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Showing posts from 2010

Out With the Old, In With the New

Dear Members and Constituents, This last day of 2010 finds me busy with last minute preparations for a traditional Ecuadorian Año Viejo celebration (you guessed it, I’m not in the office today). For the curious among you, Año Viejo (literally “Old Year” in Spanish), is a unique spin on the “out with the old, in with the new” theme surrounding this time of year. It involves building one or more mannequins anthropomorphizing the year which is about to expire. These mannequins range from the generic to very elaborate arrangements representing something old. The most frequent themes are self-effigies (for people who had a negative life-event), politicians (easy pickings) and negative world events. In Ecuador these dummies are set-up in displays and traffic blocked by “widows”, usually men in black dresses, mock-grieving the passing of 2010, asking for alms from the curious folks out to see the creative arrangements. Shortly before midnight, the last will and testament containing 2010’s moc

'Twas the Day Without Donuts

Dear Members and Constituents, ‘Twas the day before Christmas, and all was at rest not a creature was stirring, at least not near my desk the donuts are not at my office today and folks are enjoying a well earned holiday some sleeping, I venture, still snug in their beds while others have projects they’re doing instead and I in pajamas still crafting this missive some words just fit-in, while some are elusive no donuts today, so why write this letter? some extra shut-eye instead might be better I’ll tell you my logic, revealing my plot then make-up your mind if I’m crazy or not as I lay in bed awake before dawn considering sleep while my mind wandered on my thoughts soon did stumble on our donut club dear and spawned a new notion, so present, so clear that even though donuts, the glazed and the jelly are not being eaten or stored in our bellies the goodwill I share towards you can’t be denied it must be explicit, it can’t be implied so let me not stray for too lo

Donut Holdiay Election

Dear Members and Constituents, With election season behind and the holiday season upon us, wouldn’t it be nice if we could combine the two? Stay with me on this one… What if you could have a popularity contest for holiday terms? An objective face-off to determine which word is most popular. Wouldn’t it be convenient if there was a tool to scour fifteen million books and determine how often a given word has been mentioned over time? As it so happens, we’re in luck! Google labs has released such a tool: the Ngram Viewer and I’ve taken it for a test-run. For grins and giggles, several seasonal terms were pitted in a head-to-head popularity battle. The first experiment was to pit the word donut against several major holiday terms. I was initially shocked when I incorrectly concluded the word “donut” was more popular than other holiday terms (I was using lower-case for terms normally capitalized –and capitalization matters to this tool). Obviously, this initial comparison was fundamentally

The Donut Conspiracy

Dear Members and Constituents All the news about WikiLeaks has got me thinking. You guessed it, I’m thinking about its funny-sounding name (quite the comical alliteration). I am also thinking about conspiracy theories. In the words of the anonymous Sage, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you. Why is it 10 years later and you're still working on that realistic five-year plan to financial independence? Why is it that Dragon Dictation, the tool I am using to write this note, has crashed twice, loosing my previous drafts? And what is it with those men in black trench coats that seem to follow me everywhere? Is it a natural conspiracy or is there a human organization behind it? I'd like to believe it's just human nature conspiring against us. Still, sometimes I wonder if the goal posts are being moved as a control mechanism by big brother. It’s possible my doubts may be fueled by the fact I myself am orchestrating a conspiracy to mak

The Mythical White Donut

Dear Members and Constituents, With the arrival of advent, the Christmas season is officially upon us. Time to hunker-down for the barrage of Holiday advertisements while you procrastinate on the obligatory gift shopping. Time for sweet eggnog, melodic caroling and... white elephants. The white elephant. That rare and precious pachyderm breed, ideally suited to blend-into the arctic tundra. So good is this camouflage, there are no recorded sightings. What bright-eyed child wouldn't want one? And, what perverse adult decided to name the giving of gifts you don't want after it? Perhaps it's the pragmatist who considered the upkeep? Or, the biologist who thought white is the wrong color for tropical habitats? Whatever the case, the good news is donuts would never fall into this category. Brittany Sever marks her debut in the club today with the gift of Winchell's. Happy Friday!

