Friday Donuts

  Friends, This morning I’ve been assailed by the big questions. Questions like if genius is truly one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration, do hot and humid areas produce a disproportionate amount of geniuses? And, if the only true wisdom is knowing you know nothing, are lazy ignoramuses the wisest among us? Of course, the biggest question on a day like today would be: if a baker’s dozen has 13 donuts, can baking be described as spooky math at a distance? After all, if twelve equals thirteen, then quantum physics may make sense after all. Happy Friday! ​ Another big question: why should pot dispensaries monopolize this theme?

Friends, 2,768. If you’ve ever been to the Manitou Incline, you’ll recognize this as the number of steps you must climb to reach the top. With a 2,000’ elevation gain, it’s like taking the stairs to the Empire State Building‘s observation deck. Twice. Or, burning off a half-dozen donuts in one workout. You reach the top, spent, only to be taunted by a sign stating it’s 10 miles to Pikes Peak’s summit. Hard pass! Any way you look at it, climbing the incline is a fool’s errand. I guess you could say it puts the labor back in Labor Day. I’ll concede the view was nice and the accomplishment felt good, but my calves might beg to differ. I’ll have my half-dozen donuts now, thank you. Happy Friday!​

Friends, Have you ever kicked yourself for forgetting to do something, only to later realize what you actually forgot was the fact you did it? You know, “forgetting” to pack your charger at checkout, purchasing a replacement, then finding the “lost” charger in your backpack. Or, “forgetting” to brush your teeth, then having your moist toothbrush remind you the routine task was actually completed. Part of me worries this may be an early sign of senility. Part of me knows it’s nothing to worry about, just gremlins subtly sabotaging my day. Whatever the case may be, today threatens to be busy, so I best go grab a donut and review that ad copy … wait, did I already do that yesterday? Happy Friday!

Friends, A lunar eclipse sighting Is rather inviting, To see the moon’s face Shaded by our home base. But, as the hour came near, My goal, once so clear, Yielded to hesitation, And practical considerations. To stare at the heavens At 11:11, That feels rather late, I don’t think I will wait. And 93 percent Isn’t that big an event, Plus clouds might come out And make insomnia for naught. The blankets are warm, And sleep so refreshing. Not much hesitation In missing the occultation. You may or not tell, But I slept rather well. Regrets? Maybe small. But, I stand by my call. My consolation prize Was a donut of average size. So, that, my good friends, Is how this poem ends. Happy Friday! Since I couldn't take a photo of the eclipse, I got you this one instead. ​

Friends, Can universal truths hold in a multiverse? If anything that can happen will happen an infinite number of times, can there be a subset of multiversal truths that hold across every possible universe? I suppose the operating word is “possible”. If anything is impossible across the multiverse, then multiversal truths must exist. Truths such as 1+1=2 or the fact information never disappears, it only changes form or moves to another place, branch or dimension. And this, my friends, is where I bump my head on the wall at the deep end of the knowledge pool and must abandon this pursuit. So, I leave you with this thought: donuts probably don’t exist in every possible verse, so the next time you bite into one, take comfort knowing you are in a special place. Happy Friday!​ Could the multiverse be home to a society of giant guinea pigs?​

Friends, Whenever I’m in a new town, I seem to gravitate towards mildly fancy restaurants. You know, not so fancy you walk away hungry after an exquisitely decorated five course meal at a price that could have fed a family of seven. No Michelin stars or famous chefs here. Just fancy enough they feel the urge to play the bedroom voice bossa nova version of Brittany Spears’ Baby One More Time. The latest in a long string of similarly neutered pieces sharing the same Brazilian arrangement. You don’t know whether to lament the song’s desecration or lip sync the familiar lyrics. Fancy enough to serve beignets, bomboloni or buñuelos for dessert (donuts would be too pedestrian). Sure they have nice decorations and perhaps a good view, but is the gussied-up food with thematically amped names worth it? I suppose it depends on your tolerance for elevator music and whether you have an afternoon to kill with a good book. I hear Do Aliens Speak Physics is clever, funny and packed with donut referen...

