Friday Donuts

Friends, Call me crazy, but I enjoy painting mental pictures with unusual metaphors and analogies (and the occasional bad pun). Why settle for describing a book as a great read, when you can say it gave shirtless sax solo vibes? Instead of saying a friend is stubborn, one might describe them as having the threshold for pain and bad decisions of a facial tattoo bearer. Of course, like watering a cactus, you need to exercise restraint, lest you lose your audience. Like the restraint I’m showing right now by limiting my donut consumption to one. What fun metaphors have you used lately? Happy Friday! Putting this picture here makes as much sense as marble urinal dividers ​

Friends, Ever find yourself, soapy hands outstretched under the sink, cursing the plumbing gods for the broken sensor, only to realize you’re at a manual faucet? The mix-and-match array of touch less and traditional gadgets at public restrooms can get confusing. Flush, soap, wash, dry, air dry, sanitize, and exit; all with inconsistently implemented automation. Ripping and replacing all gadgets at once would be a costly endeavor, but prioritization shouldn’t be left to chance. A “gross/last touch” matrix, where the levers most likely to be germ-infested (gross) and the reverse order in which they touch our skin (last touch) are given a higher electrification priority seems like a reasonable approach to me. By the way, when did we decide mixing water and electricity was OK? Anyway, so long as you wash your hands before you go get donuts, I suppose the gadget gauntlet is a minor inconvenience. Happy Friday!

Friends, Cordyceps, a fungus that turns ants into zombies is scary stuff! So much so, it inspired the dystopian plot for the video game, and later HBO series, The Last of Us. So why would the makers of Ryze, a mushroom “coffee” be bombarding me with ads, feature this ingredient? Perhaps the fungus-controlled minions have become so sophisticated they are using a marketing campaign to take over the world. Perhaps. It's supposed to boost stamina, which would explain why the zombies never seem to stop coming. At least donuts don’t yet feature that ingredient, or we’d be doomed. Happy Friday!​

Friends, As a kid, TV was a convenient way to explore the world beyond my backyard. Exotic animals in far flung jungles and cowboys in untamed lands kindled my malleable imagination. Growing up I realized many of the plot devices in use at the time made rare events appear common. It turns out my fear of encountering quicksand on hikes was unwarranted, as were my worries of getting amnesia from bumping my head, or being knocked out by a karate chop. Most criminals don’t confess, cars going off cliffs don’t tend to explode, and estranged twins rarely show up out of nowhere to fill your shoes. And, fortunately, one doesn’t need to become a cop to consume donuts on the regular. As for auditory and visual hallucinations, I’m still waiting. Happy Friday! The Plot Tthickens ...

Friends, The two sports franchises that call Ball Arena (aka ballerina) home took diverging paths this week. Both teams had home court/ice advantage. The Avs took care of business, sweeping the Kings (#nokings). The Nuggets couldn’t get it done, and were sadly eliminated last night against Minnesota (#nojokic). I attribute the difference to the fact I didn’t attend any Nuggets games this series. I know, my bad. As the Avalanche readies to bury the Wild, I’m seriously considering buying round 2 tickets, lest another Minnesota team put a wrench in our postseason run. At a minimum, I must have a donut with extra frosting (#noicing). Happy Friday!