth like an elite Quarterback - others aren’t filled and they look just as good on the outside but justdon’t deliver, like most QBs.
Bacon Maple Cream – bacon in a donut? It sounds just alittle insane. Ever return a punt or a kickoff? I think we have amatch
Apple Fritter - polarizes people., you either love ‘emor hate ‘em, bigger than anything else in the box (and at least as big as yourhead) but not necessarily what you are looking for in a morning donut, nice tolook at but frequently left for the second string; I think we may have foundTim Tebow.

You may have noticed by now JP is out, but that doesn’t meanwe can’t swing by his office and grab a donut. Zach Przybeck make hisdonut debut today. Let’s see if he can make the starting line up or if heends up on the bench. He’s delivered four dozen delicious Lamar’s donuts foryour enjoyment.

Happy New Year to Me!

2011-09-30T07:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
Happy… New Year!?! Yes, today marks the beginning of a new Jewish year. Technically, yesterday and today meld into a giant 48-hour-long mega-day (which is kind of a bummer because, if today is still the 29^th, we will have effectively skipped my birthday this year). While this may seem a bit odd, let me tell you what’s really weird: this holiday happens half-way into the calendar year (and here I thought the Gregorian calendar was arbitrary). I suppose you can think of it as the beginning of the Jewish fiscal year (you know, for accounting purposes –a pun, as you will soon see). On this extra large day, 5,772 years ago, God put the finishing touches on creation and is reported to have sat down for a cigar, cold brew and kosher hot dog –Scotch had not yet been invented, you see. He looked at everything He’d just made andthought to himself “sweet!” As you may know, humanity soon rebelled, creating the need for a “book of life” (BoL) –think of it as Santa’s list with only a “good” column… bad folks get erased forever. On this joyous anniversary, the Almighty sits at his desk and updates the BoL database (closes the books, ifyou will), while people on His green earth blow on sheep’s horns and reflect on their lives –shofar, so good (get it?).

Sweet foods are also a Rosh HaShannah staple (to welcome a sweet new year). We may not have apples, pomegranates or honey but I think donuts would clearly fall into that category. On this day of awe, Austin Hurt (donut boy) came-in early and has delivered an inspiring selection. So come-on down and celebrate in style –evenif, like myself, you are not of the Hebrew persuasion.

Have an Awesome Friday!

First Donut and Forty Eight to Go

2011-09-23T08:29:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

Hard as it may be to believe, this year marks the first timeI’ve actually enrolled in a fantasy football league. Yes. I’ve participated inoffice pools and brackets –and have occasionally bet the line, but that hasbeen the extent of my involvement in sports gambling. You make a choice, put itdown on paper and move-on. Fantasy football is a lot more involved. Sitting at1 – 1, I’m still not sure whether this will be a long term thing for me. I’m fumblingaround the graphical user interface, can’t seem to score the rightplayers and have yet to engage in a satisfactory level of unsportsmanlikeconduct (all puns, although bad, were intended). I have found that myinterest level for games in which I would normally not have any emotionalinvestment has increased, even though it creates some perverse incentives(hoping your kicker’s team is held to field goals or your quarterback’s teamfalls behind so they will be forced to pass more). I’d say moving from casualsports betting to fantasy football is like moving from store bought donuts tohome made –potentially rewarding but a lot of effort.

Speaking of which, I know for a fact Scot Leif (donut boy)has a donut plunger and threatened to bring home-made donuts, even though todayhe graces the donut table with LaMar’s (I can certainly empathize). And whilethe donuts are delicious, you should pick one quickly before all the good onesare gone… scratch that, I forgot there is no such thing as a bad donut (or aninjured donut sitting-out Friday on the bench).

Happy Friday!

Donuts in the Mist

2011-09-16T06:52:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
On foggy mornings such as this, it's easy to let the mind wander and fancy myself a rider galloping through a mysterious realm on a spirited steed. I picture myself in a timeless mountain valley where ghosts and magic are ready for an encounter, just beyond that 30 yard horizon. As I advance on this quest, I feel the crisp air against my skin, sharpening the senses. The world is smaller in this pocket of space which time forgot and my imagination is free to fill the blank. Alas, this magic moment lasts but a short while. As I drive up the hill that leads to the office, I notice that like a sharp battle axe, cutting through soft flesh the sun is breaking through the clouds; claiming victory in this mythical battle. The vision fades away like a distant dream.

But wait! It appears not to be a dream after all. Evidence can be found at my desk. Sir Jim Johnson (donut boy) has delivered a bounty of delicious donuts. This treasure awaits in gold-plated oak chests (actually they’re yellow LaMar’s cardboard boxes… but humor me). So come on down and enjoy the magic.

Happy Friday!

Refuse to Make More Refuse

2011-09-09T08:07:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

It would seem garbage is everywhere. Whether you call itwaste, refuse or rubbish; we are adept at producing it. The U.S. alone producesover 250million tons of trash annually. You find it in music (theband Garbage and some genres older generations wish their children would nothear); politics (time to hunker down for a new dose of trashtalk as the presidential campaigns heat-up) and even people(white trash, junk in the trunk…). Cyberspace is littered on a daily basis withan estimated 183 billionjunk mail messages. Outer space is not safe, with an estimated 600 thousand pieces of“space junk” orbiting the earth (19,000 or so of these large enough for theU.S. Strategic Command to track). Trash can even be seen on the Moon, thanks tonewly released NASA orbital picturesof the Apollo 12, 14 and 17 landing sites.

Further out in the solar system, the donut-shaped ringsaround Saturn might be thought-of as spatial debris (technically not trashsince it’s not man-made). Closer to earth, 48 delicious dough rings await youat my desk, courtesy of Roger Greene (donut boy). Don’t you dare call it junkfood!

Happy Friday!

A Labor of Love

2011-09-02T09:12:00.001-07:00

Dear members and constituents,

A three day weekend is almost upon us. I think they shouldcall this holiday non-labor day. After all, not a lot of people labor on LaborDay. In-fact, not a lot of people are expected to labor today either. From avery practical perspective, what this means to you is there are probably goingto be more than enough donuts to go around. Hopefully you'll do your part andnot let the donuts Ben Peterson (donut boy) brought-in go to waste. Instead,you might let them go to your waist (or, feel free to recruit... I mean bring aguest –there is, after all, an extra dozen). Five dozen delicious LaMar'sdonuts await.

Happy Friday!

Donut Doodle Dandy

2011-08-26T08:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
In trying to figure-out Wednesday’s cool-looking Google Doodle (Jorge Luis Borges’ 112^th birthday), I stumbled across a list of Google Doodles you’ll never see. This, and a Rockies game later that day, were sufficient inspiration to get my head spinning around what other doodles Google might never noodle? I’m sure you’ll probably have a few ideas of your own, but I was able to come-up with a couple. How about a former Colorado Rockies player whose unfortunate encounter with a moth put him in the news this week? The Matt Holliday doodle might look something like this…

Another item which, surprisingly enough, has not been made into a doodle are donuts. Although I was slightly taken aback to find this delicious pastry has not been featured, after the initial disappointment, I decided to take matters into my own hands and take a stab at one (perhaps Google can use it next year for national donut day)… or to celebrate Greek police having “blown a hole in a ring of alleged crooks who had cornered the doughnut market in a beach resort” (never mind the fact that rings –and donuts– already have holes!)

Another way they could use this doodle is to celebrate the fact Kevin Meadors (donut boy) has brought-in five dozen donuts from both LaMar’s AND Krispy Kreme. (that’s enough donuts to make ten Google Doodles). Now, even if you were in the mood for strudel (which would be rather brutal), I think our selection (oodles and oodles) will satisfy you(dle)… In fact, one might say we have the whole kit and caboodle.
Happy Friday!

P.S. Notice how this e-mail went-out at 8:26 AM on 8/26? Cool!

Top Ten Funny Names in the News

2011-08-19T07:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

Last week, as I sat in a hospital room reading the paper I had a realization: proper names can sometimes take-on unintended meanings in the feeble minds of the easily-amused (such as myself). Not quite sure what I’m talking about? I will illustrate my point with a sampling of actual names that grabbed my attention this past week.

Top ten funny names taken from recent media stories (or, as I like to say, what were their parents thinking?)

Taco Stein. As I mused on the Aruban solicitor general and his dry cleaning tab (do taco stains come off?), I wondered how many people throughout history have shared his first name. Could it be that a popular fast food chain (which will go unnamed) was founded by a phone company heir -A.G. Bell’s illegitimate son, Taco?
Julia Gillard. Is there a famous music school named after the Australian prime minister’s abbreviated name? (hint: it’s Jiulliard)
Anna Hazare. Not that funny a name, you say. Maybe not, until you find-out this anti-corruption activist whose arrest has spurred protests all across India is not a woman, but a full-fledged man in his seventies.
Jigme Thinley. I think the Bhutanese prime minister has it right. How else would one want to be jigged anyway? Thickley? I think not!
Chip Saltsman. This high sodium deep-fried GOP strategist had me running for the vending machine to seek his namesake.
John Key. There is an old joke that explains the theory of relativity as follows: the duration of a minute depends on which side of the John door you are. Now imagine, if like New Zealand’s prime minister you held the key. Now that’s true power, my friends.
Heinz Fischer. I wonder what sort of fish can be found swimming in ketchup --and where do you find enough of it to go fishing? Unlike the Austrian president, I prefer to catch my fish in more traditional, crystalline media (i.e. water).
Donna Shalala, If like this University of Miami president my school was under NCAA scrutiny for having a booster spend “millions on improper gifts, entertainment and travel for Hurricanes athletes”, I suppose I would want to cover my ears, close my eyes and… well, repeat her name a few times
John Hickenlooper. The governor of our state of Colorado proves you don’t need a regal sounding name to win in the game of politics. John…
Qaboos bin Said. Being named after the last wagon on the train is a sure sign the sultan of Oman must come from a numerous family (or perhaps they’re just railway aficionados). Enough Said (get it?).

While I don’t expect all of these to tickle your funny bone, my hope is you shared my amusement with at least one of them. If not, I have one final weapon in my bag of tricks: donuts. Four dozen, to be precise, courtesy of Thomas Eng who makes his debut as donut boy today. Come put a smile on your face, after the week you’ve had, I’m sure you deserve it!

Happy Friday!

I Started a Club...

2011-08-12T07:34:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
It may surprise you to know that if I were sentenced to a donut-free lifestyle, I’d likely take it in stride. You may think it ironic that the founder and cheerleader-in-chief of our Friday Donut Club did not grow-up consuming these delicacies (weird!) and, if push came to shove, would be perfectly content to do without (gasp!). When we were getting started many years ago, I was lukewarm as to the choice of pastry (heresy?). Granted, my persona is that of a donut aficionado and, yes, the FDC is all about the donuts… but the e-mails that accompany it are not (even though the word “donut” is imprinted in all of them). In-fact, I enjoy writing these e-mails and having conversations with you far more than the donuts themselves (don’t get me wrong, I DO like the donuts).

Over the years, my donut e-mails have gone from being a call to action (come get your donuts) to a humble attempt at brightening your Fridays with a curious fact, random association or provocative thought. I’ve fancied my role, in some small part, as that of a “corporate morale builder”. I was even so bold as to use my experiences in the club as the fodder for my presentation to the “admissions board” for our company’s Executive Leadership Program (yes, I do have closet executive ambitions ;-). In hindsight, you might say this presentation topic may have been a misguided attempt at being memorable, as it failed to gain me admission (you won’t see me as part of the class of 2011 ELP inductees). At the time, though, it felt like I was delivering a rather powerful message. Word to the wise: safe day-job experiences are preferable to creative analogies (in this context anyways). Disappointed as I was, I think it’s healthy to be brought back down to earth from time-to-time so as not to loose touch with reality. I may have been taking the FDC and the mystique built around it a bit too seriously as of late (it is, after all, a DONUT club… it should be light, airy and sweet).

Next week, I may try to write a funny top 10 list (I have, after all, been on somewhat of a “top 10 roll” with my downsides and upsides of UC series on Beyond Bandwidth). This week, I think I’ve already exceeded my word quota, so, without further preamble, I present to you Glenn Calfee’s debut as donut boy. He brings three dozen LaMar’s donuts (I hear another dozen is on it’s way). Come and get ‘em!

