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Showing posts from October, 2012

Use your donut in accordance with product labeling

Dear Members and Constituents, Reading a can of can of Clorox Spring Mist Disinfecting Spray a couple of days ago, I was struck by a discovery (I will let you draw your own conclusions as to how I came to be reading this material—suffice it to say that it didn’t involve the higher levels of Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs). I discovered the fine print on the can states “it is a violation of federal law to use this product in a manner inconsistent with its labeling”. I could certainly understand if such use would void any warranty, but violating federal law seems a bit much. After all, there are other federal and state laws covering a broad range of dos and don’ts, are there not? Shouldn’t that be enough? Must I now be afraid of a lawsuit if, as the product labeling states, I don’t let the surface remain wet for 10 minutes before wiping it clean? (who does that anyway?). Seems a tad extreme. And what’s the penalty? I don’t know, the can didn’t say.
So as you come over to my desk …

The Rush to be Early Made Me Late

Dear Members and Constituents,
Like a shooting star crossing the sky in a fleeting flash of light, our stay on planet Earth can sometimes feel brief. From that chance encounter of two cells uniting, making us our unique quirky selves until we exhale that last breath, setting the stage for our cells to fall apart. The mad rush of this modern world can hypnotize us and mess up our priorities. We dash in the pursuit of happiness not realizing happiness is often a byproduct of doing the right thing. The hustle and bustle can sometimes make us forget to enjoy the ride. Take this morning for example. In my rush to get into the office with enough time to write this note, I totally forgot I had agreed to buy donuts for Andrea Pierantozzi (donut girl) -who is out of town today. So if donuts feel a little late today it's because they are. Blame it on this chaotic modern life –or, better yet, blame it on me. On the bright side, they're here! Give credit to Siri for allowing me to write t…

Donut Drama

Dear Members and Constutuents,
Have you ever considered hiring a narrator for your day-to-day? A veritable Discovery Channel documentary commentator. You know the type, right? Someone with a deep voice who can make those ordinary tasks sound dramatic and the most mundane of decisions a matter of life or death. This style of narration has become a pandemic, infecting a large portion of the programming spectrum, spanning the range from the common reality show to the hallowed halls of scientific exploration. And while I must confess I find this trend somewhat annoying, part of me thinks it might be cool to apply it to my personal life (with a dramatic musical score, of course). I’d do it myself, but I find doing my own third person narration about events in my life a little too weird (or, eccentric if I were rich). Instead, how about I switch my attention to Art Weston (making his debut today as donut boy)? Imagine if you will Morgan Freeman, Alec Baldwin or Sigourney Weaver as she descr…

Muse on the News

Dear Members and Constituents,

While the presidential debate raised the level of political discussion this week, the discourse in political commercials has fallen to new lows, making me want to ObaMitt… (smirk). This week, I figured I’d try to focus my attention outside this country for a bit, re-writing some global headlines. Here are a few that came to mind:
Those turkeys in the Syrian government did some serious damage in TurkeyA currency trader, labeled a traitor in Iran, confessed “I ran from the police to save my life” (amidst all the demonstrators in Tehran)Greasy protesters in Greece suspect Angela Merkel is not a visiting Angel of MercyHating NGOs in Haiti are competing to provide enriched peanut butter to peasants making peanuts I realize some of you may be grateful most news editors aren’t this cheesy. Well, neither are our donuts (I’ve read the ingredients and I can assure you there is no cheese). They’ve been at my desk since early this morning courtesy of returning Friday…