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Showing posts from 2011

The Year's Final Donuts

Dear Members and Constituents, Tumbleweeds roll down office hallways and cobwebs grow rampant on deserted keyboards. Creaking doors and phantom steps accompany us as we reminisce on how quickly yet another year has left us behind. 2011 lays on its death bead, clinging to it’s final seconds of life (just 144K of them left as of 8:00 AM). With many folks enjoying R&R (myself included), the office can become a rather surreal place. On days like this, routines, old habits and traditions can us help restore a sense of normalcy. A stroll to the break room for a coffee, a confident glance at the checklist with all the accomplishments awaiting you today, a quick fifteen minute read of your industry blog of choice. And so it is with donuts. This morning, I have it on good authority that on his debut as donut boy, Mon Miah has delivered an awe-inspiring selection of LaMar’s donuts. Since I’m not there to enjoy them personally, I will have to savor them vicariously through you. They await

I'm Dreaming of a White Donut

Dear Members and Constituents, On this white Christmas Eve’s eve, as work slows-down and thoughts turn to fruit cake and sleigh bells roasting on the open fire, I wish you cheer and peace. May the generosity epitomized by the Indianapolis Colts –who having given away 13 straight games are now working hard to give away their well-deserved first pick in the NFL draft by staging a two game win streak– warm all our hearts and may this type of generosity not spread to the Denver Broncos (who should selfishly cling to their playoff spot). May this new year, which already boasts 20% fewer of the top 20 tyrannical dictators than 2011, overflow with pleasant surprises and the realization of longstanding goals. May we all smile more, be grateful for our families and be surrounded by true friends. May our wealth be counted in positive thoughts others have of us and may poverty, war, famine, disease and untimely death experience a 27.1% reduction in the year to come –granted, outright eradica

Mixed Metaphors

Dear Members and Constituents, Last night, after hearing from a friend he might need to re-schedule our lunch today, I indicated that would be fine, of course, and that we should “play it by ear”. His response?  “Play it by ear? Just remember that it takes two to tango, and that when the music stops we don’t want to end this lunch on a bad note J ”. This provided a brilliant insight into the metaphors we use every day. It got me thinking we ought to be deliberate in keeping our analogies in the same realm for any given conversation. I’ve sometimes chuckled to myself when someone mentions we’re on a “fourth down and long situation” and we therefore need to “knock this one out of the park” (to which I’m tempted to respond, “don’t you mean this is the bottom of the ninth so we need to push it over the goal line?”). Bottom line (accounting), once you pull an analogy out of the bag (magic), be prepared to stay in the same domain (feudal politics?). If you speak of someone as being a dia

New Jargon

Dear Members and Constituents, I think it's time for some new business expressions. Let's come-up with some new clichés to replace the old clichés –just to mix-it-up a bit. Here are just a few to get us started: When someone goes off-topic, how about instead of saying “we're going down a rat hole”, you use "we're engaging in rodent dwelling exploration" When an idea does not have any merit, rather than saying it's a nonstarter, call it a Kyle Orton –for those of you who don't follow football, Kyle is no longer the starting quarterback for the Denver Broncos When exploring a new idea, rather than saying "my hypotheses is" how about we use " this may be more akin to a novel than a biography, however…” When someone's reasoning is flawed, rather than calling it a circular reference, tell them their logic has the topology of a donut –which works on two levels, addressing circularity as well as gaps Which brings us, of cou

In Unrelated News, Donuts Have Arrived

Dear Members and Constituents, Sometimes, two rather disparate ideas can become entangled by the words we use to express them. Not sure what I mean? Let me illustrate. This week, American Airlines declared bankruptcy,  meanwhile a credit rating agency kept American debt at the highest ranking A documentary about the first American to hike an 8,000 meter mountain in the winter calls-out there are only fourteen of those. Nearly twice the height of all the fourteeners we are so fond of speaking of in Colorado (even though we don’t like to hike them in the winter)  President Obama has already visited more Swing states than any prior president. In unrelated news, he has also started talking about the possibility of an AIDS -free generation an affliction, one would presume, affects Swingers disproportionately. (Now if only we could get a quote from one of the President’s aids on the campaign trail, we’d have a double word entanglement)  U.S. relations with Paki stan are strained after

Grab your Walton donuts before they go the way of... the Waltons

Dear Members and Constituents, A couple of pre-sets on my car radio lead to hip-hop and alternative stations (a byproduct of having two licensed teens). Driving to work this morning, my attempt to find suitable “jam” music led to Pitbull saying he should be “locked-up like Lindsay Lohan”. Needless to say, the analogy put a smirk on my face and got me wondering what others might be out there ripe for the picking. The ones I came-up with are fairly obvious and not all that great: You need to get to work and stop whining like a ninety nine percenter   I’m feeling as stressed as the Euro   He’s such a flirt he fancies himself a Herman Cain That medicine the doctor prescribed was as ineffective as congress I’m sure you can probably come-up with -or have heard- better ones (and I’m willing to bet we would all enjoy reading them, if you care to share). Speaking of sharing something different, Julius Pasion risked life and limb this morning to get four dozen Walton donuts (located