Happy Friday!

The Secret Kindergarten Handshake

2011-08-05T07:05:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
I have a confession to make: I did not attend kindergarten. Although I had not made much of it, lately I’ve been wondering whether it’s a foundational gap in my education that’s holding me back. Could it be true that everything you need to know you learn in kindergarten? Could not possessing this secret knowledge be keeping a holder of two masters degrees such as myself back? Could I be missing some fundamental human behavioral trait due of this omission? And, if so, is it too late for me to attend? My gut says it might be a bit too weird. How would my dozen or so five-year-old class mates react? How about the teacher? Would the school even let me enroll? On second thought, I think I'm not going to pursue that path. Perhaps I’ll settle for a kindergarten mentor who can help me reach my goal of becoming a budding boss. Then again, I am engaged with some pretty cool projects I really like. How many people can say that about their day jobs? Also on the “positive” column, Alissa Baan, donut girl, has come through with four dozen delicious LaMar’s donuts. I won't be at my desk this morning (as I'm in a half-day meeting), but do stop by and feel free to grab as many donuts as you like.
Happy Friday!

Ode to Friday Donuts

2011-07-29T06:49:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

Friday morning has arrived
What a day,
hip, hooray!
Feels so good to be alive,
feel the breeze,
if you please.

Looking up into the sky
It’s all blue
How about you?
Cannot frown although I try
Life is good,
it’s understood.

Driving in I found no theme,
what to say
this fine day?
All I could do was to dream,
just relax
to the max.

Till I got here then it hit me
I must write
it’s the rite.
Call to action, come and see
they arrived
donut time.

Our boy Brad Christian has done great
a deluge
some are huge.
Grab a couple it’s your fate
Please enjoy
boy, o boy!

Happy Friday!

Savor the Donuts

2011-07-22T07:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

As I skim world events, it seems apparent to me we live in a privileged nation. I will concede my views are probably distorted by the press and their attempt to narrow all that happens in any given country to a single theme. I picture myself comfortably reclining on a psychologist’s soft leather couch, playing the classic word association game (say the first word that comes to mind) with country names… Bahrain (protests), Somalia (famine), Syria (protests), Greece (bailout), Libya (protests), Mexico (drug violence), Yemen (protests), North Korea (lunacy), Malawi (protests), Japan (nuclear rector), Tunisia (protests –successful), Iran (lunacy), Egypt (protests –successful), Ireland (bailout)… Granted, we have our share of problems (a debt ceiling encroaching, a fiscal deficit looming and a heat wave oppressing the north east) but in the grand scheme of things Americans appear to lead charmed lives.

Donut Club members in particular have the added benefit of having sweet circular pastries at the ready for our consumption every Friday morning. Today is no exception and Bill Long (donut boy) has delivered a good assortment of LaMar’s. So take a moment to savor how truly blessed you are (and what better way to do it than savoring a donut while you’re at it).

Happy Friday!

Good Donuts

2011-07-15T07:46:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

Why is it doing the right thing is sometimes harder than it ought to be? On the surface, it seems like it should be very straightforward: do good, avoid evil. Yet even the best of us will sometimes tell a white lie, indulge in a sideways glance or falter on our diets. It’s not like we set-out to do the wrong thing, either. I don’t think any of us wakes up in the morning saying “I’m going to do something bad today”. So why do we do it? The way I see it, we are being pulled in many directions and given the choice of multiple “goods” which are often in conflict with each other. When we choose a lesser good, we inadvertently move in the wrong direction of the higher “good vs. evil” axis. You tell a white lie because you don’t want to disappoint someone. Sparing their feelings is a good thing, yet in the process you fail to tell the truth. Cheating on an exam gets you a good grade but prevents you from learning that valuable lesson that will serve you later in life. It’s a matter of deliberately prioritizing and choosing the higher good (which is easier said than done).

Fortunately there is no wrong decision when it comes to donuts and Jill Daugherty (donut girl) gives you plenty of latitude with four dozen LaMar’s donuts to choose from. So do the right thing and grab a donut for yourself. You know you want one…

Happy Friday!

P.S. My latest post on Beyond Bandwidth (the PSTN is dead, long live the PSTN) is also ready for your consumption.

Carry-on Donuts

2011-07-01T07:06:00.000-07:00

Dear members and constituents,

As I prepare for my final day in the office before my twelve day trip to Ecuador, I am reminded donuts are hard to come-about in my home country. It’s bad enough that I have to miss the fire works, but to also deprive my taste buds of the sweet deep-fried taste of donuts seems too hard to bear. Might I take a dozen with me –one for every day of my trip? Sure they'll still be fresh when I get there tomorrow morning, but how long can they hold? Would I need to put any jelly or cream-filled donuts in a Ziploc bag –to comply with the 3-1-1 rule? Might I get in trouble from luggage-sniffing dogs –after all, they are POLICE dogs? Fortunately, my flight doesn't leave till midnight, so the decision can wait and there are plenty of Winchell’s donuts at my desk (courtesy of Eric Jochens, donut boy), so I don’t have to think on an empty stomach. On this fourth of July eve, come enjoy one of the fringe benefits of being in America.

Happy Friday!

P.S. A couple of years ago, on my weekly e-mail I wrote of a 3 ½ year-old boy’s struggle with Neuroblastoma. I thought you might want to know chemotherapy has been successful and he is now a feisty five year old. If you wish to sponsor this year’s Children’s Hospital Courage Classic, Dee Jones dedicating her ride this year to Cullen. I love happy endings!

Donuts are Forever and Always

2011-06-24T07:36:00.000-07:00

===[Note sent by Nelson Bostrom in JP's absence]===

Dear Members and Constituents:

Now that it’s officially summer, vacation time is here for many. No matter where you travel this summer, whether it’s Alaska or France or anywhere in between, it’s Friday in Broomfield –come enjoy a delicious La Mar’s Donut.

If you are away, chances are there’s a way for you to get your fix of something similar anyway.

Here are a few examples of what you can find:

Alaska (The Famous Alaskan Donut):

France (Beignets):

Israel (Sufganiyah):

Spain (Rosquillas):

The Netherlands (Oliebollen):

Rochester, NY (self-explanatory):

While JP may not be out of his office today, the donuts are in. In the spirit of Friday donuts, I’d like to think that JP got his fix this morning at Donuts Delight.

(Some people have too much time on their hands: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doughnut)

Best Regards,

Donut Boy

===[Feedback Received===

===[JP Gonzalez]===

Thank you Nelson for this excellent note. Who knew there was so much donut diversity? I just have a couple of observations about Rochester:

(1) How is it that with a population of 210K they get to have Dunkin’ Donuts and Denver (city population 600K; MSA population 2.3M) doesn't? Photo below taken this morning kitty corner from my hotel.

(2) Donuts Delight was voted the best donut in Rochester and, based on my limited sampling this morning, I must concur. Photo below catches me in the arduous labor of verifying Donuts Delight’s claim

Happy Friday!

===[Brad Christian]===

And if you happen to find yourself in Poland or Detroit, MI. Grab yourself a big jelly filled Paczki!

===[Stacy Jackson]===

And this is the Greek deliciousness I grew up with: Loukoumades! Just another country’s variation of deep fried, super-sweet and honey-coated dough – YUM!

===[Iky Chan]===

Hong Kong (Chinese Donut):

===[Art Goldberg]===

JP Knows that I can’t resist this one… Hebrew Donuts!

===[Monisha Merchant]===

From India – Gulab Jamun

===[Glenn Calfee]===

And of course the little factoid from Germany. When JFK declared that , “ich bin ein Berliner” (I am a Berliner), he was in fact declaring that he was a Donut!

===[Satinder Juneja]===

And another one from India - Balushahi

===[Marty Williams]===

Try a Boston Cream Donut from Mike’s Pastry in Boston’s North End “Little Italy” (Amaretto Cannoli’s could not be missed either):

Glazed are from Saturn; Specialty are from Jupiter

2011-06-17T07:56:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

Why is it Father's Day gets so much less attention than Mother's Day? As a father I must admit I don't personally care much for the day and I'm okay with moms getting all the hype. Sure it would be nice to get a watch or something but I'm not counting the days until Father's Day. On the other hand, I get the impression mothers appreciate their day more (as do retailers). I think we need to get over the politically correct view that men's and women's needs are the same. Sometimes they are. Often they're not. Obviously, as with any generalization, any specific example I cite as to why they’re different (beyond genetics) will likely not be well received by someone (blame it on individual differences).

This principle also applies to donuts. There's glazed and there's specialty and we are okay with buying more glazed. Granted, today would've been a good day to make an exception by celebrating Boston's NHL victory with some extra cream filled, still, most Fridays more glazed is just fine. This father's day's eve's eve, we welcome a new member to the fold. Melissa Matthews (donut girl) delights us with four dozen LaMar’s donuts –including a dozen specialty. So come help yourself to a sweet treat.

Happy Friday!

Revolution Seven

2011-06-10T07:18:00.000-07:00

Dear members and constituents

There's something about the number seven which gives it a certain aura, prestige… some might go as far as to attribute it a lucky status. Since antiquity it has conveyed a special significance. The seven days of creation, seven wonders of the world, seven hills of Rome and Constantinople and the seven circles of hell in Dante’s inferno. Today, this number is prominent in our everyday lives. We find it at the movies –the seven samurai (aka the Magnificent Seven), double-o-seven (James Bond) and seven of nine (Star Trek Voyager). It’s found in commerce (7-UP, Seagram’s 7, seven jeans, 7-11), religion (seven sins, virtues, chakras) and all around us. There are seven days in a week, notes on the musical scale, colors in the rainbow. There are Seven seas, heads in a hydra and holes in a lucky horseshoe.

If you think about it, this fact is particularly curious, given we don't have seven of anything in our body (think, fingers, limbs, eyes…). Perhaps it's because earth is the seventh planet from the sun (after Mercury, Venus, Apollo, Hermes, Minerva and Uranus… ). Perhaps it’s something to do with the alien species that populated earth in Battle Star Galactica. Then again, perhaps it’s a mystery better left for another day. Whatever the case, today is the seven year anniversary of the Friday Donut Club and Andrea Pierantozzi (donut girl) delights us with seven dozen Krispy Kreme donuts (psyche! It’s actually just five). So come on down, just be sure to abide by the seven mile an hour speed limit.
Happy Friday!

Happy National Donut Day

2011-06-03T08:12:00.000-07:00

Dear members and constituents,

Happy national donut day! I must admit I was caught flat-footed for this event. I arrived at the office this morning and as I stared at my computer’s diagnostics blue screen, a couple of folks called this event to my attention. So why is it we celebrate national donut day and how did I miss it? As for the former, I think it’s self-evident. For the latter, I guess I was too busy to pay attention. It felt like my elevated level of activity might be, in part, for activity's sake alone. I suppose that is a human trait. We badmouth work and yet we do work that seems to have no other purpose than keeping us busy. We water the lawn so the grass can grow so we can mow the lawn. Lather, rinse, repeat. Hundreds of e-mails get read, so hundreds of e-mails can backfill those positions. Reports get produced, memos get written, voice mails recorded. Our frenzied lifestyles make it easy to lose sight that we're actually making progress and doing things for a good reason. The lawn looks pretty, your hair smells nice and the people whose e-mails you answered are grateful. And the Krispy Kreme donuts, here today for national donut day (courtesy of our donut boy, Matt Hawthorne) are delicious. So come celebrate with me.

Happy Friday!

Extremely Good Donuts

2011-05-27T07:54:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

They say any extreme is bad (too much or too little of just about anything can be harmful). If you doubt this conventional wisdom, just ask Osama Bin Laden (wait, you can’t!). Nonetheless, extreme positions and actions have a certain appeal. They are simple, straightforward and don’t require much thought. In-fact, some extremes can be pretty cool. If you doubt this, just ask any extreme sports enthusiast.

