A Hairy Situation

Dear Members and Constituents,

Have you ever shaved your tongue? You see how it could happen, right? You're in the shower, shaving. You have a razor in your hand. For whatever reason, you decide to gargle with water from the shower head. You spit-it-out and suddenly, you're in toothbrush mode. By the time you realize you’re not cleaning your tongue, you’ve shaved a piece off. Know what I'm talking about? Has this ever happened to you? Yeah, me neipher.

As we begin a new cycle, can you imagine what would happen if I forgot to send calendar reminders for the next rotation? You can see how it could happen, right? Schedules get hectic, tongues get shaved, and before you know it, you have a donut-less angry mob at my door. Yeah, well it didn't. Steve Hibbard kicks-off the new rotation on the right foot with four dozen delicious LaMar's donuts. We have most sizes and textures (including lots of specialty) for those extra sensitive tongues that may (or may not) be out there.

Happy Friday!

The End of the Road

Dear Members and Constituents,

All good things must come to an end. Ships sink (think the Costa Concordia off the coast of Italy), Super Bowl hopes can go up in smoke with one humiliating defeat (just ask the Denver Broncos) and, if you trust the Maya, the world will end this year (either that or they ran out of room on their calendar). Free speech on the Internet will end if SOPA and PIPA proponents have their way (and you buy into all the detractors’ hype). U.S. Military presence in Iraq, Jon Huntsman's presidential aspirations, and even the longest meetings eventually come to an end. And so to it is with the Friday Donut Club (dramatic pause). After 14 months, our current rotation finally comes to an end today.  On this the final day of the 12^th rotation, Tammy Fernandez makes her debut. Four dozen delicious donuts which will inevitably vanish. Next week, I'll be sending-out your assignments for the 13^th rotation but for now come enjoy a donut before they're all gone.

Happy Friday!

P.S. Don't forget to check out my latest ramblings on the Level 3 blog Beyond Bandwidth

Today's Donuts are Lucky... Really!

Dear Members and Constituents,

Happy Friday the 13^th. On this lucky morning my head was immersed in the clouds as I started my drive to work. I was wondering what I might write when, wouldn’t you know it, up in front of me pulls-up a pick-up truck with license plate number 077-WJP. Kind of eerie if you’re superstitious. On this unlucky day, a car with your initials and two lucky numbers in a row must be some sort of omen. Of course, I don’t believe in superstition, however I do believe in an objective Reality (upper case “R”, if you will) which exists outside of my individual perception (e.g. if I jump off a cliff, gravity will make sure I fall and die, no matter how hard I try to fly). I also believe each of us lives in our own individual version of that reality (lower case “r”), a sub-set of the world we choose to focus upon based on our preferences and limitations (e.g. I might find the view from the edge of the cliff amazing, you might focus on your own exhaustion from the climb and yet another may find standing close to the edge horrifying). Ideally each of our realities should be consistent with Reality (parts of the bigger picture). From experience we know that is not always the case –still, so long as reality is not in abhorrent contrast to Reality, things tend to work themselves out without much of a fuss.

In my reality, for instance, all my jokes are funny, my friends think of me often when I’m not around and each of you enjoys receiving and reading all my Friday e-mails. In Reality these facts may not perfectly prove-out. On occasion, my frame of reference for a joke may not be something to which you can relate or you may go days without thinking of me. You might even go as far as to not read all my donut e-mails… This morning, I propose a test –a reality check, if you will— to probe at my level of delusion. Having gone all of 2011 without a new Friday Donut Club rotation, next week marks the end of the current rotation (started November of 2010!). I would like to minimize the re-shuffling of the calendar when I set it next Friday. Your assignment, if you’ve gotten this far and you happen to be on the “To” line of this e-mail, send me a note containing any dates between now and the end of January, 2013 during which you wouldn’t be able to fulfill your duties as donut boy/girl due to planned vacations and such (and of course, let me know now if you no longer wish to partake in the donut consumption). If everyone is reading this (as my reality dictates), I won’t need to re-arrange the schedule shortly after setting it. Regardless of how this test goes, I expect to see many of you at my desk this morning to witness first-hand the bounty delivered by Laurene Heinsohn (donut girl). Any Friday that stats with a donut is bound to be lucky. Really.

Happy Friday!

