Friday, April 22, 2016

Ecuador and Donuts


Friends,
Saturday’s 7.8 magnitude quake in coastal region of Ecuador has put me in an introspective mood –as some of you are aware, I’m Ecuadorian. With a death toll over 570 people, 7,000 injured and 25,000 living in shelters, this is the worst disaster the country has seen in generations. The way the news broke in my household was surreal (a WhatsApp message to a guest whose family lives near the epicenter), so were the photos coming-in. A building where it appears a giant baby has whimsically smashed the top half onto the bottom, so it sits precariously perched at an odd angle with half of a crumbling middle floor missing. A crackled asphalt road with a five foot gash where a maroon car is impossibly lodged looks like something Salvador Dalí might have painted. A survivor being pulled through an impossibly small hole in the concrete and rebar. When relegated to remote corners of the world like Nepal, Turkey or Haiti, similar images struck me at an intellectual level –I empathized and felt bad for THEM. Now, even though my mountain hometown was spared, it feels personal. There’s a sense of helplessness mixed with the desire to be there in person to help (not just google “Ecuador disaster relief” and pick an NGO). There’s also a realization that life is short and disaster can strike anyone, anywhere at any time. Armed with that knowledge, you should grab a donut –courtesy of Ashley Button. Unfortunately, my week-long pilgrimage through Windstreamland precludes me from being there to partake of this bounty with you –which means there’s more for you.
Happy Friday!

Friday, April 15, 2016

Get Your Donut Fix!


Friends,
Colorado is an odd place. When I first moved here it was illegal to buy booze on Sundays. Now the recreational use of marihuana is legal. Despite the ready availability of the drug, I will confess to never having tried it (not even Bill Clinton style). Still, despite my lack of worldly experience, I’ve learned to recognize the smell and can’t help but wonder whether the second-hand traces of the substance that permeate our air may somehow affect us all. Is Denver mellower and perhaps hungrier than other cities? Perhaps. Perhaps I’ve deluded myself into thinking I’ve never felt this altered state of consciousness. With 4/20 coming-up next week, I thought it would be as good an excuse as any to swing-by Habit Donut and give it a try. So whether you’ve got a hankering for a Mocha Latte donut, a Matcha Matcha green tea glaze or a Pineapple Jalapeño Whatever donut, this is your call to come get your fix. Don’t worry, I understand it is still illegal to infuse these babies with THC, so any buzz you get should be exclusively attributable to the sugar.

Happy Friday!

Friday, April 8, 2016

Dark Donuts

Friends,
Scientists have been known to use the word “dark” to sound smart when they’re really talking about phenomena they can’t properly explain (give something a name and it appears a lot less mysterious).
·       Dark Matter is used to describe missing stuff we believe must be there to produce the requisite gravity needed to hold galaxies together.
·       Dark Energy is used as a crutch to explain the force driving the Universe’s inexplicable accelerating expansion.
·       Dark Flow is the observed drift of thousands of galaxies, being pulled towards what might be a super-massive object outside the observable universe (perhaps a sibling universe?), somewhere between the constellations Centaurus and Vela.
If scientists can do this, why not common folk like you and I? Here are a few I can think of:
·       Dark Homework is that assignment you swear you turned-in yet somehow your teacher has no record of having received.
·       In the world of telecommunications, Dark Fiber must be an idealized transport method customers believe will deliver unfathomable capacity at ridiculously low prices –the golden unicorn of network access methods –pardon my Dark Humor.
·      Finally there are Dark Donuts which come from the Donut Bar – a place which doesn’t serve liquor but does have a nice selection of inebriatingly delicious pastries.
So satisfy that dark need for a sugar fix. You may not be able to explain it, but you know you want it.
Happy Friday!
 

Friday, April 1, 2016

Friday Bagels!


Friends,
As I pondered the selection for this morning's donut run I started thinking –dangerous, I know, but in this case I had a revelation. Why donuts? They're not the healthiest of snacks. Heck, I don't even like them all that much. Why not something healthier and, arguably, more delicious. Nothing too extreme –kale shakes and soy milk seemed like too much of a departure. Something torus-shaped (the shape of a donut) and which uses flour as its main ingredient. This morning, we’re starting a new tradition. Bagels. That distant, healthier cousin of the donut. Einstein brothers had a delectable selection of raisin, plain and everything donuts. So come help yourself to a healthier treat. And, to quote Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang Theory, Bazinga! As you recover from the mild panic attack the preceding sentences may have induced, come help yourself to a Holy Donut.
Happy April Fools’ Friday!

Friday, March 25, 2016

Donut Write-in Campaign

Friends,
Well, we’re down to five presidential candidates across the two mainstream tickets. To be perfectly honest, none of the candidates on either side of the aisle inspire me –all due respect to any die-hard fans out there. I’ve seen enough hate, vitriol, bile, intolerance, dishonesty, fanaticism, naïveté and flat-out cookery to last a lifetime –or at least four years. For a job hyped as the most powerful person on the planet, the lack of upstanding candidates is ironic. Politics feels like the only elite competition devoid of worthy adversaries, where the finalists are not the most prepared, optimally equipped or best suited for the job. In contrast, take pro sports. Set aside the occasional scandal and sour grapes over who’s actually more deserving of a league’s MVP trophy and you notice the winner’s talent and skill are seldom in question (charisma and egos notwithstanding). So, as I ponder a name for my write-in candidate in November (Joe Harding pitched-in for the donuts this week, so he’s on the short list), I figured a little daylight (donuts) couldn’t hurt. Whether or not you find yourself in a similar conundrum, a dozen donuts can help make this drawn-out election season a little sweeter (and the selection process will definitely be easier). And remember, regardless of the outcome, our founding fathers created a system of checks-and-balances which should hopefully prevent our next commander in chief from doing too much damage (thank goodness for Washington gridlock) –and who knows, they may even pitch a slam-dunk touchdown goal.
Have a Good Friday!

Friday, March 18, 2016

No Donuts for You

Friends,
They say timing is everything. There's good timing, like the start of March Madness falling on Saint Patrick's day. Then there's bad timing. Take the Callery Pear trees prematurely blooming in the Auraria campus.  The snow we're having is sure to prevent any fruit from growing. Also in this category, my feeble attempt to drive into work this morning. Forty five minutes into what should have been the first ten minutes of my commute I finally decided to turn around and come back home. So, to paraphrase Seinfeld’s “Soup Nazi”, no donuts for you!
Enjoy your Friday anyway!


Friday, March 11, 2016

Donut Savoring Time


Friends,
It’s that magical time of year. Sleeves are shorter, skin is showing; fields turn greener, leaves are growing. Life is bustling, flowers budding and baby bunnies bouncing. Crisp mornings give way to warm afternoons and late sunsets. This Sunday, sunsets get pushed-out even further, courtesy of daylight saving time. That antiquated power conserving measure which grants you an extra hour of sleep… wait, that’s the fall version. Still, days feel longer. In the spirit of piling-on, Holy donuts are here to help make your morning more magical. So listen to Clara Rockmore play the theramin and let your mind wander while you take that first bite into your chosen donut. Then, boosted by the mystic power of sugar go forth and be productive.

Happy Friday!