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Showing posts from June, 2012

Donut Olympics

[Written by Ed Stocker in JP's Absence]
Dear Members and Constituents,

Has anyone else been watching the US Olympic Swimming trials on TV recently? Seems every time I turn on the TV we’re picking another Olympian. Gymnastics and track are coming up next. Pretty soon the entire US team will be ready to go.

If we were to, and I’m not saying we will, but if we were to have a Donut Olympics what would be the competitions? I’m not talking a donut eating contest, that would be a possibility for the International Olympic Committee to add or perhaps through a host country making competitive eating an exhibition sport. Some Donut Olympics event possibilities;
Best GlazingDonut SynchronizationMost Dunkable DonutMost Jelly, Jelly FilledHeavyweight Sara Baack is taking her turn today as Donut Girl and has delivered Four dozen of Lamar’s finest for our enjoyment. While picking one up take a moment to consider - what events should be included in the Donut Olympics? Not sure how to coordinate thi…

Donut Asylum

JP may be out of the country, but the following note arrived this morning via courier service.
===

Dear Members and Constituents,

I find it strange that Wikileaks Alum Julian Assange
would pick Ecuador to open its doors (for Political asylum).
This country suppresses the freedom of press,
rather ironic a man who's iconic
for spilling the beans on so many regimes
now wants to get shelter from a massive offender.

What's not a surprise, you should realize
is the presence of donuts, Melissa Matthews is on it, (having just delivered four dozen Lamar’s beauties).
Come on down and get yours, lest exhaustion occurs.

Happy Friday!
JP González

Holy Wallenda!

[Written by Ed Stocker in JP's Absence]

Dear Members and Constituents,
Some of you may not have heard, but the biggest thing happening this weekend is later today. Nik Wallenda of the infamous flying Wallenda’s will dare gravity, mock the wind and risk his life in a death defying attempt to walk a tightrope over Niagara falls. Sounds exciting right?

Well Nik doesn’t sound any too happy about it. ABC is the event sponsor and they have decided that Nik must wear a tether for his walk today. It may just be me, but I think that takes a little bit away for the event. Would Evil Knievel have been as popular as he was if he had raced his motorcycle up a ramp to jump 24 Serta Perfect Sleeper Memory Foam Adjustable Bed Mattresses while hooked to a giant bungee cord? I don’t think so.

Well, today you don’t have to play it safe, you can fly like a true Wallenda. Matt Hawthorne has delivered 4 dozen Krispy Kreme’s for our breathtaking enjoyment. So come by JPs office and pick one up.
Happy …

Donuts Remembered

[Posted by Ed Stocker in JP's absence]

Dear Members and Constituents,
In the immortal words of Frosty the Snowman “Happy Birthday!” For those few of you tenured enough to remember (and I am not one of them), today marks the 8th, yes 8th anniversary of the Donut Club.

This auspicious occasion finds JP out of the office visiting family and friends in Ecuador. I know one of his goals is to have the Donut Club become an everlasting part of Level 3. The symbolism of the 8th anniversary is fitting as the symbol for infinity, ∞, appears as an 8 on its side.

This is also traditionally known as the bronze anniversary. While trying to take a bite out of a chuck of metal sounds neither fun nor appetizing, to me the Donuts appear to have taken on a bit of a bronze luster.

To mark the day I present to you some lines of verse written by JP on his Ecuadorian travels -

If I had been told,
in June of 'oh-four
eight years from that date
it still was my fate
to be at the core
of donut rotations…

Happy National Doughnut Day!

Dear Members and Constituents,
Happy national doughnut day! As you consider ways to celebrate, let me throw an idea into the mix. What better way to celebrate this perfect first Friday of June by plunging into the second half of the year with a big smile covering the bottom third of your face. Start by ridding your mind of any care and imagining fluffy baby bunnies frolicking in the green grass (that is unless, of course, you suffer from leporiphobia in which case, envision yourself tossing the holy hand grenade of Antioch at the killer rabbit). Remember the crisp morning breeze tossing your hair around as it caressed your face when you walked into the office this morning . Now flex your cheek muscles until your eyes squint a little and your teeth show… there you have it, a smile on your face. If that did not do the trick, bring to mind five dozen donuts materializing before your eyes. The sweet smell wafting through the air. Fortunately, you don’t need to rely on your imagination for …