Thanksgiving Donuts

Dear Members and Constituents, With Thursday being Thanksgiving I thought I would throw out a list of things for which I’m grateful. My wife and children's hugs –even when they are the result of a broken heart or a scraped knee Ski season –even if I can only go up twice and it means putting-up with cold weather in Denver for several months Pink Floyd –even though I dislike the song Sheep (and the entire Animals album for that matter) Good food –with the possible exception of beef liver and escargot Awesome co-workers –even those who feel compelled to schedule 4:30 Friday afternoon meetings Fridays –today is no exception with Iky Chan marking her debut as donut girl (donuts are here) What are the things for which you are grateful? P.S. My children would also be grateful if you purchased a fir Christmas wreath from them (today’s your last chance, sign-up sheet is at my desk) Happy Friday

First Times and Pleasant Surprises

Dear Members and Constituents, I traveled to Huntsville, Alabama for the first time this week. I was pleasantly surprised to find a modern city with a rather diverse population. NASA, military contractors and the highest concentration of rocket scientists were not at all what I expected (I will spare you the stereotypes about the south that had crossed my mind). I was there for my first hardware manufacturer vendor conference. Again, I was pleasantly surprised to find how much insight I was able to gain, not only about their products but about the marketplace (and they paid for all expenses). And while I must confess I was not thrilled to come back to Denver’s first snowfall of the season, I must confess the beauty of snow-covered peaks has had a positive effect on my psyche. Speaking of firsts, today is the first Friday of the new donut rotation. Granted, having donuts at my desk on a Friday is by no means a surprise, it is pleasant, nonetheless. It is also the first week Steve Hibbar

Billion Dollar Donut Shop

Dear members and constituents Did you hear about the billion dollar home Mukesh Ambani, the richest man in India, has built for his five person household? Yes, you read right, one BILLION dollars (insert Dr. Evil laugh ). The 27 story humble abode is located in downtown Mumbai, a city where 56% of the population lives in slums. That's over 10 MILLION people (insert Dr. Evil laugh). Granted, he's probably creating 300 housekeeping jobs, but, how does somebody get so disconnected from reality? I mean, really! Details are being held close to the vest and everybody involved has signed non-disclosure agreements, so, of course, rumors of what the amenities might be are rampant. Some things are obvious: three helipads on the roof can't be hidden. Others tease the imagination. I too have succumbed to the temptation and made-up my own list of what I would Put in my next $1 billion home. There's the obvious ones like the room that controls the weather or a BMW shop (not my origin

Over 6.8 Billion Alive, Following This Week's Events

Dear Members and Constituents, This week's news reports seem rife with death. Argentine presidential coronary, Indonesian tsunami and volcano, Mexican cartel, Iraqi hanging... even a psychic German octopus drowned. Of course, these deaths are the exception, not the norm. The rest of us are alive. 6.877 billion of us -not counting octopi. I know, not the most spectacular of news headlines. Still, great news for you and I. Alive to dress up like undead zombies and terrorize the neighborhood while on a trick-or-treating rampage. Alive to enjoy the crisp fall weather in a Bermuda shirt and shorts. Alive to watch the news. Alive! Another advantage of being alive is our ability to enjoy donuts. This week Satinder Juneja (donut girl) makes her debut in our club with a spectacular assortment of the circular pastry treats. So come on down, enjoy life -and a donut- before it's too late. Also in the “to do before it’s too late” category: let me know if you don’t want to be included in th
[Ed Stocker; filling-in for JP] Dear Monsters and Creepers, The mornings are cool, the grass is frosty, leaves are changing color and covering our yards. It can only mean one thing, its Fantasy Football season. Or, I suppose, it's almost Halloween. Empty store fronts are now thriving enterprises selling all manner of costumes and costume accessories. There are houses with spooky yard displays and as many lights as they put up for Christmas. Halloween parties begin in earnest this weekend to allow you to define a change in your appearance, into pretty much anything you can conceive. But the real mainstay of Halloween are the treats. And this morning, we have our very own ghoul, Austin "The Big" Hurt, to thank for this morning four dozen Lamar's treats. So stop by JP's Haunted Office and grab one. He's not here, but he won't mind. Ed

There Is a Little Black Spot on the Sun Today

Dear Members and Constituents, This morning I would like to discuss pain with you. I realize this is an odd topic, perhaps even taboo in our hedonistic society where “have fun” has become the new “see you later”. We don’t think about it. We don’t talk about it. We avoid it (except, perhaps, those who consider pain pleasurable). We even avoid people who are in it because it makes us feel uncomfortable. Lately, I’ve been considering the notion that a little pain in our lives may be good for us. Not only does it help us better appreciate good health, it also reminds us that in the grand scheme of things we are feeble transitory things. Perhaps the attitude prior generations held towards self-mortification as a way to keep the flesh in check has some merit. I must admit I find the notion of heroically enduring pain as a means to purification somewhat appealing. Don’t get me wrong, I am not advocating self-flagellation or ritual injury (nor am I in favor of any sadomasochistic practice). I