I witnessed an example of a cool extreme on Saturday. I’m talking about the stage for the U2 360° tour. It has a unique articulated circular video display made of 888 hexagonal LED screens which tends to make the unprepared concert attendee (i.e. me) do a double-take (wait, did it just do that?). The huge spider-like structure (aka the Claw), the light shows, the sound quality, the ambiance were all awe-inspiring, but are they worth the estimated $25 - $30 Million dollars the stage alone is said to have cost? I’ll let you be the judge of that. Then again, would the tour have grossed over half a billion dollars without it?

It turns-out donut extremists (people who cut-out donuts altogether from their diet) are doing themselves a disservice. As fate would have it, allowing yourself to have a donut a day is a better approach to eating and maintaining a healthy weight (take that Johnny Appleseed!). This morning, Chris Hynes (donut boy) delights us with four dozen donuts. So come on down and take advantage of this unique opportunity to balance your diet this morning… your health demands it.

Happy Friday!

Rumor has it donuts have arrived

2011-05-20T08:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

I heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend who heard it from another there's a new study out. According to rumors this study about gossip proves we are hardwired to eat-up negative things said about others. In a perverse way, this makes sense. Knowledge is power and having dirt on people gives us leverage over them. Just the latest negative trait being portrayed in a positive light by scientists. I’d like to think we're better than that. Blackmail, backhanded deeds and backstabbing should not be seen as a path to success. Granted, there are many examples of prominent people who have used these traits to their advantage (just read the news). But, do you really want to live in a dog-eat-dog world? At the end of the day, I want to be able to live with myself more than I want the comforts and power of this world. I believe teamwork, truth and trust are a higher path… and let us not forget donuts. They embody what is good and pure about mankind. Rumor has it Rogier Ducloo has chosen an incredible assortment of gynormous LaMar’s donuts to make his debut in the club. So come on down and eat them up.

Happy Friday!

Donuts Do not Disappoint

2011-05-13T06:59:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

Yesterday, at the San Francisco airport, I had some time before my flight so I decided to dine at the steakhouse. It felt like a good match. Here's a place where a captive audience has time between flights and nervous appetites to feed. I was anxiously anticipating that first juicy bite of rare steak. As the waitress arrived, I realized there was something amiss. It was not so much the fact that the meat was cooked to a medium term that dismayed me, but the fact that I had to use a plastic knife to discover it. Sure, I understand it would be a defeatist thing to disarm all would-be terrorists at the security check point, only to turn-around and arm them with a steak knife at the food court. Still, I was a bit disappointed. Fortunately with the donut club you know what to expect and you get it, courtesy of Yuko Aoyagi (donut girl). So come get yours (no need to arrive an hour early, go through security, or use plastic knives).

Happy Friday!

Seis de Mayo Donuts

2011-05-06T07:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

A few years ago, in business school, I heard the story of the Chevy Nova and it’s disastrous commercial failure in Latin America. You see, “no va” in Spanish means “it does not go” (presumably anywhere). While I was not familiar with that case in particular (perhaps a testament to how bad a flop the launch really was), I had encountered several comical inadvertent translations. There was the time my grandmother (an American visiting us in Ecuador) yelled at the maid from the shower “Cecilia, la sopa”. Cecilia, who spoke no English, was puzzled as to why my grandmother would want soup in the shower (needless to say, she wanted soap –“el jabón”). There was the American exchange student who at an awkward moment revealed she was very “embarazada” (which translates to pregnant, adding to the “embarrassment” she meant to convey). The same student was very “exitada” to see me (I must have been a hot thirteen year old for her to be “aroused”… only later did I realize she meant “excited”). Today Julian Beso (Kiss) has taken it upon himself to bring us an extra dozen (yes you heard right, five dozen donuts await at my desk). So let there be no misunderstanding… today would be a good day to do some recruiting. Bring a friend along for a donut “on the house” (as with most figurative expressions don’t dictionary-translate this expression).

Happy Friday!

Bring your Tornados to Buckingham Palace Week

2011-04-29T07:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

What a crazy week it’s been... and personally, I’m glad it’s over. The whirlwind of banal media coverage surrounding every detail of the royal wedding (who cares if Prince Andrew won’t have a wedding band because it reminds him of the common donut?). The whirlwind of children pillaging and plundering their parents’ offices (you mean there aren’t donuts in your office every day?). The whirlwind of, well, wind setting an unofficial record for tornado touch-downs this month (are those donuts raining from the sky?)... In a roundabout way these events seem to twist together into a nice circular form. And much like the circular pastries sitting at my desk, they will soon be a distant memory. Don't let this event also pass you by, make history, grab your donut -here today courtesy of Monisha Merchant (donut girl).

Happy Friday!

Donut Achievements

2011-04-22T07:00:00.000-07:00

[Posted by Ed Stocker in JP's absence]

Dear Members and Constituents,

JP, along with many of our co-workers, is out today supporting Junior Achievement (JA) at DuPont Elementary. I (and if you are reading this Friday morning probably you too) was unable to participate this year.

JA uses one particularly fitting example on their website of how they explain business concepts to Elementary students. While explaining different production methods, students might learn about unit vs. assembly line production methods by producing donuts. If I’m in that class my first thought is FIELD TRIP. I wonder if JP will gravitate to this example in his class?

For those of us unable to participate in JA day there’s no need for a field trip, Donut Boy, Marc Solome has delivered four dozen wonderful donuts to us this morning courtesy of Krispy Kreme (whose automated assembly line is on display in most stores for field trip viewing). JP isn’t in but the donuts are so come on down (to JP’s) and enjoy.

Remember the Donuts

2011-04-15T07:56:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents

Visiting with my nearly ninety one year old grandmother, I’ve come to gain a better appreciation for memory. How we sometimes take it for granted and how even that can be taken away from us. I will admit it can be fun providing dramatically different reactions to the same anecdote, or having the opportunity for “do-overs” when answering the exact same question. And even though it’s sad to repeatedly tell my grandma how many children I have, their names and ages; you do what you can to enjoy the times together. Recently I’ve noticed an interesting pattern. On any given day, she may repeat an anecdote from her early life several times, however, from one day to the next the anecdote she repeats seems to change (and the previous day’s anecdote is often not mentioned). I think this insight reveals something deeper about our brains. I have come to believe our brains use “themes” as a means to prepare for conversation. Folks with better memories catch themselves doing this and avoid repeating the same anecdote to the same person (however, they do indulge in repeating the anecdote –often in the same words—to different people whenever possible). This copy-and-paste phenomenon is efficient and having the theme change over time means we lessen the risk of boring our audience. The theme remains top-of-mind for as long as it’s useful and is then replaced by another. The alternative, complete original thought all the time, is akin to building a road every time you need to get somewhere. It can be done, but it’s not practical. Revolving, “canned’ stories are way easier. Where was I? O yeah, did I tell you Rusty Corne (donut boy) has delivered four dozen LaMar’s donuts? (which include some veritable behemoths, you “specialty” donut fans are in luck). Don’t forget to come get one.

Happy Friday!

Dig Our Donuts

2011-04-08T07:53:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

Among the threats to a free and open Internet we have oppressive governments, the digital divide, toll-extorting monopoly providers and shovel-wielding 75 year old women. For those of you not following the news or who don’t happen to live in Armenia or Georgia, it appears one such lady was allegedly trying to salvage copper when her shovel severed the fiber optic cable supplying these countries with Internet access, creating an hour-long outage. Given older generations resistance to change one can't help but wonder whether this was truly an accident. Copper may be a valuable metal, but an AARP member mining along public rights of way? I might believe gold or gardening, but copper? Personally I will never look at a senior equipped with a shovel the same way again.

Fortunately donuts don’t require utensils so the probability of collateral damage when consuming one is minimal. This morning Melissa Nibbelink delights us with four dozen LaMar’s treats. So come on down and, dare I say it? DIG IN!

Happy Friday!

P.S. It has been brought to my attention that a donut-themed play has made it’s debut in Denver. Those of you for whom eating one or two every Friday is not enough, you might want to get that extra fix with Superior Donuts.

The Grand Donut

2011-04-01T08:01:00.001-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

Wandering the Grand Canyon trails this week I noticed trees in unlikely places. The more unlikely the place the more regal the tree. This made me wonder whether these trees have a sense for their aesthetic value or an appreciation for their awesome surroundings. It also made me aware this distinction comes at a price. Poor soil, water scarcity and higher exposure to inclement weather come to mind. Yet these trees seem to thrive despite the adversity; or, dare I say, on account of it. Does this principle apply to people as well? Perhaps my mishaps on this trip were helping me build character. The speeding ticket in Moab, the chronically deflating air mattress at the camp site and the deer we hit on the way back were all there to help me become a regal tree. Perhaps… What I do know for sure is donuts have arrived, courtesy of John Schoder (donut boy). So don’t be a stick in the mud and come grab one.

Happy Friday!

Sense Or Ship?

2011-03-25T10:23:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

This morning, as I turned my radio on, I was horrified to hear of a global network of censors being used in conjunction with the Japan nuclear disaster fall-out. Censorship… why? I could understand a totalitarian regime like the ones crumbling in the middle east using a network of censors, but… and then it hit me. Sensors. That made a lot more sense. I felt silly. Like the closed captioning typist who was fired from her job for transcribing a story of Gorillas in Colombia. The folks putting the English language together must have a dark sense of humor. Why else would words with diametrically opposed meanings sound identical? Sensors inform you while censors hide things. Gorillas lead peaceful lives, secluded from the chaos of modern life while guerrillas are literally “little wars”. You raise a building and, when its useful life is done you raze it.

Along the same lines we have donut vs. do-not. This morning, I encourage you to grab a donut, so do-not be confused. Ben Garrard (should we call him “do” boy?) does delight us with four dozen LaMar’s. So come feast the senses (fortunately I was able to hit “send” before the censors got here).

Happy Friday!

March Deliciousness

2011-03-18T08:42:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

With March Madness in full swing, I have a confession to make: I don’t follow college basketball but do participate in the occasional office pool. My bracket completion method is rather straightforward: teams with lower numbers in front of their name advance to the next round, with the exception of eight seeds. As for the final four, I figure alphabetic order or a coin toss are as reliable as Google (and a lot less effort). I might find myself a bit more engaged if instead of institutions of higher learning, the tournament involved institutions

of sweeter leavening. Replace baskets for donuts and basketballs for donut holes and you’re onto something. With 50 members, our donut club could support 10 teams (not enough for a sweet sixteen, but we do get a play-in). The good news is everyone on the donut club gets to play (no arbitrary CU-like controversy). Today, on her final day as donut girl, Shiri Bahar sets-up an alley-oop for you to complete the slam dunk with one of the #1 seeds on this bracket, LaMar’s Donuts. The ball is in your hands.

Happy Friday!

8.9

2011-03-11T11:11:00.000-08:00

Dear members and constituents,
Let us stop to ponder the turmoil facing the island of Japan this morning. Six months to the day from 9/11, on 3/11 a great tragedy strikes. The fifth-largest earthquake on record has shut down five nuclear reactors and has released enough energy to have us expecting five foot waves on the other side of the globe. The expectation is building as the Tsunami slowly crosses the Pacific to reach American shores and the ripple effects are sure to be felt for years to come. As our thoughts and prayers go out for the millions impacted, let us not forget to take a moment and be grateful for what we have. Amongst these things, Kripy Kreme donuts -here today courtesy of Jeff King (donut boy).

Imagine

2011-03-04T07:42:00.000-08:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

With both the NFL and the Federal Government extending their negotiation deadlines in order to avoid disruption, I got to thinking… what if these institutions were to permanently shut down. I know, it’s unthinkable, but indulge me as I butcher a John Lennon song:

Imagine there’s no football,
concussions out the door,
no leagues competing,
your Sunday is now yours
Imagine all the people
going to church that day

Imagine no more taxes,
I wonder if we could,
take home all your paycheck,
Bureaucracy adieus!
Imagine all the people
Who are no longer fleeced

You might say I’ve gone crazy,
and perhaps you would be right
I hope you’re here for a donut
and the world will see the light

Imagine there’s no donuts,
I know it sounds grotesque,
nothing to brighten Fridays,
and bagels at my desk.
Imagine all the people
dreading all their work

You might say I’ve gone crazy,
and perhaps you would be right
I hope you’re here for a donut
and the world will see the light

I realize that may have Yoko Ono rolling over in her grave, --wait, is she dead yet?—and I suppose I probably shouldn't hold my breath for royalties. Be that as it may, you don't need to hold your breath until donuts get here. There's no need to imagine Jared Brisendine (donut boy) has delivered donuts to my desk. No need to imagine yourself biting into a sweet pastry. No need to imagine the bliss that follows. All you have to do is come on down to grab a donut and receive Instant karma to reward your hard days work from this past week.