Nigel Tufnel Day-light Donuts Are Here

Dear Members and Constituents, Eleven is a funny number, inasmuch as numbers can be considered funny. Not quite a dozen, and not a round number; wedged somewhere in that awkward middle, symmetrical yet funny sounding. Then again, maybe it was Nigel Tufnel of Spinal Tap fame's amplifier -you know, the one that goes to 11- that inserted the "funny sounding" association in my head. Whatever the case may be, if you're a fan of the number, today's a good day to be alive. In a little under three hours the clock and the date will be all ones. If you count the seconds that's a dozen ones. Speaking of dozens, Carlos Belloso, donut boy, delights us with four of them  (in Daylight Donut boxes). So, if you need “that extra push over the cliff” come grab one -or as many ones as you like. Happy Friday!  

The Donutzone is Open

Dear Members and Constituents, The land of the gyro is stressing the Euro and folks eating calzone concern the Eurozone. The banks are upset they trusted sovereign debt and market low confidence follows a Greek vote of no confidence. I think Drachma and Lyra would not make the path clearer. As my 401-K crawls it’s way to OK, my thoughts turn to donuts, they’re here, hip-horray!  So come grab a treat and if you’re still hungry, repeat. Happy Friday! P.S. I neglected to give credit (and this warrants an edit). Curtis Crawford’s debut did deliver a loot

A Special Interest in Donuts

Dear Members and Constituents, JP isn’t with us this morning, his schedule has him traveling across the country meeting with customers and presumably trying exotic new varieties of Donuts .  He has left behind a few words for your consumption this morning along with your weekly donut fix. According to a recent  study  by researchers at the University of British Columbia, it costs an average of $145 in campaign spending to sway the average undecided U.S. voter. This same study finds special interest groups get $71 in government subsidies for every dollar in political contributions they make. If you believe these statistics then the average swing voter costs taxpayers $10,295. Talk about high acquisition costs! This also means that if half of our next president’s billion or so dollar campaign spending comes from Special Interests, they should expect to get $35 Billion in taxpayer subsidies –and that’s the presidential race alone. Add congressional races (likely to spend another bi

The Donut Range is now Open

Dear Members and Constituents, Have you booked your safari to Central Ohio yet?  Word on the street is that if you drive I-70 E far enough, there's a large selection of exotic fauna . Grab your assault rifle, put on your orange vest (or police uniform as the case may be) and bag yourself a trophy!  But you have to hurry, supplies are limited.  Hopefully any PETA members amongst you know me well enough to understand this is all tongue-in-cheek -with a tiger blood and Adonis DNA cocktail chaser. Speaking of limited supply, there are only four dozen donuts and they're being bagged fast. Today’s supply comes courtesy of Mike Robles, first time donut boy and NRA-certified gun safety trainer. So come get yours (they’ve got holes in them already so you don’t even need to bring your gun). Happy Friday!

Stop and Smell the Donuts

Dear Members and Constituents, As I was driving-in this morning, having missed a week of donuts, I was anticipating the sweet taste while contemplating how to follow-up on Ed Stocker’s semi-prophetic Tim Tebow e-mail . How might I build on it? How could I top it? I was so focused on trying to find a way to grow on this theme that I almost neglected to enjoy the beautiful colors now manifest on the trees, the way the sun cast strong shadows on the snow capped mountains or the crisp fall air attempting to sharpen my senses. Suddenly, it dawned on my that I have a propensity to take things for granted (unless, of course something happens to upset the status quo). And it’s not just me (I think it’s save to generalize in this case). We’re always trying to improve our lives, grow our wealth and increase our joy. The lucky billion or so living in countries with an average gross income per capita of $12,196 or more are pursuing technological luxuries while the least fortunate billion or so

Donuts Are Here

[posted by Ed Stocker while JP is out] Dear Members and Constituents, If you follow the Denver Broncos (or even if you don’t) you’ve probably heard of Tim Tebow.  He is currently a polarizing figure in the world of professional sports.  Even outside of Denver Tebow remains a hot topic and is frequently discussed on sports radio and ESPN.  Today I wanted us to delve a little deeper into the Tebow debate.  I want to ask, and attempt to answer, the question on everyone’s mind.  If Tim Tebow were a donut, what variety would he be? Glazed – more of an everyday player, always reliable and plentiful, I’m thinking offensive line. Crueler – it’s light and airy, very fast to eat, good tasting but not necessarily filing, maybe a Corner Back. Cake - is nice if that’s your thing, but too heavy for some, more of a Defensive Lineman. Jelly Filled – sweetness but not always what you expect, you may want Strawberry but get a Lemon – has to be a Running Back. Bagel – not a donut, but this

Happy New Year to Me!