Donut Management

Dear Members and Constituents Whenever I go to the barber (or hairstylist, as the case may be) there's one question which is sure to kill the conversation. What do you do for a living? If I say product manager I get the deer in the eyes headlights stare. It's no better if I say I work in telecommunications. So what's a guy to do to keep an interesting conversation going? Do I lie and say I'm a base jumper, or a butcher, or a construction worker? Do I go ahead with my actual job and then struggle to explain what it is that I do? While the last two days of product management training have taught me a lot, I think I'm going to go with the white lie. So, the next time a random lady stops me on the street and says "you're that guy who climbs the highest peaks around the globe" don't be surprised. You should also not be surprised by the fact delicious donuts are at my desk this morning. After over six years of running the Friday Don’t Club, I consider it

New Acronym: DAAS

Dear Members and Constituents With all the buzz around cloud computing it occurs to me this term was not coined in Colorado. We would be all about blue sky computing. None of this cloud mumbo jumbo. The latest trend is to call it CAAS -computing as a service. In fact, you can add “AAS” after almost anything and have a trendy acronym: IAAS, SAAS… PAAS –Infrastructure, Software…. Passover? respectively. Case in point, this e-mail was drafted entirely using Dragon Dictation. Sure it has its glitches (below is the unedited output of this application), but it does the job. What if DAAS was added to the lingo? What would donuts as a service look like? Donuts show-up every Friday without you having to go buy them. Wait! We already have that, it's called the Friday Donut Club. This Friday, services were rendered by Melissa Blassingame, donut girl. So, come partake in this new technological revolution and the next time someone asks "how did you get that donut?" just say it's

Donut Piracy

Dear members and constituents Last Sunday was national talk like a pirate day. Did you neglect to observe it as well? The way I see it, today is as good a day as any to make it up, after all, pirates are not known for their timeliness. The first thing to decide is what kind of a pirate will you be talkin' like? After all, piracy is not the exclusive domain of the Irish. If you're thinking intellectual property piracy, it seems China is the place to be these days (Ecuador would also do, however, given the modest size of it's population, it is not top of mind). As for more traditional lines of piracy, Somalia seems to be home to most modern seafaring pirates (the newsworthy ones anyway). Of course, the obvious choice is the Hollywood varietal. So here goes nothing: Argh matey! The mess hall be overflowin' with round delicious treasure. So, unless you be wantin' to walk the plank, get off the poop deck and wander on down. Yo ho, donuts and a bottle of rum for ye! In t

Donut Details

Dear Members and Constituents, They say the Devil is in the details. Does that mean detail-oriented people have one hell of a time? As for sweating the details, that notion might be attributed to the fact hell is reportedly hot (the further you are from them, the less you perspire). Of course the road to hell is paved with good intentions, so it should come as no surprise I had intended to write an inspiring note this morning, instead, you get this (I know, details, details). In thinking about the origin of the word details, it occurs to me the Devil has a tail… a D-tail, if you will… (this is probably not the correct etymology, so don’t go around spreading this notion). Another word that begins with the letter D is donut (perhaps a better urban myth to start). This morning Ben Peterson (donut boy) broke away from his detail-laden advanced computer model long enough to make a donut run at LaMar’s. So whether you are a big picture person or you’re down in the weeds, come on down and he

Mad Media. Delicious Donuts.

Dear Members and Constituents, Is it just me, or is the press intent on making a bigger deal than usual of things this week? Daylong programming on a single topic, rehashing the old hash with no new news. Don’t get me wrong, I like to be as informed as the next man, and I do feel for the folks who lost their homes. But rambling on-and-on about the goings-on without a shred of new news. Flaming arguments over burning documents. Reporters report about reports they should not have reported. Making a big deal about having made a big deal of the mad dealings of a madman. Seems a bit much. So, I’ve decided to do this week’s news in verse. Smoke in Boulder getting looks Crazy pastor threatens books Burning homes. Burning tomes. Can’t we all just get along? All hold hands and sing a song? Radical Christian. Radical Islam. No more burning, let us barter Build your mosque a little further Towers’ stump. Donald Trump? Why should tensions build so high? Have a donut, do not fight Feeding anger

Therapeutic Donuts

Dear Members and Constituents, Ever get stressed-out? I know, that seems like a stupid question to ask this group. I must confess I'm not the type to let stress get to me. I seem to have a natural predisposition to prioritize my work, organize my life and smile at all times. However, for some reason, this week has been challenging. So, I've been trying to think of good ways to relieve stress. I’ve come-up with a few. Here they are in no particular order (let me know if you have others that work for you): Sing to the radio at the top of my lungs on my commute home. Stress is diffused amongst all those looking sideways at me. Particularly Ed, my carpool (he suspects I might be loosing my sanity) Make a to-do list. Seeing the problem in black and white helps (you mean I'm stressed over this? That's it?!?) Avoid the temptation to skip the gym and family time so as to get more work done. Usually, when that temptation arises, I've reached the point of diminishing returns