Happy Friday!

Donut Core Team Action Item

2011-02-25T07:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

Amidst a whirlwind of activity, the siren call of business jargon lures unsuspecting white-collar workers to the treacherous waters of meaningless babble. Scholars shudder helplessly as “the ask” and “the learning” morph from verbs to nouns thrown about while “doing” lunch. We scavenge for low-hanging fruit whilst managing expectations because we were unable to take it to the next level. Dizzy yet? If not, let me talk around the issue and circle back to my main point: I may find myself talking in circles, but I prefer to talk about one circle in particular. Whether glazed or filled with jelly, the circle in question always livens my Fridays. You know the one. After years of ruthless re-prioritization to extract synergies, the Friday donut core team has met the street's expectations and stayed above the line. So, get your ducks in a row, put those pending issues on the parking lot and tell the world you’re out-of-pocket while you grab some coffee and a donut (the latter conveniently awaiting at my desk, courtesy of Mack Greene -donut boy).

Happy Friday!

P.S. Special thanks to Kelly Hueseman for the Forbes article which inspired this note.

The Friendly Donuts are Here

2011-02-18T07:13:00.000-08:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

It appears I’m not as cool of a dad as I thought: I’ve been “unfriended’ by my kids. My hunch was confirmed this week when I was unable to find my eighteen year old son amongst my “friends” to post warm birthday wishes to his page. As it turns-out my sweet sixteen year old daughter is also absent. I must admit I had a hunch. Something had felt off for a while. My son’s brash comments and daughter’s quirky remarks had, after all, been missing from my “news feeds”… it simply had not yet clicked. While I can certainly understand their perceived need for independence and privacy, now that it’s official, I must admit to feeling a bit hurt , a little betrayed and a sense of loss. I thought I was doing all the right things. I don’t let apps post things on my behalf, I don’t blabber-on about frivolous or mundane tasks and I avoid posting embarrassing messages to my kids’ pages (which in this case meant I was completely abstaining from posting, after all, at that age anything your parents say is embarrassing). I was guilty of providing them some offline etiquette tips and feedback, but one can hardly be blamed for trying to educate one’s kids. So, what’s a parent to do? I am conflicted. I’ve always known I can’t monitor as much of their lives as I’d like and trust them to apply the examples they’ve learned at home in their lives. I must allow them to make mistakes and hope they acquired the character to do what’s right, regardless of who may be watching. I suppose every generation goes through challenges of the same kind and my parents probably struggled with the natural rebellion associated with my coming of age (in the pre-Facebook era). Come to think about it, not being there for most of your kids’ day –at school or on a date– is a reality of life. Perhaps this unnatural window into their lives, which had given me a different sense of connection; of being there, was destined to close sooner, rather than later… still, why can’t we be friends?.

Fortunately, when it comes to donuts, there is no unfriend or block button. Sure you are free to leave the club at any time, but you’ll always be our friend. This morning, after many trades due to travel, a long time Friday Donut Club friend, Paul Savill finally gets a chance to shine. And shine he does with a great selection of LaMar’s donuts (watch out for the maple bars). So come on down and feel free to share your sage advice on family, friendship and Facebook.

Happy Friday!

Ancient Donut Recipe

2011-02-11T07:11:00.000-08:00

Dear members and constituents,

This week it's been harder than usual to keep-up with world events. You see, my tolerance for public radio fund drives is very low. Despite this, I was able to sneak in a bit of world news: It appears after 30 years in power Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak is finally out of office. While unofficial this may well have been the world's longest running pyramid scheme. Egypt… Pyramids… get it? All right, that's all I got for you today.

Fortunately Stacy Jackson our donut girl has better delivery. She delights us today with four dozen delicious donuts. Might I recommend you drop-by quickly, before the dry Colorado air begins the natural mummification process.

Happy Friday!

2011-02-04T07:56:00.000-08:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

What goes around comes around. It’s a basic concept embedded in many schools of thought. Whether it be an observation of nature (Newton’s third law), a cosmic force (Karma), a permission to retaliate (the code of Hammurabi or the mosaic law’s “eye for an eye”) or a behavioral guideline (the golden rule), actions have consequences. While this is a very serious matter, it sometimes manifests itself in rather humorous ways. Enter this week’s anecdote. Tuesday, snow day, my two youngest boys are pulling each other around the house in a plastic sleigh –dragging their foreheads on the carpet as they go from room to room. The resulting rug burns and the way they came about were rather comical so, of course, after advising them not to do this again I took it upon myself to tease them. Wednesday, work-at-home-because-it’s-freezing day, the alarm rings and I roll out of bed (literally), forehead crashing into the corner of my nightstand. Voilá a third matching forehead. Talk about near-real-time payback.

Of course donuts are circular, so it’s only natural that they keep coming around every Friday. This week Carolyn Reuss delights us with four dozen LaMar’s confections. So come-on down, do a good deed for yourself and grab a donut, who knows another good deed may be done unto you in return.

Happy Friday!

State of the Donut

2011-01-28T06:38:00.000-08:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
As I listened to the state of the union address this week and tried to chew on the quick barrage of media bites, one got stuck between my teeth. “We need to out-innovate, out-educate, and out-build the rest of the world.” There appears to be a deliberate asymmetry about this statement which feels off. All three actions start with the word “out”, but only two of them have three syllables and rhyme. Out-fabricate would have met these criteria for the third, but I presume it was ruled-out as too cutesy. Out-make does not have the three syllable word, it adds an imperfect rhyming sound, but I presume it’s not macho enough. I suppose “build” has such a different sound that the abrupt end to this string of words makes it less ignorable. I have paid no attention to the follow-up press coverage so I’m not sure whether the sound bite lived-up to it’s ultimate intent (to be eaten-up by the media). Another thought that crossed my mind was to wonder how Friday Donut Club state of the union address would sound. I suppose it would have to go something like…

This morning I would like to begin by congratulating the men and women of the Friday Donut Club. Our scrawny band of fried dough aficionados has continued to exhibit the attributes which have made the United States a great nation.

Our club’s strength comes from the diversity of it’s fifty members. We span nine pods, three buildings and eight functional areas. It should come as no surprise to you that 48% of our members are not in product management and 46% are not in 32C. While our diversity goal could be greater (we should aspire to have members in building 1000 –it’s not enough to have former members there as well as current members who were formerly in that building), we should also be proud of where we are. Our club is strong and you should be proud to be part of it.Short and sweet… like our donuts. Speaking of donuts, this morning Rich Law delights us with four dozen delicious LaMar’s. This morning, I challenge you to out-create, out-caffeinate and out-donut your peers.

Happy Friday!

A Rainbow of Donuts Before You

2011-01-21T07:02:00.000-08:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
Have you ever noticed when you hold your index finger and thumb at a specific distance from your eye and “grab” the edges of any rainbow, the distance between the index and thumb are always the same? It does not matter whether the rainbow is caused by the water drops coming from a thunderstorm miles away or a garden hose in front of you, the diameter of that rainbow will never change. In other words, all rainbows are the same size (supernumerary rainbows, of course, are bigger -but they too are all the same size as each other). Try it sometime, it’s true! I discovered this fact this week and, as should be expected of anyone making a great contribution to science, I was very pleased with myself. Of course, my self-satisfaction in this discovery was rather short-lived. As I explored this notion further (Google), it turns out Rene Descartes had made essentially the same observation some 374 years before me. So much for fortune and fame.

The reason all rainbows are the same size, as it so happens, is that for a rainbow to appear the angle formed by the sun, a drop of water and your eye must be 42 degrees (the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy was right, 42 is the answer to the question of life, the world and everything). Only drops which meet that criteria will light-up (which explains not only the size, but also the shape or rainbows). No two people ever see the same rainbow at the same time (unless, of course, they are looking at a photograph of a rainbow). I guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder after all. Speaking of beauty, Nanette Zeille (donut girl) delights us this morning with a site for sore eyes. Come enjoy the colorful array of delicious donuts. We started with four dozen but there are only 42 left, so you better hurry.

Happy Friday!

Migratory Donuts

2011-01-14T07:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
Has it ever occurred to you that air travel is similar to salmon migration? Both traveler and salmon are determined to reach their destination. Neither is deterred by dangers and obstacles in their path. Bears, osprey, dams, security checkpoints, customs agents and the possibility of a 10,000 foot drop are no match for the will to arrive. Once the journey has started, nothing matters more than completion. Fortunately, the parallel usually breaks down at the spawning and (more importantly) the death part.

This morning, Sara Baack (donut girl) made the journey from South Florida to deliver four dozen donuts. They may be a little late (traffic lights and other unmentionable perils prevented an earlier delivery) but they’re here now. So, embark on a journey of your own. Overcome whatever obstacles may lay in your path. At my desk you will find the sweet reward.

Happy Friday!

They're Donalicious

2011-01-07T07:10:00.000-08:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
I must admit it’s fun to watch language evolve (or devolve, depending on your stance). New words are coined by the media to hype events (birdpocalypse, fishpocalypse); politicians to slant debate (obamacare, carterization); technologists to describe new activities (to tweet, to google) or youth, for no apparent reason (bromance, chillax, shawdy). While some of these words may stick around for a long time, others will likely fall into disuse and fade away from our collective memories. Generations from now, the passages of high brow literature may include phrases such as “given this relationship as frienemies it was natural for Laquisha not to overthink her recent defriending by Romela…” or something to that effect. Language change is a byproduct of the changing habits and preferences of its users. If language were frozen in time, we’d need to struggle with Shakespeare’s language to describe eating a burrito while carpooling to the high-rise building where you work as a telecom product manager (five dollars to the first person who can convincingly communicate this thought in the bard’s English).

This first Friday of the new year, I have another new word for you: donalicious. It may not stick around for long, but for now you can use it to describe the sensation you feel while eating one of the sweet pastries delivered this morning by Ed Stocker (donut boy). So come ye down without delay and fetch thy pastry, lest some scoundrel deprive thee of thou… you get the idea.

Happy Friday!

Out With the Old, In With the New

2010-12-31T07:17:00.000-08:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
This last day of 2010 finds me busy with last minute preparations for a traditional Ecuadorian Año Viejo celebration (you guessed it, I’m not in the office today). For the curious among you, Año Viejo (literally “Old Year” in Spanish), is a unique spin on the “out with the old, in with the new” theme surrounding this time of year. It involves building one or more mannequins anthropomorphizing the year which is about to expire. These mannequins range from the generic to very elaborate arrangements representing something old. The most frequent themes are self-effigies (for people who had a negative life-event), politicians (easy pickings) and negative world events. In Ecuador these dummies are set-up in displays and traffic blocked by “widows”, usually men in black dresses, mock-grieving the passing of 2010, asking for alms from the curious folks out to see the creative arrangements. Shortly before midnight, the last will and testament containing 2010’s mock-inheritance to those present will be read to the laughter of all recipients. At midnight, as the old year expires, the mannequin is burned, carrying with it all the negativity of the preceding 365 days and setting the stage for a clean start. Over the fire pit, folks will sometimes jump over the flames for good luck, the young leaping while the fire burns bright and the old stepping over the dying embers.

Año Viejo parties have been a staple of the González household for many years, however, this week I have embarked in my most ambitious project yet: I will be staging a new airport security checkpoint. Unfortunately, I am not done yet so I can’t show you the final product, however I can show you my progress. Pictured below are two security guards and a beautiful traveler at various stages of construction. I will leave the rest to your imagination.

What is complete is this morning’s donut delivery. Jay Leslie (donut boy) just sent me a note indicating LaMar’s is delivered. So, for those of you fortunate enough to be in the office today, weave your way through the tumbleweed and grab your last donut(s) of 2010.
Happy Friday!

P.S.
As a follow-up for those of you whose curiosity was peaked, imagine no more, here are four photos of the finished product.