Dear Members and Constituents, Happy… New Year!?! Yes, today marks the beginning of a new Jewish year . Technically, yesterday and today meld into a giant 48-hour-long mega-day (which is kind of a bummer because, if today is still the 29 th , we will have effectively skipped my birthday this year). While this may seem a bit odd, let me tell you what’s really weird: this holiday happens half-way into the calendar year (and here I thought the Gregorian calendar was arbitrary ). I suppose you can think of it as the beginning of the Jewish fiscal year (you know, for accounting purposes –a pun, as you will soon see). On this extra large day, 5,772 years ago, God put the finishing touches on creation and is reported to have sat down for a cigar, cold brew and kosher hot dog –Scotch had not yet been invented, you see. He looked at everything He’d just made and thought to himself “sweet!” As you may know, humanity soon rebelled, creating the need for a “book of life” (BoL) –think of it as San

First Donut and Forty Eight to Go

Dear Members and Constituents, Hard as it may be to believe, this year marks the first time I’ve actually enrolled in a fantasy football league. Yes. I’ve participated in office pools and brackets –and have occasionally bet the line, but that has been the extent of my involvement in sports gambling. You make a choice, put it down on paper and move-on. Fantasy football is a lot more involved. Sitting at 1 – 1, I’m still not sure whether this will be a long term thing for me. I’m fumbling around the graphical user interface, can’t seem to score the right players and have yet to engage in a satisfactory level of unsportsmanlike conduct (all puns, although bad, were intended). I have found that my interest level for games in which I would normally not have any emotional investment has increased, even though it creates some perverse incentives (hoping your kicker’s team is held to field goals or your quarterback’s team falls behind so they will be forced to pass more). I’d say moving

Donuts in the Mist

Dear Members and Constituents, On foggy mornings such as this, it's easy to let the mind wander and fancy myself a rider galloping through a mysterious realm on a spirited steed. I picture myself in a timeless mountain valley where ghosts and magic are ready for an encounter, just beyond that 30 yard horizon. As I advance on this quest, I feel the crisp air against my skin, sharpening the senses. The world is smaller in this pocket of space which time forgot and my imagination is free to fill the blank. Alas, this magic moment lasts but a short while. As I drive up the hill that leads to the office, I notice that like a sharp battle axe, cutting through soft flesh the sun is breaking through the clouds; claiming victory in this mythical battle. The vision fades away like a distant dream. But wait! It appears not to be a dream after all. Evidence can be found at my desk. Sir Jim Johnson (donut boy) has delivered a bounty of delicious donuts. This treasure awaits in gold-plated

Refuse to Make More Refuse

Dear Members and Constituents, It would seem garbage is everywhere. Whether you call it waste, refuse or rubbish; we are adept at producing it. The U.S. alone produces over 250 million tons of trash annually. You find it in music (the band Garbage and some genres older generations wish their children would not hear); politics (time to hunker down for a new dose of trash talk as the presidential campaigns heat-up) and even people (white trash, junk in the trunk…). Cyberspace is littered on a daily basis with an estimated 183 billion junk mail messages. Outer space is not safe, with  an estimated 600 thousand pieces of “space junk” orbiting the earth (19,000 or so of these large enough for the U.S. Strategic Command to track). Trash can even be seen on the Moon, thanks to newly released NASA orbital pictures of the Apollo 12, 14 and 17 landing sites. Further out in the solar system, the donut-shaped rings around Saturn might be thought-of as spatial debris (technically no

A Labor of Love

Dear members and constituents, A three day weekend is almost upon us. I think they should call this holiday non-labor day. After all, not a lot of people labor on Labor Day. In-fact, not a lot of people are expected to labor today either. From a very practical perspective, what this means to you is there are probably going to be more than enough donuts to go around. Hopefully you'll do your part and not let the donuts Ben Peterson (donut boy) brought-in go to waste. Instead, you might let them go to your waist (or, feel free to recruit... I mean bring a guest –there is, after all, an extra dozen). Five dozen delicious LaMar's donuts await. Happy Friday!

Donut Doodle Dandy

Dear Members and Constituents, In trying to figure-out Wednesday’s cool-looking Google Doodle ( Jorge Luis Borges’ 112 th birthday ), I stumbled across a list of Google Doodles you’ll never see. This, and a Rockies game later that day, were sufficient inspiration to get my head spinning around what other doodles Google might never noodle? I’m sure you’ll probably have a few ideas of your own, but I was able to come-up with a couple. How about a former Colorado Rockies player whose unfortunate encounter with a moth put him in the news this week? The Matt Holliday doodle might look something like this… Another item which, surprisingly enough, has not been made into a doodle are donuts. Although I was slightly taken aback to find this delicious pastry has not been featured, after the initial disappointment, I decided to take matters into my own hands and take a stab at one (perhaps Google can use it next year for national donut day )… or to celebrate Greek police having “ blown a ho

Top Ten Funny Names in the News

Dear Members and Constituents, Last week, as I sat in a hospital room reading the paper I had a realization: proper names can sometimes take-on unintended meanings in the feeble minds of the easily-amused (such as myself). Not quite sure what I’m talking about? I will illustrate my point with a sampling of actual names that grabbed my attention this past week. Top ten funny names taken from recent media stories (or, as I like to say, what were their parents thinking?) Taco Stein . As I mused on the Aruban solicitor general and his dry cleaning tab (do taco stains come off?), I wondered how many people throughout history have shared his first name. Could it be that a popular fast food chain (which will go unnamed) was founded by a phone company heir -A.G. Bell’s illegitimate son, Taco? Julia Gillard . Is there a famous music school named after the Australian prime minister ’s abbreviated name? (hint: it’s Jiulliard) Anna Hazare . Not that funny a name, you say. Maybe not, until

I Started a Club...