Friends, They say work is so bad they have to pay you to do it. So, why do folks have such mixed feelings about retiring? Financial insecurity? Loss of purpose? Facing mortality? Stockholm syndrome? These were some of the questions racing through my head as I watched the septuagenarians of AC/DC perform last week. Brian Johnson looked like Danny DeVito. Angus was anything but Young. The rest of the band played in the background, looking equal parts muppets, orcs, and meltdown at Madame Tussaud’s wax museum. Needless to say, not the image you expect from a quintessentially rebellious band. Don’t get me wrong, the music and experience were great. Once you get past the initial impression and the formulaic nature of the gig, and start screaming out the familiar tunes, the 100 dB sound takes you for a ride down the highway to … well, you know. You temporarily trade your donut halo for some croissant horns. After all, what you get out of a concert is what you put in. Sure, the band shoulda, ...

Friends, Looking back on my trip to the Galápagos Islands, it occurred to me there are details you only notice when you’re there. Like, there are no donut shops, or, lava tubes can be huge. And so, it felt appropriate this morning to channel my inner David Letterman and share the Top 10 things I never realized about the Galápagos Islands: 10. The mountains get nippy and there are cattle ranches up there. 9. Growing up to 45’ tall, the scalesia trees in the rainforests are largest sunflower relatives 8. Another outsized plant are giant opuntia, tree-like cacti which tortoises like to feed on. 7. Scorpionfish are delicious (and have very few bones). Also, I prefer the Spanish name (pez brujo — wizard fish) 6. Sea lions (sea wolves in Spanish) own all park benches and sleep all day, oblivious to the constant paparazzi snapshots. 5. If you want to sound like a native, the really cool-looking red crabs with blue bellies are called Zayapas. 4. Tortoise and iguana limbs can look really ...

Friends, What makes something special? Distance is a criteria used with some frequency. What, with absence making the heart grow fonder and familiarity breeding contempt, it seems the further something is from your everyday experience, the more special it becomes. Rarity also plays a role. It helps if something is one in a million, or even better, one of a kind. Then there’s popular sentiment, after all, vox populi, vox Dei. And, while all these factors influence our perception, I propose to you that many special things are none of the above. That common and unpopular things near us are arguably more special than distant, rare and universally acclaimed novelties. A breath of fresh morning air filling our lungs. The glow on a loved one’s face as they smile at us. The smell of freshly brewed coffee as we bite into that weekly donut. Maybe it’s all of the above. Maybe, as they say, variety is the spice of life. Happy Friday! Two pelicans, a sea lion and an iguana gathered for a special oc...

Friends, Mix equal doses of isolation, adaptation, and time. Add a pinch of random stowaway life forms. Remove predators. The result? An eclectic collection of surprising plants and animals known as the Galápagos Islands. Here, iguanas swim and dive for food, the largest members of the sunflower family grow into 45 foot tall trees, and boulder-sized tortoises blow past the century mark with ease. Frigatebird throats of red, boobie feet of blue, moth-pollinated flowers of white. And, having been granted constitutional rights , sea lions own most park benches in town. Surrounded by an ocean teeming with fish of all shapes and sizes, the only downside of spending time in this remote Ecuadorian province appears to be the complete absence of donut shops. I suppose I too can adapt.  Happy Friday!

Friends, They say bugs are the protein of the future. Compared to cows and chickens, crickets require a fraction of the environmental footprint and are a more nutritious alternative. And, once you get past the ick factor, they’re not that bad (not that great, either). I had the chance to try three varieties of dried crickets this week: regular, lime, and spicy. They arrived courtesy of Gustavo Morejón, an entomologist friend and fellow madman. I snacked on a couple, mixed them with dinner, and even tried one on a homemade donut. The verdict: if you’re gonna put dried crickets in my food, grind them up and don’t tell me they’re there. I can do without seeing them, or picking the legs out from between my teeth. Happy Friday!

Friends, On this, the eve of the 20.83 dozenth anniversary of the declaration of independence, I felt compelled to overpay for a red, white, and (mostly) blue alien Voodoo Doughnut. After all, what’s more American than conspicuous consumerism? This break from the toil treadmill, is an opportunity to ponder why the founding fathers chose to go to war. While we all know it was “taxation without representation”, it was not about onerous taxes (the 1-2% effective tax rate is laughable by today’s standards). It was the arbitrary way they were imposed. I raise my carb-loaded 640 calorie monstrosity to this quarter of a millennium experiment in government, in hopes its citizens (not subjects) will continue the long tradition of holding their elected officials accountable. Because, as Robin Williams once said, “politicians are a lot like diapers, they should be changed frequently, and for the same reasons.” Happy Friday! Sneaking in a photo at DIA's illuminati terminal.