With the new TSA security procedures in full effect, guests are greeted by a twist on the familiar 3-1-1 sign

As you might expect, a TSA agent guards the entry way

What better warm-up to fly the friendly skies, than a friendly pat-down by a TSA agent?…
Finally, at the stroke of midnight what started as an awkward experience ends as a flaming affair
Happy New Year!

'Twas the Day Without Donuts

2010-12-24T06:51:00.000-08:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

‘Twas the day before Christmas, and all was at rest
not a creature was stirring, at least not near my desk

the donuts are not at my office today
and folks are enjoying a well earned holiday

some sleeping, I venture, still snug in their beds
while others have projects they’re doing instead

and I in pajamas still crafting this missive
some words just fit-in, while some are elusive

no donuts today, so why write this letter?
some extra shut-eye instead might be better

I’ll tell you my logic, revealing my plot
then make-up your mind if I’m crazy or not

as I lay in bed awake before dawn
considering sleep while my mind wandered on

my thoughts soon did stumble on our donut club dear
and spawned a new notion, so present, so clear

that even though donuts, the glazed and the jelly
are not being eaten or stored in our bellies

the goodwill I share towards you can’t be denied
it must be explicit, it can’t be implied

so let me not stray for too long that you may
get straight to the core of my message today

may your Christmas be filled with cheer to the brim
and peace, love and joy reach the ends of your limbs

before I forget -although this should be clear
if you’re working next Friday, donuts will be here

and now let me say as I go out of sight
happy Christmas to all, and that’s all I will write

Donut Holdiay Election

2010-12-17T07:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
With election season behind and the holiday season upon us, wouldn’t it be nice if we could combine the two? Stay with me on this one… What if you could have a popularity contest for holiday terms? An objective face-off to determine which word is most popular. Wouldn’t it be convenient if there was a tool to scour fifteen million books and determine how often a given word has been mentioned over time? As it so happens, we’re in luck! Google labs has released such a tool: the Ngram Viewer and I’ve taken it for a test-run. For grins and giggles, several seasonal terms were pitted in a head-to-head popularity battle. The first experiment was to pit the word donut against several major holiday terms. I was initially shocked when I incorrectly concluded the word “donut” was more popular than other holiday terms (I was using lower-case for terms normally capitalized –and capitalization matters to this tool).

Obviously, this initial comparison was fundamentally flawed. A better frame-of-reference would be other holiday foods. Armed with this insight, I put some traditional Christmas season foods to the test, alongside two alternative spellings for the word donut. It turns-out donuts (regardless of spelling) are more popular in literature than eggnog, fruitcake and candy canes; and their recent popularity has grown much faster than that of holiday foods. At the end of the day, when it comes to food, the only popularity contest that really matters is the one your taste buds hold every time take a bite.

Today, my desk is vacant and I will have to vicariously enjoy Kelly Becker’s debut as donut girl through you. So, come on down and, once you’ve had your fill, do tell me which donut is your favorite.
Happy Friday!

P.S. A big “thank you” goes to Bill Long for discovering the Google Ngram Viewer.

The Donut Conspiracy

2010-12-10T07:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Members and Constituents
All the news about WikiLeaks has got me thinking. You guessed it, I’m thinking about its funny-sounding name (quite the comical alliteration). I am also thinking about conspiracy theories. In the words of the anonymous Sage, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you. Why is it 10 years later and you're still working on that realistic five-year plan to financial independence? Why is it that Dragon Dictation, the tool I am using to write this note, has crashed twice, loosing my previous drafts? And what is it with those men in black trench coats that seem to follow me everywhere? Is it a natural conspiracy or is there a human organization behind it? I'd like to believe it's just human nature conspiring against us. Still, sometimes I wonder if the goal posts are being moved as a control mechanism by big brother. It’s possible my doubts may be fueled by the fact I myself am orchestrating a conspiracy to make Fridays sweeter (shhh, don’t tell anyone). Today, the latest chapter of this saga unfolds with Amy Nelson making her debut as donut girl with four dozen LaMar’s donuts. They’re here, so come-on down and grab one (hopefully that person following you will be a fellow club member).
Happy Friday!

The Mythical White Donut

2010-12-03T07:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
With the arrival of advent, the Christmas season is officially upon us. Time to hunker-down for the barrage of Holiday advertisements while you procrastinate on the obligatory gift shopping. Time for sweet eggnog, melodic caroling and... white elephants. The white elephant. That rare and precious pachyderm breed, ideally suited to blend-into the arctic tundra. So good is this camouflage, there are no recorded sightings. What bright-eyed child wouldn't want one? And, what perverse adult decided to name the giving of gifts you don't want after it? Perhaps it's the pragmatist who considered the upkeep? Or, the biologist who thought white is the wrong color for tropical habitats? Whatever the case, the good news is donuts would never fall into this category. Brittany Sever marks her debut in the club today with the gift of Winchell's.
Happy Friday!

Thanksgiving Donuts

2010-11-19T07:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
With Thursday being Thanksgiving I thought I would throw out a list of things for which I’m grateful.

My wife and children's hugs –even when they are the result of a broken heart or a scraped knee
Ski season –even if I can only go up twice and it means putting-up with cold weather in Denver for several months
Pink Floyd –even though I dislike the song Sheep (and the entire Animals album for that matter)
Good food –with the possible exception of beef liver and escargot
Awesome co-workers –even those who feel compelled to schedule 4:30 Friday afternoon meetings
Fridays –today is no exception with Iky Chan marking her debut as donut girl (donuts are here)

What are the things for which you are grateful?

P.S. My children would also be grateful if you purchased a fir Christmas wreath from them (today’s your last chance, sign-up sheet is at my desk)

Happy Friday

First Times and Pleasant Surprises

2010-11-12T07:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
I traveled to Huntsville, Alabama for the first time this week. I was pleasantly surprised to find a modern city with a rather diverse population. NASA, military contractors and the highest concentration of rocket scientists were not at all what I expected (I will spare you the stereotypes about the south that had crossed my mind). I was there for my first hardware manufacturer vendor conference. Again, I was pleasantly surprised to find how much insight I was able to gain, not only about their products but about the marketplace (and they paid for all expenses). And while I must confess I was not thrilled to come back to Denver’s first snowfall of the season, I must confess the beauty of snow-covered peaks has had a positive effect on my psyche.
Speaking of firsts, today is the first Friday of the new donut rotation. Granted, having donuts at my desk on a Friday is by no means a surprise, it is pleasant, nonetheless. It is also the first week Steve Hibbard (donut boy) is a member of the Friday Donut Club and I must declare his debut a success (you really can’t go wrong with LaMar’s). So come on down and grab your first donut of the day, they’re so good I won’t be surprised if you grab a second.
Happy Friday!

Billion Dollar Donut Shop

2010-11-05T07:00:00.000-07:00

Dear members and constituents
Did you hear about the billion dollar home Mukesh Ambani, the richest man in India, has built for his five person household? Yes, you read right, one BILLION dollars (insert Dr. Evil laugh). The 27 story humble abode is located in downtown Mumbai, a city where 56% of the population lives in slums. That's over 10 MILLION people (insert Dr. Evil laugh). Granted, he's probably creating 300 housekeeping jobs, but, how does somebody get so disconnected from reality? I mean, really! Details are being held close to the vest and everybody involved has signed non-disclosure agreements, so, of course, rumors of what the amenities might be are rampant. Some things are obvious: three helipads on the roof can't be hidden. Others tease the imagination. I too have succumbed to the temptation and made-up my own list of what I would Put in my next $1 billion home. There's the obvious ones like the room that controls the weather or a BMW shop (not my original ideas). Then there's the cool ones. Secret passageways, a floor nobody can get to (not even myself) and the room wallpapered with baby fawn pelts. You must have a five mile long tunnel so you can escape the angry mobs (or play super-hero) and the whole floor with trampoline floors. Of course what billion dollar home is complete without a donut shop. Yes, but should it be a LaMars, Krispy Kreme, Dunkin' Donuts or something else? Decisions, decisions, decisions. For better or worse, those decisions are not ours to make. If it were up to Erin Cathcart (donut girl) it would be Krispy Kreme (or at least that's what we have here today for your enjoyment). So come-on down leave the comfort of your palace or cubicle as the case may be and grab a donut. There's some things that money just can't buy (alright, you CAN buy donuts… but you know what I mean).
Happy Friday!

Over 6.8 Billion Alive, Following This Week's Events

2010-10-29T07:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
This week's news reports seem rife with death. Argentine presidential coronary, Indonesian tsunami and volcano, Mexican cartel, Iraqi hanging... even a psychic German octopus drowned. Of course, these deaths are the exception, not the norm. The rest of us are alive. 6.877 billion of us -not counting octopi. I know, not the most spectacular of news headlines. Still, great news for you and I. Alive to dress up like undead zombies and terrorize the neighborhood while on a trick-or-treating rampage. Alive to enjoy the crisp fall weather in a Bermuda shirt and shorts. Alive to watch the news. Alive!

Another advantage of being alive is our ability to enjoy donuts. This week Satinder Juneja (donut girl) makes her debut in our club with a spectacular assortment of the circular pastry treats. So come on down, enjoy life -and a donut- before it's too late. Also in the “to do before it’s too late” category: let me know if you don’t want to be included in the next rotation or if there are any dates you know of in the next year where you can’t do your donut duty (obviously this only applies if you are in the “to” line of this e-mail). We have one more week in the current cycle and I expect to be sending the new calendar reminders over the next week or so.

Happy Friday!

2010-10-22T07:28:00.000-07:00

[Ed Stocker; filling-in for JP]

Dear Monsters and Creepers,

The mornings are cool, the grass is frosty, leaves are changing color and covering our yards. It can only mean one thing, its Fantasy Football season. Or, I suppose, it's almost Halloween. Empty store fronts are now thriving enterprises selling all manner of costumes and costume accessories. There are houses with spooky yard displays and as many lights as they put up for Christmas. Halloween parties begin in earnest this weekend to allow you to define a change in your appearance, into pretty much anything you can conceive.

But the real mainstay of Halloween are the treats. And this morning, we have our very own ghoul, Austin "The Big" Hurt, to thank for this morning four dozen Lamar's treats. So stop by JP's Haunted Office and grab one. He's not here, but he won't mind.

Ed

There Is a Little Black Spot on the Sun Today

2010-10-15T07:02:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
This morning I would like to discuss pain with you. I realize this is an odd topic, perhaps even taboo in our hedonistic society where “have fun” has become the new “see you later”. We don’t think about it. We don’t talk about it. We avoid it (except, perhaps, those who consider pain pleasurable). We even avoid people who are in it because it makes us feel uncomfortable. Lately, I’ve been considering the notion that a little pain in our lives may be good for us. Not only does it help us better appreciate good health, it also reminds us that in the grand scheme of things we are feeble transitory things. Perhaps the attitude prior generations held towards self-mortification as a way to keep the flesh in check has some merit. I must admit I find the notion of heroically enduring pain as a means to purification somewhat appealing. Don’t get me wrong, I am not advocating self-flagellation or ritual injury (nor am I in favor of any sadomasochistic practice). I am simply suggesting a different attitude towards pain may be healthier than our current avoidance techniques.

At first blush, it seems easier to embrace certain kinds of pain. I consider this category “clean” pain (e.g. sharp pain coming from an external object). As I dig deeper, I find it harder to embrace the other, “dirty” pain (e.g. bowels, arthritis, lower back). I acknowledge this dirty pain probably has the same benefits to our psyche as clean pain. And what about enduring discomfort, heat, hunger, humidity, bad smells? Those too probably have some merit.

As we become more accepting of pain, our ability to appreciate pleasure should increase. Imagine you’ve just gotten over the pain from stubbing your toe when suddenly a sweet aroma comes wafting by. Your new awareness leads you down the hallway where you suddenly realize the source: donuts. Your heart races, your pupils dilate and your mouth starts to water. Scott Leif (donut boy) passes by you as a blur having delivered the bounty of four dozen donuts. You take a bite and your taste buds dance at the explosion of flavor reaching them. Fortunately, you don’t need to imagine… just come on down (to stubbing optional) and enjoy a donut (or two)

Happy Friday!