Donut Resolutions

Dear Members and Constituents,
Happy New Year! A cheerful time for fresh starts and trying new things. The glass isn’t half-full, it’s full to the brim. This blissful optimism can lead to some rather unrealistic resolutions. Not that there is anything wrong with setting a high standard. Stretch goals are good, so long as they are also achievable, however…

• If your idea of exercise is a leisurely stroll around the block, don’t resolve to complete an Iron Man –might I suggest you start with a 5K run and work your way up from there. 
• If your daily reading is limited to e-mail, you might not want to expand to world literature by dusting-off Tolstoy’s War and Peace. 
• If you’re running for elected office, don’t resolve to win by a landslide –eight votes may be all it takes

My guess is that if we all took this approach we might actually keep our resolutions this year (what a concept!).
Personally, this year I’m resolving to:

• Listen more closely. Hopefully, by doing this I will interrupt others less and be able to provide better insights when I do speak. 
• Make more mistakes. This should be the result of trying more things outside my comfort zone (not deliberately setting-out to make mistakes). 
• Work on making my smile lines deeper. This resolution is more about the process than the result itself

Something else is new this morning. Warren Baxley (donut boy) has the distinction of becoming the Friday Donut Club’s first former Global Crossing member. His debut, as might be expected, is made-up of four dozen delicious LaMar’s donuts. Before your morning routine ties you-up, you should resolve to come on over, grab the year’s first donut and get that positive momentum going.
Happy Friday!

The Year's Final Donuts

Dear Members and Constituents,

Tumbleweeds roll down office hallways and cobwebs grow rampant on deserted keyboards. Creaking doors and phantom steps accompany us as we reminisce on how quickly yet another year has left us behind. 2011 lays on its death bead, clinging to it’s final seconds of life (just 144K of them left as of 8:00 AM). With many folks enjoying R&R (myself included), the office can become a rather surreal place. On days like this, routines, old habits and traditions can us help restore a sense of normalcy. A stroll to the break room for a coffee, a confident glance at the checklist with all the accomplishments awaiting you today, a quick fifteen minute read of your industry blog of choice. And so it is with donuts. This morning, I have it on good authority that on his debut as donut boy, Mon Miah has delivered an awe-inspiring selection of LaMar’s donuts. Since I’m not there to enjoy them personally, I will have to savor them vicariously through you. They await you at my desk, so, if you’re in the office today, come early and come often (It is my wish not to find any old crusty ones awaiting me on Tuesday).

Happy Friday and Happy New Year!

I'm Dreaming of a White Donut

Dear Members and Constituents,

On this white Christmas Eve’s eve, as work slows-down and thoughts turn to fruit cake and sleigh bells roasting on the open fire, I wish you cheer and peace. May the generosity epitomized by the Indianapolis Colts –who having given away 13 straight games are now working hard to give away their well-deserved first pick in the NFL draft by staging a two game win streak– warm all our hearts and may this type of generosity not spread to the Denver Broncos (who should selfishly cling to their playoff spot). May this new year, which already boasts 20% fewer of the top 20 tyrannical dictators than 2011, overflow with pleasant surprises and the realization of longstanding goals. May we all smile more, be grateful for our families and be surrounded by true friends. May our wealth be counted in positive thoughts others have of us and may poverty, war, famine, disease and untimely death experience a 27.1% reduction in the year to come –granted, outright eradication would be better, but I’m trying to remain somewhat realistic. May the 30K Somali refugees in Kenya’s Daadab camp enjoy the freshly pitched tents set-up to accommodate them and may the snakes that infest the area migrate elsewhere. May the stress of Christmas decoration, shopping and hosting social gatherings vanish as we realize how lucky we are and focus our energy on helping the less fortunate.

Finally, may the three dozen donuts Tom Langer (donut boy) brings today contain that perfect mix and may your favorite donut await you at my desk. May your calendar allow for you to get here quickly so your donuts are at their freshest.

Happy Friday and Merry Christmas!

P.S. I won’t be in next week but donuts will nonetheless adorn my desk on the last work day of the year (courtesy of Mon Miah who will make his debut as donut boy for those of you working that day)

Mixed Metaphors

Dear Members and Constituents,

Last night, after hearing from a friend he might need to re-schedule our lunch today, I indicated that would be fine, of course, and that we should “play it by ear”. His response?  “Play it by ear? Just remember that it takes two to tango, and that when the music stops we don’t want to end this lunch on a bad note J”. This provided a brilliant insight into the metaphors we use every day. It got me thinking we ought to be deliberate in keeping our analogies in the same realm for any given conversation. I’ve sometimes chuckled to myself when someone mentions we’re on a “fourth down and long situation” and we therefore need to “knock this one out of the park” (to which I’m tempted to respond, “don’t you mean this is the bottom of the ninth so we need to push it over the goal line?”). Bottom line (accounting), once you pull an analogy out of the bag (magic), be prepared to stay in the same domain (feudal politics?). If you speak of someone as being a diamond in the rough, stick with jewelry and mention the fact she wants to build a gold-pated network. If you observe two people are cut from the same cloth, you might tailor your message to observe they both believe a stitch in time can save nine. And so on. So, put on your game face and advance down the field to score yourself a donut.

Happy Friday!