Friends, Ecuador has a reputation for being a country where nothing works but everything works out. I suppose the same can be said for the predictions regarding the national soccer team’s performance in Group E of the World Cup. The sages, oracles, and bookies had them advancing to the round of 32 by beating Curaçao, tying with Ivory Coast and losing to Germany. Instead, they tied with Curaçao, lost to Ivory Coast and beat Germany. It worked out! Go figure. It’s like expecting a cream filled donut and biting into a Boston cream. Stressful but satisfying. Happy Friday!​ Photo credit: Mario Pons

Friends, If you’re following the Would Cup, you’ve probably asked yourself: what’s with the hydration break? And, who was the millennial (or perhaps zoomer) that came up with this bright idea? I mean, in my day, the field was slanted uphill, both ways, players never drank liquids, and they liked it just fine  . I think the pitch must have gone something like this: “OK, boomer, this may sound out of pocket, but we should lowkenuenly glow up the game. Let’s bffr, we don’t want players to crash out or have a menty b, so let’s give them a brain break to hydrate.” Speaking of which, Ryan Milkowski, one of my Gen Z language instructors, was kind enough to make the trek out to The Donut Palace in Clinton, Missouri and grab some of their spectacular apple fritters (and some donuts, of course). Bussin’. Happy Friday!

Friends, When my colleague Amy Fisher told me about Landline Doughnuts in Longmont, I knew I had to make the trek. I mean, donuts and telecom nostalgia combined …what’s not to like? Functional rotary phones you can use to call your mom (or your boss) also serve as the shop’s main line. Patrons acting as unpaid customer service reps can pick up the phone and answer callers’ questions (you get what you pay for). The call I witnessed went surprisingly well. And, they use mashed potatoes in their dough, which gives the rotary dial-inspired donuts a nice texture. The only disappointment, if you can call it that, was the absence of a telecom connection (the owners were just looking for a nostalgic theme). It took a year, but I’m glad calendars finally aligned. Needless to say the conversation was delightful. Happy Friday!

Friends, Social media is littered with curated portfolios of our best moments. Only photos with perfect smiles, open eyes and our best angles will do. The rest are discarded. As you get older, finding that perfect perspective gets harder, so the ratio of posted to discarded images creeps ever lower. A couple of weeks ago, while at National Harbor, MD, Kelsie Davis (an amazing colleague and human being) managed to capture one such unicorn photo of me as we were standing in front of the landmark Captain Wheel. I think you’ll agree it's quite flattering. I leave you with that image as I head out the front door to celebrate national donut day with another amazing colleague at Landline Doughnuts in Longmont. Happy National Donut (Fri)Day!                                                                 ↑ yours truly ↑

Friends, Call me crazy, but I enjoy painting mental pictures with unusual metaphors and analogies (and the occasional bad pun). Why settle for describing a book as a great read, when you can say it gave shirtless sax solo vibes? Instead of saying a friend is stubborn, one might describe them as having the threshold for pain and bad decisions of a facial tattoo bearer. Of course, like watering a cactus, you need to exercise restraint, lest you lose your audience. Like the restraint I’m showing right now by limiting my donut consumption to one. What fun metaphors have you used lately? Happy Friday! Putting this picture here makes as much sense as marble urinal dividers ​

Friends, Ever find yourself, soapy hands outstretched under the sink, cursing the plumbing gods for the broken sensor, only to realize you’re at a manual faucet? The mix-and-match array of touch less and traditional gadgets at public restrooms can get confusing. Flush, soap, wash, dry, air dry, sanitize, and exit; all with inconsistently implemented automation. Ripping and replacing all gadgets at once would be a costly endeavor, but prioritization shouldn’t be left to chance. A “gross/last touch” matrix, where the levers most likely to be germ-infested (gross) and the reverse order in which they touch our skin (last touch) are given a higher electrification priority seems like a reasonable approach to me. By the way, when did we decide mixing water and electricity was OK? Anyway, so long as you wash your hands before you go get donuts, I suppose the gadget gauntlet is a minor inconvenience. Happy Friday!