P.S. Another topic that is a bit painful for me is re-chartering the club every time we start a new rotation. Our current donut rotation goes through November 5th. Unless I hear otherwise from you over the next couple of weeks, I will assume those of you in the “to” line wish to continue your membership in the club.

Donut Management

2010-10-08T06:59:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents
Whenever I go to the barber (or hairstylist, as the case may be) there's one question which is sure to kill the conversation. What do you do for a living? If I say product manager I get the deer in the eyes headlights stare. It's no better if I say I work in telecommunications. So what's a guy to do to keep an interesting conversation going? Do I lie and say I'm a base jumper, or a butcher, or a construction worker? Do I go ahead with my actual job and then struggle to explain what it is that I do? While the last two days of product management training have taught me a lot, I think I'm going to go with the white lie. So, the next time a random lady stops me on the street and says "you're that guy who climbs the highest peaks around the globe" don't be surprised. You should also not be surprised by the fact delicious donuts are at my desk this morning. After over six years of running the Friday Don’t Club, I consider it a mature product. Credit for delivering the donuts this morning goes to Jim Johnson, donut boy and fellow product manager. So come on down and grab one… and if you see Jim down the hall, congratulate him on the excellent “marketing mix”.
Happy Friday!

New Acronym: DAAS

2010-10-01T08:01:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents

With all the buzz around cloud computing it occurs to me this term was not coined in Colorado. We would be all about blue sky computing. None of this cloud mumbo jumbo. The latest trend is to call it CAAS -computing as a service. In fact, you can add “AAS” after almost anything and have a trendy acronym: IAAS, SAAS… PAAS –Infrastructure, Software…. Passover? respectively. Case in point, this e-mail was drafted entirely using Dragon Dictation. Sure it has its glitches (below is the unedited output of this application), but it does the job. What if DAAS was added to the lingo? What would donuts as a service look like? Donuts show-up every Friday without you having to go buy them. Wait! We already have that, it's called the Friday Donut Club. This Friday, services were rendered by Melissa Blassingame, donut girl. So, come partake in this new technological revolution and the next time someone asks "how did you get that donut?" just say it's DAAS .

Happy Friday!

(As promised, for your amusement, here is the Dragon Dictation raw output)
With all the buzz around cloud computing it occurs to me this term is not going to Colorado. we be all about blue sky computing benefits cloud so just go. Latest trends to call at CAF computing as a service. In fact you can add a a S after almost anything and have a trendy acronym; at 8 AM on my AAAS P AAAS- their infrastructure Passover? Respectively. Jason point this e-mail was drafted entirely using Dragon Dictation. shirts that if you bitches( Below is the unedited output of this application but it does the job ) what is the AAAS ratted the lingo? What we doing this as a service look like? Go to show up every Friday without you having to go by the. Wait. We are you have that it's called Friday go to club. This Friday services rendered by Melissa Blasingame you're doing a girl to come partake in this new technological revolution and the next time someone asks how did you get that donut just say it's dad .
Happy Friday

Donut Piracy

2010-09-24T06:49:00.000-07:00

Dear members and constituents
Last Sunday was national talk like a pirate day. Did you neglect to observe it as well? The way I see it, today is as good a day as any to make it up, after all, pirates are not known for their timeliness. The first thing to decide is what kind of a pirate will you be talkin' like? After all, piracy is not the exclusive domain of the Irish. If you're thinking intellectual property piracy, it seems China is the place to be these days (Ecuador would also do, however, given the modest size of it's population, it is not top of mind). As for more traditional lines of piracy, Somalia seems to be home to most modern seafaring pirates (the newsworthy ones anyway). Of course, the obvious choice is the Hollywood varietal. So here goes nothing:

Argh matey! The mess hall be overflowin' with round delicious treasure. So, unless you be wantin' to walk the plank, get off the poop deck and wander on down. Yo ho, donuts and a bottle of rum for ye! In true pirate spirit, cabin boy Roger Greene, was threatening sabotaged the loot by purchasin’ only old fashioned sour cream. Neptune's beard be praised, he didn’t fulfill his threat.
Happy Friday!

Donut Details

2010-09-17T07:20:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
They say the Devil is in the details. Does that mean detail-oriented people have one hell of a time? As for sweating the details, that notion might be attributed to the fact hell is reportedly hot (the further you are from them, the less you perspire). Of course the road to hell is paved with good intentions, so it should come as no surprise I had intended to write an inspiring note this morning, instead, you get this (I know, details, details).

In thinking about the origin of the word details, it occurs to me the Devil has a tail… a D-tail, if you will… (this is probably not the correct etymology, so don’t go around spreading this notion). Another word that begins with the letter D is donut (perhaps a better urban myth to start). This morning Ben Peterson (donut boy) broke away from his detail-laden advanced computer model long enough to make a donut run at LaMar’s. So whether you are a big picture person or you’re down in the weeds, come on down and help yourself to a delicious donut.

Happy Friday!

Mad Media. Delicious Donuts.

2010-09-10T09:11:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
Is it just me, or is the press intent on making a bigger deal than usual of things this week? Daylong programming on a single topic, rehashing the old hash with no new news. Don’t get me wrong, I like to be as informed as the next man, and I do feel for the folks who lost their homes. But rambling on-and-on about the goings-on without a shred of new news. Flaming arguments over burning documents. Reporters report about reports they should not have reported. Making a big deal about having made a big deal of the mad dealings of a madman. Seems a bit much. So, I’ve decided to do this week’s news in verse.

Smoke in Boulder getting looks
Crazy pastor threatens books
Burning homes. Burning tomes.

Can’t we all just get along?
All hold hands and sing a song?
Radical Christian. Radical Islam.

No more burning, let us barter
Build your mosque a little further
Towers’ stump. Donald Trump?

Why should tensions build so high?
Have a donut, do not fight
Feeding anger. Feeding hunger.

With a donut sweet and tender
To your senses now surrender
Come on down. Come sit down.

A special thanks to Kevin Meadors (donut boy) for providing us this much needed distraction from world events.
Happy Friday!

Therapeutic Donuts

2010-09-03T06:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
Ever get stressed-out? I know, that seems like a stupid question to ask this group. I must confess I'm not the type to let stress get to me. I seem to have a natural predisposition to prioritize my work, organize my life and smile at all times. However, for some reason, this week has been challenging. So, I've been trying to think of good ways to relieve stress. I’ve come-up with a few. Here they are in no particular order (let me know if you have others that work for you):

Sing to the radio at the top of my lungs on my commute home. Stress is diffused amongst all those looking sideways at me. Particularly Ed, my carpool (he suspects I might be loosing my sanity)
Make a to-do list. Seeing the problem in black and white helps (you mean I'm stressed over this? That's it?!?)
Avoid the temptation to skip the gym and family time so as to get more work done. Usually, when that temptation arises, I've reached the point of diminishing returns anyway.

Fridays, stress relief is not a problem. People just seem friendlier and the future less ominous. The prospect of the weekend ahead coupled with the ready availability of donuts make for a delightful day. This morning is no exception. My sincere thanks to Brad Christian (donut boy) for delivering four dozen LaMar’s donuts. Shout it out, donuts are here.

Happy Friday!

The Donut Fairy Was Here

2010-08-31T07:01:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
We inhabit a world which is continuously stripped of its mysteries. Every scientific breakthrough. Every explorer’s accomplishment. Cold cerebral rationalization is slowly replacing magic. All things must have a logical explanation (which does not involve mystical creatures). Long gone are the days when we were afraid of what might lurk in the dark or were awed by the fog rolling into the crags at dusk. Or are they? As I arrived at my desk this morning a familiar yellow box sat on my chair with a heart-shaped note attached to it. The note read “Nothing like donuts on Tuesday” and was signed by the Donut Fairy. My advice to you this morning is not to question why or how this happened or who is behind this, just know there are three dozen donuts waiting for you at my desk. Come on down, there’s plenty for everyone.

Happy Fr… Tuesday!

In Donuts We Trust

2010-08-27T07:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
How much is a dollar worth, and why is it we freely devote countless hours to work for a paycheck? When you think about it, a dollar has no intrinsic worth. It is not a good building material and has questionable nutritional value (although I bet it’s rich in fiber). A hundred dollar bill probably costs about the same to produce as a one dollar bill (and I bet coins cost more to manufacture). The dollar is not even backed by precious metals (we did away with that in the ‘70s). So why is it so many folks around the world put their faith in the almighty dollar? If you give it some thought, I think you will agree it’s a matter of convenience and trust. Let’s face it, barter is very bulky and inconvenient (How many hams for that plasma T.V.?), so we choose to trust we will be able to exchange these dollars for the goods we need and want. We trust the value of our dollars will remain relatively constant over time. By extension we trust dollars will remain relatively rare and that the folks with the printing machines won’t make too many of them. We even put the word “trust” on the bills themselves (next to the word God, no less –talk about subliminal reinforcement).

Now the purchasing power of our dollars is not constant and the folks with the printing machines do tweak the throttle to increase or decrease our buying power a tad. In-fact, it is being suggested that a good way to decrease unemployment and get the economy going might be to devalue the dollar. If you decrease the value by 10%, you’re effectively decreasing everyone’s pay (and life savings) by about that much, so you could theoretically take that money out of our collective pockets and use it to hire that 10% of Americans who are actively searching for jobs. I realize it does not quite work that way (you have to factor-in greed and we do not have a closed economy… but that is the gist of it).

Fortunately these changes in purchasing power are usually gradual and most of us can still afford to buy donuts. That is certainly the case for Penny (our monetarily named donut girl who makes her debut this morning with five dozen Krispy Kremes). She was even able to afford an extra dozen to compensate for the fact KK’s are smaller than LaMar’s. Supply should certainly be able to keep pace with demand. Enjoy!
Happy Friday!

Peace, Love & Donuts

2010-08-20T07:07:00.000-07:00

Dear members and constituents,
When thinking of a utopian society, peace and love come to mind as two of it's key traits. But if you were building this society, which would you prioritize -say, if you had limited funding, and needed to phase-out the project. Love comes naturally in a peaceful society. Similarly, peace is to be expected when love prevails. But which is the better precursor to the other? The Beatles speak out of both sides of their mouth when it comes to this topic. They would have you believe love is all you need, yet, it was the very John Lennon who said we should give peace a chance. Then again this may be a false trade-off. It seems to me, peace is to love what chickens are to eggs (or muggy weather to mosquitoes). You can't have one without the other. I think there is a third item without which the utopian society is not possible. Donuts.

This morning we have two donut girls. Tracy Holick, responsible for the physical donuts present at my desk (first day of school has caused the slight delay in delivery) and Stacy Jackson, responsible for the virtual donuts (this note’s topic was inadvertently triggered by her). Stacy is also responsible for a short story on NPR which aired Wednesday night, in which she speaks of Donuts, no less (well, sort of…). So, come-on down and get started on the journey to a new social order. One donut at a time.
Happy Friday!

Donut Surrogate

2010-08-13T07:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
Our lives seem to be filled with surrogates. Rationalization substituting religion. TV filling-in for conversation. Facebook replacing physical social interaction. Why is it we get caught-up in these alternatives to the real thing? To be sure, every case is unique and each medium has it's own appeal. Take facebook. I don't know whether the number of your posts is truly inversely proportional to the amount of face-to-face interaction you get, however, it stands to reason the more time you spend using it, the less time you have left-over for other activities. I think the it is such an appealing surrogate has to do with the fact it keys-in on several reward mechanisms. There’s something for everyone. Whether you’re an exhibitionist (sharing all the minutia in your life), a voyeur (keeping tabs on others), a journalist (archiving things for posterity), a collector (accumulating friends) or a gamer (pretending to be a rancher or a mobster)… you can get it on facebook. Plus it’s convenient.

Donuts may be irreplaceable, however, we do have a substitute for you today. Before you panic, you should know I’m talking about our surrogate donut boy, Andrew McClure, who is filling-in for Alissa Baan (vacation girl). So come-on down and reward yourself with the sweet taste of a fresh donut. And, they’re ready for your consumption right now. How convenient.

Happy Friday!