Dear Members and Constituents, It may surprise you to know that if I were sentenced to a donut-free lifestyle, I’d likely take it in stride. You may think it ironic that the founder and cheerleader-in-chief of our Friday Donut Club did not grow-up consuming these delicacies (weird!) and, if push came to shove, would be perfectly content to do without (gasp!). When we were getting started many years ago, I was lukewarm as to the choice of pastry (heresy?). Granted, my persona is that of a donut aficionado and, yes, the FDC is all about the donuts… but the e-mails that accompany it are not (even though the word “donut” is imprinted in all of them). In-fact, I enjoy writing these e-mails and having conversations with you far more than the donuts themselves (don’t get me wrong, I DO like the donuts). Over the years, my donut e-mails have gone from being a call to action (come get your donuts) to a humble attempt at brightening your Fridays with a curious fact, random association or pro

The Secret Kindergarten Handshake

Dear Members and Constituents, I have a confession to make: I did not attend kindergarten. Although I had not made much of it, lately I’ve been wondering whether it’s a foundational gap in my education that’s holding me back. Could it be true that everything you need to know you learn in kindergarten? Could not possessing this secret knowledge be keeping a holder of two masters degrees such as myself back? Could I be missing some fundamental human behavioral trait due of this omission? And, if so, is it too late for me to attend? My gut says it might be a bit too weird. How would my dozen or so five-year-old class mates react? How about the teacher? Would the school even let me enroll? On second thought, I think I'm not going to pursue that path. Perhaps I’ll settle for a kindergarten mentor who can help me reach my goal of becoming a budding boss. Then again, I am engaged with some pretty cool projects I really like. How many people can say that about their day jobs? Also on t

Ode to Friday Donuts

Dear Members and Constituents, Friday morning has arrived What a day, hip, hooray! Feels so good to be alive, feel the breeze, if you please. Looking up into the sky It’s all blue How about you? Cannot frown although I try Life is good, it’s understood. Driving in I found no theme, what to say this fine day? All I could do was to dream, just relax to the max. Till I got here then it hit me I must write it’s the rite. Call to action, come and see they arrived donut time. Our boy Brad Christian has done great a deluge some are huge. Grab a couple it’s your fate Please enjoy boy, o boy! Happy Friday!

Savor the Donuts

Dear Members and Constituents, As I skim world events, it seems apparent to me we live in a privileged nation. I will concede my views are probably distorted by the press and their attempt to narrow all that happens in any given country to a single theme. I picture myself comfortably reclining on a psychologist’s soft leather couch, playing the classic word association game (say the first word that comes to mind) with country names… Bahrain (protests), Somalia (famine), Syria (protests), Greece (bailout), Libya (protests), Mexico (drug violence), Yemen (protests), North Korea (lunacy), Malawi (protests), Japan (nuclear rector), Tunisia (protests –successful), Iran (lunacy), Egypt (protests –successful), Ireland (bailout)… Granted, we have our share of problems (a debt ceiling encroaching, a fiscal deficit looming and a heat wave oppressing the north east) but in the grand scheme of things Americans appear to lead charmed lives. Donut Club members in particular have the added benefit of

Good Donuts

Dear Members and Constituents, Why is it doing the right thing is sometimes harder than it ought to be? On the surface, it seems like it should be very straightforward: do good, avoid evil. Yet even the best of us will sometimes tell a white lie, indulge in a sideways glance or falter on our diets. It’s not like we set-out to do the wrong thing, either. I don’t think any of us wakes up in the morning saying “I’m going to do something bad today”. So why do we do it? The way I see it, we are being pulled in many directions and given the choice of multiple “goods” which are often in conflict with each other. When we choose a lesser good, we inadvertently move in the wrong direction of the higher “good vs. evil” axis. You tell a white lie because you don’t want to disappoint someone. Sparing their feelings is a good thing, yet in the process you fail to tell the truth. Cheating on an exam gets you a good grade but prevents you from learning that valuable lesson that will serve you later in

Carry-on Donuts

Dear members and constituents, As I prepare for my final day in the office before my twelve day trip to Ecuador, I am reminded donuts are hard to come-about in my home country. It’s bad enough that I have to miss the fire works, but to also deprive my taste buds of the sweet deep-fried taste of donuts seems too hard to bear. Might I take a dozen with me –one for every day of my trip? Sure they'll still be fresh when I get there tomorrow morning, but how long can they hold? Would I need to put any jelly or cream-filled donuts in a Ziploc bag –to comply with the 3-1-1 rule? Might I get in trouble from luggage-sniffing dogs –after all, they are POLICE dogs? Fortunately, my flight doesn't leave till midnight, so the decision can wait and there are plenty of Winchell’s donuts at my desk (courtesy of Eric Jochens, donut boy), so I don’t have to think on an empty stomach. On this fourth of July eve, come enjoy one of the fringe benefits of being in America. Happy Friday! P.S. A couple