Friends, Cordyceps, a fungus that turns ants into zombies is scary stuff! So much so, it inspired the dystopian plot for the video game, and later HBO series, The Last of Us. So why would the makers of Ryze, a mushroom “coffee” be bombarding me with ads, feature this ingredient? Perhaps the fungus-controlled minions have become so sophisticated they are using a marketing campaign to take over the world. Perhaps. It's supposed to boost stamina, which would explain why the zombies never seem to stop coming. At least donuts don’t yet feature that ingredient, or we’d be doomed. Happy Friday!​

Friends, As a kid, TV was a convenient way to explore the world beyond my backyard. Exotic animals in far flung jungles and cowboys in untamed lands kindled my malleable imagination. Growing up I realized many of the plot devices in use at the time made rare events appear common. It turns out my fear of encountering quicksand on hikes was unwarranted, as were my worries of getting amnesia from bumping my head, or being knocked out by a karate chop. Most criminals don’t confess, cars going off cliffs don’t tend to explode, and estranged twins rarely show up out of nowhere to fill your shoes. And, fortunately, one doesn’t need to become a cop to consume donuts on the regular. As for auditory and visual hallucinations, I’m still waiting. Happy Friday! The Plot Tthickens ...

Friends, The two sports franchises that call Ball Arena (aka ballerina) home took diverging paths this week. Both teams had home court/ice advantage. The Avs took care of business, sweeping the Kings (#nokings). The Nuggets couldn’t get it done, and were sadly eliminated last night against Minnesota (#nojokic). I attribute the difference to the fact I didn’t attend any Nuggets games this series. I know, my bad. As the Avalanche readies to bury the Wild, I’m seriously considering buying round 2 tickets, lest another Minnesota team put a wrench in our postseason run. At a minimum, I must have a donut with extra frosting (#noicing). Happy Friday!

Friends, “I would love to know of any plant-based vegan neighbors to connect with.  ”.  When I saw this, I contemplated trolling the post, then decided to take the higher road and muse on it with you (behind their back, of course). At first blush, it felt as redundant as saying music-based bands, activity-based hikers, or hate-based racists. Could there be another kind of vegans? While there clearly are no meat-based vegans, perhaps there are folks who avoid fungi, that other kingdom that is neither plant nor animal. These folks might also avoid algae, which are part of the protista kingdom. Perhaps I was rushing to judgment without all the facts. Maybe they weren’t asking for it after all. Then again, they did use the little hearts emoji at the end. Yeah, they deserve it. In any event, it’s good to be able to share this with donut-based friends. Happy Friday! Not suitable for plant-based vegans ​

Friends, At night, the moon’s albedo stirs libido, and my thoughts wander, as I wonder about many a things: I wonder why the brash pretend to be brave. I suppose words are cheap.  How can crass tastes pass for class? I suppose wealth and taste are independent variables (more golden decorations anyone?).  When did the small minded get the idea they have a smart mind? I suppose it’s always been so. As these and other thoughts parade through my head, Morpheus finally arrives. A final thought of donuts sneaks in, then sleep finally sets in. Good night moon (or lack thereof). One more thought for the pillow: Was there no other order these two light rail lines could be listed in? ​ ​ Happy Friday!

Friends, Have you been following the lunar flyby expedition? As I ponder the mission’s completion, with splashdown scheduled for tonight, I start my own journey down the proverbial rabbit hole. First, there’s so much information to sift through. Once you get past the earthrise, eclipse, and far side crater stuff, you get to the mythology. Artemis was Apollo’s twin sister. While this subtle connection to prior moon missions makes sense, Apollo is part of a rare breed of gods whose name is the same in both Greek and Roman myth. This matters because the precursor to the Apollo missions was Mercury, the Roman god of trade, travel and thieves. The other mission series in that era, Gemini, was also named after Roman twins. Artemis is a Greek goddess. Diana, Apollo’s Roman twin feels like a more suitable name, does it not? There’s the Orion capsule. A fellow Greek, hunter and acquaintance. While the intra-mission mythological consistency is good, he was killed by Artemis—not so good. I suppos...

Friends, Travel puts you in a surreal state of mind where the implausible feels possible and you’re more likely to accept things on face value. It often starts with that late night drive where nothing’s on the radio, so you settle for BBC news and their GMT off-color banter about an Australian surfer being killed by a shark … nudge, nudge, say no more. That sets the tone for the audio hallucinations to follow. You hear the announcement that boarding has started at gate “Amen” (actually A9). So you say a prayer and get in line. Once aboard, the flight attendant instructs passengers: “destroy” your carry on bag… (actually “to stow”). By the time you land at a far away airport in an exotic destination, you’re so desensitized, the presence of a Dunkin’ feels normal. You buy an overpriced stale donut and reach for your carry on bag. Never mind, you destroyed it. Happy Good Friday!​

Friends, Wanna experience pure unadulterated joy? Go hiking in the foothills on a cool spring morning. Keep your cell in your pocket. Or go lounge on your back porch under the shade of a large tree. Eyes closed, breeze on your face, and dog by your side. Or, better yet, get on a trampoline with a two year old. Dive into the second-hand exhilaration. Then get yourself a donut and an ice cold glass of milk. Mmmm. Cheers to the simple things. Happy Friday!