Donut Canals

2010-08-06T07:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
Have you ever subjected yourself to a root canal? Of all the activities we willingly undergo, root canals are the closest thing I know to raw, unadulterated torture. A simultaneous stimulation of all senses, root canals are an equal opportunity tormenter. The sound of the drill. The smell of burnt teeth and rotten bone marrow. The taste of tooth fragments and bleach. The sight of your teeth, turned to stubs. The vibration of your entire skull in response to the blunt instruments used… not to mention the raw pain emanating from that inadvertently pinched nerve-ending. A funny thing happens when you sit helpless on the endodontist’s chair, mouth full of cotton, wondering whether to dignify his latest question with a response (surely he realizes all the instruments in my mouth prevent me from articulate speech): You start to think absesses might not be so bad, after all. Mild chronic pain, bone loss and even toothlessness briefly seem attractive alternatives. Of course, these fleeting thoughts pass and you successfully finish what you started.

Donuts, on the other hand, provide an altogether pleasant sensory stimulation: soft, sinuous, sweet, scented… sigh! This morning, Craig Mundell (donut boy) is responsible for providing us with four dozen LaMar’s donuts. Now that’s the kind of treatment your teeth really deserve: biting into the soft, doughy texture of a fresh donut. Let your teeth know what’s good.
Happy Friday!

Denver Donuts Deliver Dreamy Deliciousness

2010-07-30T19:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
How one sees things is inevitably conditioned by one’s perspective. Take, for example, the shepherd who tells his incredulous buddy about the Pterodactyl he just shot. “Did you kill it?” asks the friend. “No, but I did startled it enough to drop the sheep it had taken”. The newspaper article describing this self-same event tells the tragic story of a hang-glider pilot plummeting to his death, shot-down by a cold-blooded sniper. For those of you gaping in horror, this is a cruel joke (any similarity to actual events is unintended –and highly unlikely). It does help me make the point that our experiences frame our perception. This is the proverbial box we keep being told to think outside of.

I recently got a taste of my own ethnocentricity in Panama City’s Tocumen International Airport. I awaited my connection, browsing duty-free goods in this giant monument to consumerism, when I had to do a double-take. A Dunkin’ Donuts. This remote enclave had a quintessentially American icon. A donut chain Denver lacked, for that matter. The tenth largest central business district and sixteenth largest T.V. market in the U.S. was outdone by a third world city half its size. For those of you gaping in horror, this is not a cruel joke (any notion Denver is the donut capital of the world is misplaced –and misguided). My prejudices led to my incredulity.

Today, my appeal to you is not that you think outside the box, but rather, that you reach into one for a donut. I don’t ask you to postpone your propensities, but rather, that you indulge your inclinations. Not to bemoan the absence of Dunkin Donuts, but rather, to celebrate the delicious LaMar’s selection Tina Telson (donut girl) makes available this morning.

Happy Friday!

Agile Donuts

2010-07-23T07:29:00.000-07:00

[Ed Stocker; filling-in for JP]

Dear members and Constituents,

In JP’s absence The Donut Club has self organized into an Agile Scrum. In this weeks Sprint, Bill Long has Prototyped 4 dozen Lamar’s Donuts. They are located in the Bullpen (32C-415) for your testing.

Please come by and provide your feedback on the enjoyment level obtained from the first delivery in our Agile transformation.

Scrum Master Ed

TGIF and the donuts are here

2010-07-16T07:29:00.000-07:00

[Carlos Belloso; filling-in for JP]

Dear members and Constituents,
No haikus or donut trivia today, but the donuts ARE here!
Thank you Jill Daugherty for being our “donut girl” this week :-)

I've Got the Donut Blues

2010-07-09T07:35:00.000-07:00

[Ed Stocker; filling-in for JP]

Dear members and Constituents,

This has been a short week, which almost always guarantees a busy week. Adding to this I also moved offices. Given this, I haven’t been able to compose a proper email this week worthy enough to announce the arrival of Donuts this morning. It’s not an excuse, well, its kind of an excuse, but not really a good one. So, I will reach out to the immortal “Joliet” Jake Blues for some good reasons why there isn’t a better email.

“I ran out of gas. I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! It wasn't my fault, I swear to god!”

With that, thanks to Carlos Belloso, aka Donut Boy, for finding the time to bring four dozen Daylight Donuts which are waiting in JP’s office for your enjoyment, the only thing better would be “four fried chickens and a Coke”.

As a parting thought, the next time you see The Blues Brothers playing on a remote cable channel, don’t pass it over, take the time to watch a few minutes, its still as good (or better) than the first time you saw it.

Happy Friday,

Independence Day Donuts

2010-07-02T07:38:00.000-07:00

[Ed Stocker; filling-in for JP]

Donut Club Members and Constitutionals,

The 4th of July is a uniquely American Holiday, and a good day to ponder what makes us special. There are many characteristics of America, but one I am thinking about is that America is a true melting pot of cultures. One of those is the Dutch, a large portion of which settled in Pennsylvania. These Pennsylvania Dutch, as they came to be known, were excellent bakers. They brought us the modern variation on cookies, cream pies, cobblers and of course apple pie. Why do I bring this up today in the donut email?

Donuts have a varied history around the world and come in many different shapes and tastes. But, donuts were truly perfected in America by the legendary bakers, the Pennsylvania Dutch. So on the eve of the eve of the most American of Holidays, celebrate like a Pennsylvania Dutchman and have a donut for America.

And along the way thank Donut Boy Eric Jochens for the four dozen delicious Winchell’s donuts located, as always, at JP’s desk.

Enjoy!

Summer Vacation

2010-06-25T07:04:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,

It’s official. Summer is here and you know what that means.

Record-breaking heat (yes, today is one of those days slated to approach the high-water mark)
Action verbs (hiking, riding, climbing, camping, swimming, rafting, paintballing)
Cars crashing into deer, then bursting into flames (until this morning’s news, I had not thought of deer as highly flammable – could that be the cause of so many brush fires?)
Kids wondering what to do (dad, I’m bored… -preferred intonation involves the use of long, drawn-out vowel sounds followed by a pout)

I’d like to dwell on this last item a little longer. Why is it not standard practice for adults to take the entire summer off? All through our formative years we are conditioned to anticipate two and a half months of leisure. Then, by the time we finally know what to do with the time, we get cut-off. Hardly seems fair. Granted, I realize that from a practical perspective, having everyone take the summer off would involve food shortages, utility outages and security lapses (not to mention unpaid mortgages). Highly inconvenient. Still, there are probably less disruptive ways to implement such a practice (how about half of us take every other summer off?). Fortunately, it is not my task to solve this problem for society, only for myself. I will therefore be out-of-office the next four Fridays. In my absence, Ed Stocker has agreed to send-out a donut reminder on Friday mornings and ensure no empty donut boxes are left in my office at the end of the day. I, for my part, will be suffering donut withdrawal in Cuenca, Ecuador (a place with no donut shops).

Of course, today none of us need suffer from donut withdrawal today. Nelson Bostrom (donut boy) makes his club debut with four dozen LaMar’s specimens. Come on down and celebrate Summer’s arrival with a deliciously sweet treat. It will take you away to that special place (emotionally, that is).

Happy Friday!

Baskets, Goals and Donuts

2010-06-18T07:00:00.000-07:00

Dear members and constituents,
How about them LA Lakers? You Boston fans will have to forgive me, but that was some clutch play. It seems appropriate one of the lowest scoring finals in NBA history would come during the World Cup. Granted, more points were probably scored than in your average Soccer tournament, still, it was a defensive battle (and some dreadful offense). It also seems appropriate, as we begin the seventh year of the Friday Donut Club, it took seven games to finish the final series. Let's hope the USA team (playing right now) gets to play seven games in the World Cup (which would put them in the final game). They’re down 1-0 to Slovenia, but it could still happen. Not a believer?, ask Spain whether they ever expected to loose to Switzerland.

Need more proof you can expect the unexpected? Ask Bryce Christensen (donut boy). After months of alternating between LaMar’s and Krispy Kreme, the perpetual staples of our Friday diet, he decided to go with Winchell’s. I bet it’s not what you expected. So, peel yourself off of the ESPN webcast (if you can), grab your Vuvuzela and come score a donut. You could probably use the exercise.
Happy Friday!

Do-the-nut math

2010-06-11T07:00:00.000-07:00

Dear members and constituents
Do numbers hold special meanings, or are they just a vessel to convey quantities? Throughout history, various cultures have attributed different significance to certain numbers. On this, the sixth anniversary of the Friday Donut Club, it occurs to me the number six has gotten a bad rap… probably stemming from the use of 666 as the number of the beast. But six is not 666. Six is a human number. Let me explain. If you add three, the number for the divine (the Trinity, the cardinal virtues) to four, the number of the earth (the four elements, the cardinal points), you have seven, the complete number (hence, It's lucky connotation). If you are one shy of seven, you're incomplete, in other words, human. So, how did 666 become the number of the beast? Simple really, six repeated three times is man trying to be God. But six by itself is not bad at all, in fact, it's great!

So when you see the number 6 emblazoned on half the four dozen donuts here today, don't freak out. It's not an exercise in the demonic; it's just Andrea Pierantozzi (donut girl) going the extra mile to celebrate our sixth anniversary. Of course you should certainly avoid having three (insert evil laugh)

Happy anniversary and happy Friday!

Happy Holidays!

2010-06-04T07:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
This week we celebrate a very special day. A day of remembrance. A day to appreciate what we have. In honor of this high holiday, I’ve prepared an acrostic as my humble way of honoring this most important of days.

Many years ago
Exhausted from the toils of war
Miserable and downhearted
Over the horizon came a ray of hope
Rising from the ashes
Inspiring everyone
Amazing generosity
Lovely gift to share

Doughnuts fried in soldiers’ helmets
Appeared thanks to the Salvation Army Ladies’ Auxiliary
Years have passed, but still we remember

By now you surely have guessed the holiday in question. So, let me be the first to wish you a happy National Donut Day! This holiday, held the first Friday of June each year, was founded by the Chicago Salvation Army in 1938 to honor the women who served donuts to soldiers in World War I. Now, if you don’t have a Dunkin’ Donuts nearby (so as to have one of their donuts for free), don’t despair. Both LaMar’s and Krispy Kreme have free donut offers to honor the day as well. Better yet, come on down to my desk and celebrate in high fashion. Matt Hawthorne (donut boy) delights us with four dozen Krispy Kremes.

Happy Friday!
P.S. a big thank you to Kelly for bringing this high holiday to my attention this year.

Annoying e-Mail

2010-05-28T07:01:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
From the humble chain letters to the malicious 419 scam (a reference to article in the Nigerian criminal code making it a crime), people continue to send junk e-mail. Sure, some seem harmless enough and yes, they tug at basic emotions (compassion, greed)… but… really? Today I wanted to share some generic examples with you:

1. Google Money (or Microsoft, or Apple or…) for my surgery
Hi, you don’t know me, but I’m [proof of being a good person] on whom some huge evil has befallen [insert ailment]. I’m writing because [Insert giant Tech company name] has offered to pay [$X cents] for every time this e-mail is forwarded. If you don’t forward this you’re sub-human. (this works best if the domain of the company the sender’s e-mail is in is a competitor of the domain of the company giving the money ;o)

2. Threatening inspirational message
Usually a power point with beautiful pictures and music, inspirational words from a poet or religious figure… so far so good. Then, you know it’s coming… the threat. You must wish for something good, tell you it will happen if you forward the e-mail to X people [which may be a tiered approach, 1-5 people: a little good; 6-10: better; 10–15: great; over 15: awesome] tell you a horror story of someone who didn’t forward and assure you this is true for some quasi religious or superstitious reason.

3. Your identity please
[must write in poor English]. Dear. My name is doctor [foreign sounding name]. I have come about money [describe plausible circumstance] and trust you [why?] to help me launder it (alternative: you are my sole heir). Please contact my associate [degree, name] and give him all your identifying information so we can steal your identity [or better yet, send money]. God bless.

