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Showing posts from May, 2015

Honk if you Love Dounts

Dear Members and Constituents, A car parked at the Level 3 garage (pictured) got me thinking about bumper stickers. Yes, bumper stickers, that passive-aggressive way to share something about yourself with your fellow commuters. Peel the backing, place the sticky side on your car and voila! You’re ready to show support, boast membership, crack an inside joke or mock others’ views. Permanently. Indiscriminately. Bumper stickers are a convenient means to broadcast your politics (for or against), national origin (pick an obscure three letter abbreviation), sport (26.2, 13.1 or 0.0), beliefs (fish, with or without legs), what you’d rather be doing (catching fish, preferably of the legless variety), advertise a product, or share how your group “does it” (can I get one that says “Level 3 employees do it around the corner or across the globe”?). There are even donut bumper stickers. You have the classic “bad cop, no donut” (because, let’s face it, there’s no way you’re getting off with a war…

Come Now, Donuts Are Standing-By

Dear Members and Constituents, I have a confession to make: I watched an infomercial this week. I forget the specifics, but somewhere between their patent-pending this and volume purchases of that, my mind started to wander. Suddenly, I was transported. There must have been a disturbing grin etched on my face as I imagined an infomercial of a different color –from the perspective of a fictitious, amoral and unscrupulous company. Now, before I take a stab at committing this script to paper (I should say bits in this case), conjure-up your favorite “infomercial pitchman” (here’s a compilation of bad infomercials, if you need some inspiration). Ready? OK.
Tired of expensive toys? Wallet worn-down from buying useless trinkets that hold your child’s attention for a few hours, at best? Have your kids been invited to yet another pointless birthday party? Stop! Don’t spend another twenty of your hard-earned dollars at the Walmart toy aisle! Did you know today’s children will play with the av…