Friends, The weight of the sun’s rays lay heavy on my skin as I left the house for my early afternoon walk. It felt as if an invisible magnifying glass in the sky had concentrated the heat on the back of my neck, warming my bones to the core. Sol de aguas (water sun), I said to myself as I went on my way. I had fool-heartedly decided to forgo the umbrella and rain jacket, trusting the inevitable downpour would hold off long enough for me to arrive at my destination. Big mistake. I accelerated my pace as the dark clouds on the small mountain valley’s horizon snuck up behind me, a cool breeze quietly filling the air that moments ago had felt like a sauna. Then, the drop. A large, solitary raindrop hit like the sharp rap of a finger on the top of my head. A pause. Then another, this time it splatters on my cheekbone, sprinkling debris on my eye. Time to run. In seconds flat, the syncopated staccato beat makes way for the deluge, drenching me from crown to soles. I reach for my key and ope...

Friends, Is it me, or does the weather usually feel unusual? Perhaps that’s why it’s such a popular topic of conversation. While Colorado is having an unusually warm and dry winter, unusually heavy rain feeds frenzied rivers, toppling bridges in Cuenca, my hometown. Whether we blame it on a boy (el niño) or a girl, oscillations or vortexes, everything is connected in this small speck of the cosmos we call home. Besides the unusual weather, the other usual thing happening at the González household this morning are donuts — Krispy Kreme, to be specific. Here’s hoping your usual donuts are unusually good. Happy Friday! Since I mentioned Cuenca, here are a couple of photos taken on a recent trip.

 Where did Friday go? Yesterday came and went without a donut missive. For the first time in a long time, no silly snippets, random ramblings or profound pondering. Not for lack of ideas. It just happened. The culprit: unanticipated travel delays and work got in the way.  If you failed to notice, no worries, you're in good company. If you think about it, makes sense. While an email in your inbox or post in your feed calls for attention, its absence amidst a busy day is easily missed. Out of sight, out of mind. The good news: I was able to get a donut at the airport and I had started a draft before the day got away from me. So, without further ado, here's yesterday's post (completed):  Friends, How literal are you? I have a propensity to interpret things too literally. As a child, when I heard my sister broke her head, I imagined her skull cracked open, brain exposed to the elements; not the small cut she actually had. When relatives told me of their boat tr...

Friends, This is post #1,000 to the Friday Donuts blog, can you believe it? Granted, there have been more Fridays than posts (all my Qwest Friday donut club posts and most of the first year of Level 3 Friday donut club posts were lost). Still, there's something about big round numbers that calls for dramatic acknowledgement.  Someone once asked me if I ever feel lazy and do reruns. The truth is that while I may subconsciously do variations on certain themes (space, philosophy, news, morality, humor, poetry), I always try to keep these notes as fresh and original as possible. I've also been asked if I have a favorite post. Well, I don't but I figured this momentous occasion warrants a retrospective. If you have the time, a warm beverage and a donut, I've curated a few above-average posts. A word of caution, reading these may take you down Alice in Wonderland's proverbial donut hole. If not, I hope you at least have a donut. In any event, without further ado, here...

Friends, As we begin the Chinese year of the fire horse (not firehose as some would have you believe), it felt appropriate to lean-in to the fire theme and give up ice for lent. It should be good for the environment, after all it takes energy to freeze water. It can also serve as a small form of civil protest to the atrocities being committed by this nefarious agency. I can hear myself saying it already: “water, no ICE”. I suppose this would also apply to the icing on the cake donuts. So, what size is ICE as it continues to metastasize? Hard to say, but we may only be seeing the tip of the iceberg. It’s gotten so bad that when National Geographic was promoting an article on black ice, I thought it was a PR stunt trying to clean up the agency’s image. Turns out it was about slippery roads, not the slippery slope our government appears to be on. Whatever your lenten sacrifice might be (if anything), I hope we can all agree to say “neigh” to abusive masked men dehumanizing immig...