Donuts are Forever and Always

===[Note sent by Nelson Bostrom in JP's absence]=== Dear Members and Constituents: Now that it’s officially summer, vacation time is here for many. No matter where you travel this summer, whether it’s Alaska or France or anywhere in between, it’s Friday in Broomfield –come enjoy a delicious La Mar’s Donut. If you are away, chances are there’s a way for you to get your fix of something similar anyway. Here are a few examples of what you can find: Alaska (The Famous Alaskan Donut): France (Beignets): Israel (Sufganiyah): Spain (Rosquillas): The Netherlands (Oliebollen): Rochester, NY (self-explanatory): While JP may not be out of his office today, the donuts are in. In the spirit of Friday donuts, I’d like to think that JP got his fix this morning at Donuts Delight. (Some people have too much time on their hands: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doughnut ) Best Regards, Donut Boy ===[Feedback Received=== ===[JP Gonzalez]=== Thank you Nelson for this excellent note. Who knew there w

Glazed are from Saturn; Specialty are from Jupiter

Dear Members and Constituents, Why is it Father's Day gets so much less attention than Mother's Day? As a father I must admit I don't personally care much for the day and I'm okay with moms getting all the hype. Sure it would be nice to get a watch or something but I'm not counting the days until Father's Day. On the other hand, I get the impression mothers appreciate their day more (as do retailers). I think we need to get over the politically correct view that men's and women's needs are the same. Sometimes they are. Often they're not. Obviously, as with any generalization, any specific example I cite as to why they’re different (beyond genetics) will likely not be well received by someone (blame it on individual differences). This principle also applies to donuts. There's glazed and there's specialty and we are okay with buying more glazed. Granted, today would've been a good day to make an exception by celebrating Boston's NHL vi

Revolution Seven

Dear members and constituents There's something about the number seven which gives it a certain aura, prestige… some might go as far as to attribute it a lucky status. Since antiquity it has conveyed a special significance. The seven days of creation, seven wonders of the world, seven hills of Rome and Constantinople and the seven circles of hell in Dante’s inferno. Today, this number is prominent in our everyday lives. We find it at the movies –the seven samurai (aka the Magnificent Seven), double-o-seven (James Bond) and seven of nine (Star Trek Voyager). It’s found in commerce (7-UP, Seagram’s 7, seven jeans, 7-11), religion (seven sins, virtues, chakras) and all around us. There are seven days in a week, notes on the musical scale, colors in the rainbow. There are Seven seas, heads in a hydra and holes in a lucky horseshoe. If you think about it, this fact is particularly curious, given we don't have seven of anything in our body (think, fingers, limbs, eyes…). Perhaps it

Happy National Donut Day

Dear members and constituents, Happy national donut day! I must admit I was caught flat-footed for this event. I arrived at the office this morning and as I stared at my computer’s diagnostics blue screen, a couple of folks called this event to my attention. So why is it we celebrate national donut day and how did I miss it? As for the former, I think it’s self-evident. For the latter, I guess I was too busy to pay attention. It felt like my elevated level of activity might be, in part, for activity's sake alone. I suppose that is a human trait. We badmouth work and yet we do work that seems to have no other purpose than keeping us busy. We water the lawn so the grass can grow so we can mow the lawn. Lather, rinse, repeat. Hundreds of e-mails get read, so hundreds of e-mails can backfill those positions. Reports get produced, memos get written, voice mails recorded. Our frenzied lifestyles make it easy to lose sight that we're actually making progress and doing things for a goo

Extremely Good Donuts

Dear Members and Constituents, They say any extreme is bad (too much or too little of just about anything can be harmful). If you doubt this conventional wisdom, just ask Osama Bin Laden (wait, you can’t!). Nonetheless, extreme positions and actions have a certain appeal. They are simple, straightforward and don’t require much thought. In-fact, some extremes can be pretty cool. If you doubt this, just ask any extreme sports enthusiast. I witnessed an example of a cool extreme on Saturday. I’m talking about the stage for the U2 360° tour . It has a unique articulated circular video display made of 888 hexagonal LED screens which tends to make the unprepared concert attendee (i.e. me) do a double-take (wait, did it just do that?). The huge spider-like structure (aka the Claw), the light shows, the sound quality, the ambiance were all awe-inspiring, but are they worth the estimated $25 - $30 Million dollars the stage alone is said to have cost? I’ll let you be the judge of that. Then ag

Rumor has it donuts have arrived

Dear Members and Constituents, I heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend who heard it from another there's a new study out. According to rumors this study about gossip proves we are hardwired to eat-up negative things said about others. In a perverse way, this makes sense. Knowledge is power and having dirt on people gives us leverage over them. Just the latest negative trait being portrayed in a positive light by scientists. I’d like to think we're better than that. Blackmail, backhanded deeds and backstabbing should not be seen as a path to success. Granted, there are many examples of prominent people who have used these traits to their advantage (just read the news). But, do you really want to live in a dog-eat-dog world? At the end of the day, I want to be able to live with myself more than I want the comforts and power of this world. I believe teamwork, truth and trust are a higher path… and let us not forget donuts. They embody what is good and pure about manki