My guess is there are still folks out there who can be manipulated by these… Fortunately, you don’t need to worry about this e-mail. It’s purpose is simply to announce donuts have arrived (after all, we are talking donuts, not spam). They are ready to be consumed, courtesy of Nate Meyer (donut boy) and come with no strings attached, no forwarding of this e-mail required, no catch. So come on down and grab one, lest seven years of bad luck befall you. Five dozen angelic donuts await you.

Happy Friday!

Brain Food

2010-05-21T07:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
Do you consider yourself a left or right brain person? Does your mind steer towards a deliberate and scientific approach to problem-solving? or, does art awaken amazing adventures of the heart? I’m not sure I buy into the popular notion that people can conveniently be categorized in this way. Be that as it may, whether you deliberately organize every aspect of your life or creatively associate random events to achieve new heights, there's one thing that left and right minded people can all agree on: donuts. You can be intrigued by the process or amazed by the taste. You may deliberately pursue the physiological effects of sugar or simply let yourself get carried away… By virtue of being round, donuts don’t have a left side or a right side and therefore appeal to all. This morning, Chris Hynes (donut boy) has something to delight your heart and soul: four dozen LaMar’s donuts. So, do the logical thing that feels good and come grab one (or more).
Happy Friday!

Awesome!

2010-05-14T07:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
It's Friday again, what an awesome day! Time to tie loose ends and reflect on all the week's accomplishments. Time to plan for and anticipate the weekend's possibilities. A time when the glass is definitely half-full (whether that be coffee, tea, cold milk or another beverage of your choice). A time for donuts -to accompany the aforementioned half-full glass. An awesome time! Come get your share of awesomeness, courtesy of Ronald Cook (donut boy). 'Nuff said.
Happy Friday!

There's a Hole in the Bottom of the Gulf

2010-05-07T07:00:00.000-07:00

Dear members and constituents,
A hole in and of itself is neither bad nor good. This value judgment (good vs. bad) comes from context. Take, for example, the giant beaver dam in Northern Canada. Several generations of beavers spent nearly 40 years building a 2,200 foot dam. It's so big, you can see from space. After all that hard work, I'm sure the beavers would hate to see it develop a hole. Also in the bad category, there’s a hole in the bottom of the sea. There’s a pipe from BP in the hole in the bottom of the sea. There is a slick from three leaks in the pipe from BP in the hole in the bottom of the sea. And the black oil spills all around all around, ‘till the black oil slick runs aground.

On the other hand there’s the good holes. This morning, Monisha Merchant (donut girl) delights us with four dozen holes of the good variety (contained within a like-number of donuts). And while they’re dam good, you should to be careful not to spill them.

Happy Friday!

Donut Take Them for Granted

2010-04-30T07:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
Why do we take things for granted? When you get down to it, we're a rather fortunate bunch. Yet, there is a propensity to under-value the people, experiences and things in our lives. We want what we don't or can't have. It's a human thing. I suppose this quest for more is the seed of our species' progress. If cavemen were content to sit by the fire we would not have the Internet. Still, one can never have it all, so why not enjoy what we have? The love of family, the company of comrades the comfort of hearth and home and, why not, Friday donuts.
Come, forget for a moment all the things you don't have and experience how sweet a donut can truly be when you're caught-up in the moment. Don't forget to thank Marc Solome while you're at it for his stellar debut in the club.

Happy Friday!

Ye all Come Hither, Donuts Hath Arriveth

2010-04-23T08:00:00.000-07:00

[Ed Stocker; filling-in for JP]

Since today is April 23, and as you must already know April 23 is the official Talk Like Shakespeare day, I bring you a Friday morning Sonnet.*

Donuts and the Bard

‘Tis Friday, the three and twentieth day.
Officially time to talk like Shakespeare,
In the month of April, right before May.
Methinks this day shall pleaseth mouth and ear.

Start with the high post of donuts to eat.
To embrace and talk like the bard today,
Is a quest cousins, to you I entreat.
Use ur olde English and see what ye say.

Sir Rusty Corne is no canker-blossom,
A Dozen by four he hath supplieth.
LaMar’s sweet moist temptations most awesome.
Get thou to JP’s, don’t walk ye, runneth.

Wrap now this folly and move it along,
JP’s back next week, and I beat the gong.

*I didn’t say a good Sonnet.

Mmmmmmm, Donuts

2010-04-16T08:00:00.000-07:00

[Ed Stocker; filling-in for JP]

According to JP’s extensive research work into Donut lore, today is the official International Day of the Donut*.

Isn’t it ironic that on the International day of the Donut, JP, our Donut CEO, is in Ecuador hundreds of miles from the nearest Donut purveyor; while we have 5 dozen of LaMar’s finest to celebrate this widely acclaimed international holiday. Some come by JP’s office and observe this, the most wonderful of holidays, with a freshly delivered donut courtesy of Yuko Aoyagi.

*Fact checkers have been unable to substantiate this claim by independent research, i.e. a Google search.

Today's Donuts are The Bomb!

2010-04-09T07:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
With sports news dominating much of the headlines this week (baseball opening, golf sub-plots, blue devil this or that…), I decided to go in a totally different direction. This morning, I figured some common sense advice could come-in handy (not that any of you are lacking in this department). Ready, fire, aim!

Don’t smoke, it’s bad for you (if in doubt, refer to label on the cigarette pack)
If you do decide to smoke, don’t do it in designated non-smoking areas
Should you decide to contravene this advice, don’t smoke in places with stiff penalties and sanctions… say, the lavatory of an airplane
If, by chance, you feel an urge to go against this advice… and get caught, don’t joke about lighting a shoe bomb
Of course, none of the above applies if you are a diplomat

On the other hand, to my knowledge, the consumption of donuts has not been connected to cancer, emphysema or any second-hand ailments. Furthermore, I know of no place which bans their consumption or has created specially designated donut consumption areas. This morning, Jay Leslie (donut boy) makes it easy for you to indulge with four dozen delicious LaMar’s donuts (including a dozen specialty donuts). Put your fuse-less shoes on and come grab a bite. It’s bound to light-up your day.
Happy Friday!

Easter Donuts are Here

2010-04-02T07:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
The Easter season has me thinking about pastel-colored hard-boiled eggs and bunnies… and how they came to be associated with this celebration. In my mind, the logic goes something like this:

Eggs are inanimate objects out of which springs new life, a symbol of the miracle of resurrection. If a chick were to spring-out of a hard-boiled egg, now that would be quite the miracle
Of course, as we all know, rabbits reproduce by means of laying chocolate eggs. A natural association anyone familiar with rodent biology would make
As for the pastel colors, try as I might, I can’t think of a logical reason

If you ask me, I think we should add donuts to this disparate list. The justification might be the fact they are are a holy food (donuts have holes, get it?) or that they look like halos. Then again, as with the pastel colors, no justification may be necessary.

I think I may not be the only one who would like to create a tie between Easter and donuts. This week I received a T-Shirt which reads “The Donut Whisperer”. Thank you annonymous donor. Thanks also go to Melissa Nibbelnk for providing the four dozen delicious LaMar’s donuts sitting at my desk. So, if you’re in the office today, come and get your Easter treat.

Happy Friday!

Today's Donuts are Rich

2010-03-26T08:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
Who is wealthy and what does it truly mean to be rich? Is the trust fund bunny, devoid of joie de vivre better off than the fool, who can’t feel the pangs of hunger thinking of his beloved? All the material possessions and comforts in the world can’t buy curiosity or desire or motivation. The vibrant energy which comes from anticipating the weekend is free as is a stimulating conversation with a friend. Sure, having the financial freedom to pursue your passions is nice, however, absent the passions money is worthless. I’m with the Beatles on this one, money can’t buy me love…

Although you don’t have to be rich to enjoy a donut, you should know Rich Law (donut boy) is responsible for today’s batch. He delights us with four dozen LaMar’s pastries. So, come on down and let a wealth of flavor engulf your senses as you bite into one of those soft, sweet treats. You’ve earned it.
Happy Friday!

March Madness Manifesto

2010-03-19T07:06:00.000-07:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
I realize what I’m about to say may be shocking to some of you, however, I don’t get March Madness. I don’t follow college basketball and despite having won money in both of the brackets I entered last year, I decided to quit while I was ahead and not enter any this year. I realize this highly alliterated event is a passion for many of you and I respect that… it’s just not my thing. Perhaps if they drew some inspiration from donuts it might be more appealing to me… Instead of the Sweet Sixteen they could have the dirty dozen (obviously the Sweet Dozen would be ideal, unfortunately it does not meet the alliteration naming criteria)… Fortunately, I have no influence in this sphere. Today, the maddening March traffic has not prevented the timely delivery of some sweet pastry hoops (courtesy of Brent Fontana –donut boy). So come on down, beverage in hand, grab a donut and be careful not to dribble.
Happy Friday!

Donut Shop Training Manual

2010-03-12T07:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
When it comes to training, I think there are some universal lesssons to be gleamed from a donut shop employee handbook. If you were not already convinced about the donut's universal appeal, I think these words of wisdom might bring you over to the sweet side of the force. Here are a few taken at random.

When presenting reports to management you should procure to represent the bar charts as long johns
Under no circumstances (even if dared by another employee) put your hand in the deep fryer
To be succesful, you must be familiar with our entire portfolio of donuts. We encourage all our employees to consume as much of our product as possible -on us
The question "paper or plastic" has too many syllables. Instead try "cake or glazed"
Thou shallt not fritter away the day nor shalt thou throw away apple fritters, they keep for weeks
Donuts make people happy. Their absence has been known to, in some exteme cases, be the cause of widespread panic, looting an destruction. It is therefore imperative that our business continuity and disaster recovery procedures be followed to the letter

This week Ben Garrard (BC/DR donut boy) takes heed of this last piece of advice, filling-in for Monisha Merchant, who realized too late it's hard to find a donut shop in Lisbon (not to mention the commute). So, there is no need for you to smash or burn anything down. They're here. Come and get yours.

Happy Friday!

Donuts Are Here, Dive-In!

2010-03-07T17:41:00.000-08:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
Are you the type to dive into the ice-cold lake or do you dip your toe in the water and walk-in from the shallow end? Do you rip off the band aid or slowly peel it away from your skin? Is a short yet intense burst of agony better than a long, drawn-out series of lesser pains? While the option you choose may well be a matter of personal preference, I believe the answer also depends on your level of commitment to the activity at hand. If you’re wondering whether the water is too cold to swim in, dipping your toe may well be the way to go. For the record, you will usually find me on the "take the plunge" camp.

Today, Shiri Bahar (donut girl) faced a similar dilemma. You see, she is taking the day off. She could have traded days with someone else but that would have only prolonged the process. Instead, she has decided to come-in and be done with it. And now, it’s your turn! To savor a small donut bite-by-bite and make the donut last or to take the plunge and go full boar for the Bavarian crème long john. Whatever your preference, they’re here!

Happy Friday!

Red Letter Day

2010-02-26T06:58:00.000-08:00

Dear Members and Constituents,
It’s funny how life seems to throw little clues your way. Words and images jump out to you and patterns emerge out of what might otherwise appear like a random setting. Take today. What a beautiful crisp, clear day this is turning-out to be. The frost spread across the fields like whipped cream on pumpkin pie. Makes one feel like the king of the world. Do not get me wrong, I'm all for democracy, but it would be nice to be monarch for a day.

Now take the words in red from the paragraph above and try to decipher the coded message... Crisp... Cream... King... Do not... give up? Krispy Kreme are here today, courtesy of Jeff King, donut boy. So come on down and grab one to make your day even brighter!

Happy Friday!

Circular Ramblings

2010-02-19T07:37:00.000-08:00

Dear members and constituents,

They say that in order to host an Olympiad, a country must go deep into debt. This tidbit seems rather timely, you see, in order for a country to have borrowed, someone must have also lent. Coincidentally, this week marked the beginning of Lent (hopefully none of your Lenten resolutions involve donuts). Of course, donuts are shaped like Olympic medals. I've heard rumors the U.S. women's figure skating team has given-up donuts for Lent -could this keep them off the medal podium? Which brings our argument full circle, the shape of a donut.

Speaking of donuts Chris Zajic marks his debut as donut boy today with four dozen delicious LaMar’s medals. So, come take the podium and reward yourself for your achievements. Certainly, making it through the week should count as one of them.

Happy Friday!