Friends, Superstition dictates what you’re not supposed to do on Friday the 13th. Travel, get married, start a new venture. I think adding workouts to the list would not be a stretch. After all, going to the gym these days feels like a TV crime drama. It’s not just the muscular tattooed guys and gals that would be right at home in a 70s prison yard scene. There’s the individually shrink wrapped and vacuum sealed butt cheeks being preserved for evidence. The sixty-something gang chatting it up and obviously up to no good. And let’s not forget all the people wiping their fingerprints off of everything they touch. You can see the potential for unfortunate events transpiring. Much safer to grab yourself a donut and stay out of harm’s way. Happy Friday! Apropos travel, I really hope the duck tape is on the jetway, not my plane

Friends, When it comes to networking, I’m in the remedial category. Small talk is not my forte, giving and accepting praise feels awkward, and keeping in touch is a struggle. I certainly don’t deserve the random acts of kindness folks bestow on me on a surprisingly regular basis. Don’t get me started on the thoughtful gifts — the lion’s share of which revolves around donuts. From the anonymous “donut whisperer” shirt I wore to tatters to the donut-shaped mug that graces my desk, the thought that someone would go out of their way to buy me something is humbling. Then there’s the next level: crafts. Which brings me to the latest addition to my donut-themed paraphernalia collection. My good friend and esteemed colleague Beth Keserauskis found some donut-patterned canvas and decided to apply her advanced sewing skills to make me a tote. Now I can shop for donuts in style! All I can say is: I must have done something right with my life, that’s the only way I can explain being surrounded by ...

Friends, One likes to think proficiency and results are the way to reach the top. Do good and the world will do good by you. Right? But that’s not always the way the world works. In real life some good people get held back while incompetence (or worse) often fails up. Case in point: the star of the apprentice. How the heck did he get to the oval? Or, take murder, the quintessential activity where you’re rewarded for failure. Succeed and you’re in the slammer for life. Fail (i.e., attempted murder) and you’ll get a much lighter sentence. Fortunately, when it comes to donuts, the reward is instantaneous. All you have to do is order and, bam, instant gratification. And so it is that, I raise my coffee and donut to all you “slow and steady wins the race” folks out there. I take solace in knowing there’s so many more of us. Happy Friday! ​

  Note : for best results, I recommend you turn on your rapper brain before reading this.  Friends, On this fine day I’d like to say, nay propose, you should read this using lyrical prose.  As I see the AFC’s final game, the Broncos should all the same send the visiting team from whence they came, with a loss to their name. Even with Nix nixed for the season, the defense is the reason we’ve made it this far (not a single star). So, as a footnote, even though footage shows Bo lost his footing, injuring his foot when a Bills safety couldn’t safely tackle him, the backup quarterback will bring the Broncos back to the Super Bowl, y’all! It may be the donuts I ate talking, but I think this is a team of fate. I know this note is late, sorry it's so tardy, but it’s time the Lombardi landed at mile high.  Happy Friday!

Friends, Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: what’s a donut lover’s favorite day of the week? Fry-day. Get it? It all makes sense now. Right? Here’s hoping you have a delightful day and you get a chance to put the fry back in Friday. Cheers!

Friends, Picture this clickbait: Narcissistic dictator known for ignoring the rule of law, his long-winded, often nonsensical discourse, and a contempt for the truth, snatched and flown-in to face justice. Now imagine reading this in Canada. You might be forgiven for momentarily thinking the Mounties finally crossed the border and put the orange man in an orange jumpsuit. Of course, we all know what really happened, and despite the spectacular mishandling of the situation, I’m glad to see Maduro behind bars. Speaking of Canada, Southwest Airlines does not fly to Toronto, but if you search tor a flight, they will show you itineraries to ONT (Ontario, California). One might be forgiven for thinking it’s another nearby airport and booking a much cheaper trip. Assuming you don’t fall for the ploy, once downtown YYZ, the donut holes at Greta Arcade Bar are pretty, pretty good. Happy Friday!

Happy New Year, Friends! My household likes to ring in the new year by figuratively burning away the year that was. Picking a suitable effigy that is both relatable and fun can get a little tricky. Politicians and dead celebrities often provide good fodder, but this time I wanted to go in a different direction. Enter the brazen eight-minute heist of the crown jewels at the Louvre. In case you missed it, a four-man crew disguised as construction workers used a cherry picker, angle grinders and scooters to go in and out in a flash. And, since my wife and I had a chance to case — I mean to visit — the palace this year, it felt perfect. That’s how the idea of the Monalisa getting held up came to life. In the process I was able to work-in six seven as part of the treasure being stolen. If you’re over 17, google it (and if you’re already familiar with the meme, google it anyway, the screen effect that presents the results will give you a smirk). Here are a few photos of the event for y...