Donuts Do not Disappoint

Dear Members and Constituents, Yesterday, at the San Francisco airport, I had some time before my flight so I decided to dine at the steakhouse. It felt like a good match. Here's a place where a captive audience has time between flights and nervous appetites to feed. I was anxiously anticipating that first juicy bite of rare steak. As the waitress arrived, I realized there was something amiss. It was not so much the fact that the meat was cooked to a medium term that dismayed me, but the fact that I had to use a plastic knife to discover it. Sure, I understand it would be a defeatist thing to disarm all would-be terrorists at the security check point, only to turn-around and arm them with a steak knife at the food court. Still, I was a bit disappointed. Fortunately with the donut club you know what to expect and you get it, courtesy of Yuko Aoyagi (donut girl). So come get yours (no need to arrive an hour early, go through security, or use plastic knives). Happy Friday!

Seis de Mayo Donuts

Dear Members and Constituents, A few years ago, in business school, I heard the story of the Chevy Nova and it’s disastrous commercial failure in Latin America. You see, “no va” in Spanish means “it does not go” (presumably anywhere). While I was not familiar with that case in particular (perhaps a testament to how bad a flop the launch really was), I had encountered several comical inadvertent translations. There was the time my grandmother (an American visiting us in Ecuador) yelled at the maid from the shower “Cecilia, la sopa”. Cecilia, who spoke no English, was puzzled as to why my grandmother would want soup in the shower (needless to say, she wanted soap –“el jabón”). There was the American exchange student who at an awkward moment revealed she was very “embarazada” (which translates to pregnant, adding to the “embarrassment” she meant to convey). The same student was very “exitada” to see me (I must have been a hot thirteen year old for her to be “aroused”… only later did I re

Bring your Tornados to Buckingham Palace Week

Dear Members and Constituents, What a crazy week it’s been... and personally, I’m glad it’s over. The whirlwind of banal media coverage surrounding every detail of the royal wedding (who cares if Prince Andrew won’t have a wedding band because it reminds him of the common donut?). The whirlwind of children pillaging and plundering their parents’ offices (you mean there aren’t donuts in your office every day?). The whirlwind of, well, wind setting an unofficial record for tornado touch-downs this month (are those donuts raining from the sky?)... In a roundabout way these events seem to twist together into a nice circular form. And much like the circular pastries sitting at my desk, they will soon be a distant memory. Don't let this event also pass you by, make history, grab your donut -here today courtesy of Monisha Merchant (donut girl). Happy Friday!

Donut Achievements

[Posted by Ed Stocker in JP's absence] Dear Members and Constituents, JP, along with many of our co-workers, is out today supporting Junior Achievement (JA) at DuPont Elementary. I (and if you are reading this Friday morning probably you too) was unable to participate this year. JA uses one particularly fitting example on their website of how they explain business concepts to Elementary students. While explaining different production methods, students might learn about unit vs. assembly line production methods by producing donuts. If I’m in that class my first thought is FIELD TRIP. I wonder if JP will gravitate to this example in his class? For those of us unable to participate in JA day there’s no need for a field trip, Donut Boy, Marc Solome has delivered four dozen wonderful donuts to us this morning courtesy of Krispy Kreme (whose automated assembly line is on display in most stores for field trip viewing). JP isn’t in but the donuts are so come on down (to JP’s)

Remember the Donuts

Dear Members and Constituents Visiting with my nearly ninety one year old grandmother, I’ve come to gain a better appreciation for memory. How we sometimes take it for granted and how even that can be taken away from us. I will admit it can be fun providing dramatically different reactions to the same anecdote, or having the opportunity for “do-overs” when answering the exact same question. And even though it’s sad to repeatedly tell my grandma how many children I have, their names and ages; you do what you can to enjoy the times together. Recently I’ve noticed an interesting pattern. On any given day, she may repeat an anecdote from her early life several times, however, from one day to the next the anecdote she repeats seems to change (and the previous day’s anecdote is often not mentioned). I think this insight reveals something deeper about our brains. I have come to believe our brains use “themes” as a means to prepare for conversation. Folks with better memories catch themselves

Dig Our Donuts

Dear Members and Constituents, Among the threats to a free and open Internet we have oppressive governments, the digital divide, toll-extorting monopoly providers and shovel-wielding 75 year old women. For those of you not following the news or who don’t happen to live in Armenia or Georgia, it appears one such lady was allegedly trying to salvage copper when her shovel severed the fiber optic cable supplying these countries with Internet access, creating an hour-long outage. Given older generations resistance to change one can't help but wonder whether this was truly an accident. Copper may be a valuable metal, but an AARP member mining along public rights of way? I might believe gold or gardening, but copper? Personally I will never look at a senior equipped with a shovel the same way again. Fortunately donuts don’t require utensils so the probability of collateral damage when consuming one is minimal. This morning Melissa Nibbelink delights us with four dozen LaMar’s treats. S

The Grand Donut

Dear Members and Constituents, Wandering the Grand Canyon trails this week I noticed trees in unlikely places. The more unlikely the place the more regal the tree. This made me wonder whether these trees have a sense for their aesthetic value or an appreciation for their awesome surroundings. It also made me aware this distinction comes at a price. Poor soil, water scarcity and higher exposure to inclement weather come to mind. Yet these trees seem to thrive despite the adversity; or, dare I say, on account of it. Does this principle apply to people as well? Perhaps my mishaps on this trip were helping me build character. The speeding ticket in Moab, the chronically deflating air mattress at the camp site and the deer we hit on the way back were all there to help me become a regal tree. Perhaps… What I do know for sure is donuts have arrived, courtesy of John Schoder (donut boy). So don’t be a stick in the mud and come grab one. Happy Friday!

Sense Or Ship?

Dear Members and Constituents, This morning, as I turned my radio on, I was horrified to hear of a global network of censors being used in conjunction with the Japan nuclear disaster fall-out. Censorship… why? I could understand a totalitarian regime like the ones crumbling in the middle east using a network of censors, but… and then it hit me. Sensors. That made a lot more sense. I felt silly. Like the closed captioning typist who was fired from her job for transcribing a story of Gorillas in Colombia. The folks putting the English language together must have a dark sense of humor. Why else would words with diametrically opposed meanings sound identical? Sensors inform you while censors hide things. Gorillas lead peaceful lives, secluded from the chaos of modern life while guerrillas are literally “little wars”. You raise a building and, when its useful life is done you raze it. Along the same lines we have donut vs. do-not. This morning, I encourage you to grab a donut, so do-not be

March Deliciousness

Dear Members and Constituents, With March Madness in full swing, I have a confession to make: I don’t follow college basketball but do participate in the occasional office pool. My bracket completion method is rather straightforward: teams with lower numbers in front of their name advance to the next round, with the exception of eight seeds. As for the final four, I figure alphabetic order or a coin toss are as reliable as Google (and a lot less effort). I might find myself a bit more engaged if instead of institutions of higher learning, the tournament involved institutions of sweeter leavening. Replace baskets for donuts and basketballs for donut holes and you’re onto something. With 50 members, our donut club could support 10 teams (not enough for a sweet sixteen, but we do get a play-in). The good news is everyone on the donut club gets to play (no arbitrary CU-like controversy). Today, on her final day as donut girl, Shiri Bahar sets-up an alley-oop for you to complete the slam du

8.9

Dear members and constituents, Let us stop to ponder the turmoil facing the island of Japan this morning. Six months to the day from 9/11, on 3/11 a great tragedy strikes. The fifth-largest earthquake on record has shut down five nuclear reactors and has released enough energy to have us expecting five foot waves on the other side of the globe. The expectation is building as the Tsunami slowly crosses the Pacific to reach American shores and the ripple effects are sure to be felt for years to come. As our thoughts and prayers go out for the millions impacted, let us not forget to take a moment and be grateful for what we have. Amongst these things, Kripy Kreme donuts -here today courtesy of Jeff King (donut boy).

Imagine

Dear Members and Constituents, With both the NFL and the Federal Government extending their negotiation deadlines in order to avoid disruption, I got to thinking… what if these institutions were to permanently shut down. I know, it’s unthinkable, but indulge me as I butcher a John Lennon song : Imagine there’s no football, concussions out the door, no leagues competing, your Sunday is now yours Imagine all the people going to church that day Imagine no more taxes, I wonder if we could, take home all your paycheck, Bureaucracy adieus! Imagine all the people Who are no longer fleeced You might say I’ve gone crazy, and perhaps you would be right I hope you’re here for a donut and the world will see the light Imagine there’s no donuts, I know it sounds grotesque, nothing to brighten Fridays, and bagels at my desk. Imagine all the people dreading all their work You might say I’ve gone crazy, and perhaps you would be right I hope you’re here for a donut and the world will see the light

Donut Core Team Action Item

Dear Members and Constituents, Amidst a whirlwind of activity, the siren call of business jargon lures unsuspecting white-collar workers to the treacherous waters of meaningless babble. Scholars shudder helplessly as “the ask” and “the learning” morph from verbs to nouns thrown about while “doing” lunch. We scavenge for low-hanging fruit whilst managing expectations because we were unable to take it to the next level. Dizzy yet? If not, let me talk around the issue and circle back to my main point: I may find myself talking in circles, but I prefer to talk about one circle in particular. Whether glazed or filled with jelly, the circle in question always livens my Fridays. You know the one. After years of ruthless re-prioritization to extract synergies, the Friday donut core team has met the street's expectations and stayed above the line. So, get your ducks in a row, put those pending issues on the parking lot and tell the world you’re out-of-pocket while you grab some coffee and a

The Friendly Donuts are Here

Dear Members and Constituents, It appears I’m not as cool of a dad as I thought: I’ve been “unfriended’ by my kids. My hunch was confirmed this week when I was unable to find my eighteen year old son amongst my “friends” to post warm birthday wishes to his page. As it turns-out my sweet sixteen year old daughter is also absent. I must admit I had a hunch. Something had felt off for a while. My son’s brash comments and daughter’s quirky remarks had, after all, been missing from my “news feeds”… it simply had not yet clicked. While I can certainly understand their perceived need for independence and privacy, now that it’s official, I must admit to feeling a bit hurt , a little betrayed and a sense of loss. I thought I was doing all the right things. I don’t let apps post things on my behalf, I don’t blabber-on about frivolous or mundane tasks and I avoid posting embarrassing messages to my kids’ pages (which in this case meant I was completely abstaining from posting, after all, at that

Ancient Donut Recipe

Dear members and constituents, This week it's been harder than usual to keep-up with world events. You see, my tolerance for public radio fund drives is very low. Despite this, I was able to sneak in a bit of world news: It appears after 30 years in power Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak is finally out of office. While unofficial this may well have been the world's longest running pyramid scheme. Egypt… Pyramids… get it? All right, that's all I got for you today. Fortunately Stacy Jackson our donut girl has better delivery. She delights us today with four dozen delicious donuts. Might I recommend you drop-by quickly, before the dry Colorado air begins the natural mummification process. Happy Friday!
Dear Members and Constituents, What goes around comes around. It’s a basic concept embedded in many schools of thought. Whether it be an observation of nature (Newton’s third law), a cosmic force (Karma), a permission to retaliate (the code of Hammurabi or the mosaic law’s “eye for an eye”) or a behavioral guideline (the golden rule), actions have consequences. While this is a very serious matter, it sometimes manifests itself in rather humorous ways. Enter this week’s anecdote. Tuesday, snow day, my two youngest boys are pulling each other around the house in a plastic sleigh –dragging their foreheads on the carpet as they go from room to room. The resulting rug burns and the way they came about were rather comical so, of course, after advising them not to do this again I took it upon myself to tease them. Wednesday, work-at-home-because-it’s-freezing day, the alarm rings and I roll out of bed (literally), forehead crashing into the corner of my nightstand. Voilá a third matching fore

State of the Donut

Dear Members and Constituents, As I listened to the state of the union address this week and tried to chew on the quick barrage of media bites, one got stuck between my teeth. “We need to out-innovate, out-educate, and out-build the rest of the world.” There appears to be a deliberate asymmetry about this statement which feels off. All three actions start with the word “out”, but only two of them have three syllables and rhyme. Out-fabricate would have met these criteria for the third, but I presume it was ruled-out as too cutesy. Out-make does not have the three syllable word, it adds an imperfect rhyming sound, but I presume it’s not macho enough. I suppose “build” has such a different sound that the abrupt end to this string of words makes it less ignorable. I have paid no attention to the follow-up press coverage so I’m not sure whether the sound bite lived-up to it’s ultimate intent (to be eaten-up by the media). Another thought that crossed my mind was to wonder how Friday Donut

A Rainbow of Donuts Before You

Dear Members and Constituents, Have you ever noticed when you hold your index finger and thumb at a specific distance from your eye and “grab” the edges of any rainbow, the distance between the index and thumb are always the same? It does not matter whether the rainbow is caused by the water drops coming from a thunderstorm miles away or a garden hose in front of you, the diameter of that rainbow will never change. In other words, all rainbows are the same size (supernumerary rainbows, of course, are bigger -but they too are all the same size as each other). Try it sometime, it’s true! I discovered this fact this week and, as should be expected of anyone making a great contribution to science, I was very pleased with myself. Of course, my self-satisfaction in this discovery was rather short-lived. As I explored this notion further (Google), it turns out Rene Descartes had made essentially the same observation some 374 years before me. So much for fortune and fame. The reason all rainb

Migratory Donuts

Dear Members and Constituents, Has it ever occurred to you that air travel is similar to salmon migration? Both traveler and salmon are determined to reach their destination. Neither is deterred by dangers and obstacles in their path. Bears, osprey, dams, security checkpoints, customs agents and the possibility of a 10,000 foot drop are no match for the will to arrive. Once the journey has started, nothing matters more than completion. Fortunately, the parallel usually breaks down at the spawning and (more importantly) the death part. This morning, Sara Baack (donut girl) made the journey from South Florida to deliver four dozen donuts. They may be a little late (traffic lights and other unmentionable perils prevented an earlier delivery) but they’re here now. So, embark on a journey of your own. Overcome whatever obstacles may lay in your path. At my desk you will find the sweet reward. Happy Friday!

They're Donalicious

Dear Members and Constituents, I must admit it’s fun to watch language evolve (or devolve, depending on your stance). New words are coined by the media to hype events (birdpocalypse, fishpocalypse); politicians to slant debate (obamacare, carterization); technologists to describe new activities (to tweet, to google) or youth, for no apparent reason (bromance, chillax, shawdy). While some of these words may stick around for a long time, others will likely fall into disuse and fade away from our collective memories. Generations from now, the passages of high brow literature may include phrases such as “given this relationship as frienemies it was natural for Laquisha not to overthink her recent defriending by Romela…” or something to that effect. Language change is a byproduct of the changing habits and preferences of its users. If language were frozen in time, we’d need to struggle with Shakespeare’s language to describe eating a burrito while carpooling to the high-rise building where