The Donut Fairy Was Here

Dear Members and Constituents, We inhabit a world which is continuously stripped of its mysteries. Every scientific breakthrough. Every explorer’s accomplishment. Cold cerebral rationalization is slowly replacing magic. All things must have a logical explanation (which does not involve mystical creatures). Long gone are the days when we were afraid of what might lurk in the dark or were awed by the fog rolling into the crags at dusk. Or are they? As I arrived at my desk this morning a familiar yellow box sat on my chair with a heart-shaped note attached to it. The note read “Nothing like donuts on Tuesday” and was signed by the Donut Fairy. My advice to you this morning is not to question why or how this happened or who is behind this, just know there are three dozen donuts waiting for you at my desk. Come on down, there’s plenty for everyone. Happy Fr… Tuesday!

In Donuts We Trust

Dear Members and Constituents, How much is a dollar worth, and why is it we freely devote countless hours to work for a paycheck? When you think about it, a dollar has no intrinsic worth. It is not a good building material and has questionable nutritional value (although I bet it’s rich in fiber). A hundred dollar bill probably costs about the same to produce as a one dollar bill (and I bet coins cost more to manufacture). The dollar is not even backed by precious metals (we did away with that in the ‘70s). So why is it so many folks around the world put their faith in the almighty dollar? If you give it some thought, I think you will agree it’s a matter of convenience and trust. Let’s face it, barter is very bulky and inconvenient (How many hams for that plasma T.V.?), so we choose to trust we will be able to exchange these dollars for the goods we need and want. We trust the value of our dollars will remain relatively constant over time. By extension we trust dollars will remain rela

Peace, Love & Donuts

Dear members and constituents, When thinking of a utopian society, peace and love come to mind as two of it's key traits. But if you were building this society, which would you prioritize -say, if you had limited funding, and needed to phase-out the project. Love comes naturally in a peaceful society. Similarly, peace is to be expected when love prevails. But which is the better precursor to the other? The Beatles speak out of both sides of their mouth when it comes to this topic. They would have you believe love is all you need, yet, it was the very John Lennon who said we should give peace a chance. Then again this may be a false trade-off. It seems to me, peace is to love what chickens are to eggs (or muggy weather to mosquitoes). You can't have one without the other. I think there is a third item without which the utopian society is not possible. Donuts. This morning we have two donut girls. Tracy Holick, responsible for the physical donuts present at my desk (first day o

Donut Surrogate

Dear Members and Constituents, Our lives seem to be filled with surrogates. Rationalization substituting religion. TV filling-in for conversation. Facebook replacing physical social interaction. Why is it we get caught-up in these alternatives to the real thing? To be sure, every case is unique and each medium has it's own appeal. Take facebook. I don't know whether the number of your posts is truly inversely proportional to the amount of face-to-face interaction you get, however, it stands to reason the more time you spend using it, the less time you have left-over for other activities. I think the it is such an appealing surrogate has to do with the fact it keys-in on several reward mechanisms. There’s something for everyone. Whether you’re an exhibitionist (sharing all the minutia in your life), a voyeur (keeping tabs on others), a journalist (archiving things for posterity), a collector (accumulating friends) or a gamer (pretending to be a rancher or a mobster)… you can get

Donut Canals

Dear Members and Constituents, Have you ever subjected yourself to a root canal? Of all the activities we willingly undergo, root canals are the closest thing I know to raw, unadulterated torture. A simultaneous stimulation of all senses, root canals are an equal opportunity tormenter. The sound of the drill. The smell of burnt teeth and rotten bone marrow. The taste of tooth fragments and bleach. The sight of your teeth, turned to stubs. The vibration of your entire skull in response to the blunt instruments used… not to mention the raw pain emanating from that inadvertently pinched nerve-ending. A funny thing happens when you sit helpless on the endodontist’s chair, mouth full of cotton, wondering whether to dignify his latest question with a response (surely he realizes all the instruments in my mouth prevent me from articulate speech): You start to think absesses might not be so bad, after all. Mild chronic pain, bone loss and even toothlessness briefly seem attractive alternatives

Denver Donuts Deliver Dreamy Deliciousness

Dear Members and Constituents, How one sees things is inevitably conditioned by one’s perspective. Take, for example, the shepherd who tells his incredulous buddy about the Pterodactyl he just shot. “Did you kill it?” asks the friend. “No, but I did startled it enough to drop the sheep it had taken”. The newspaper article describing this self-same event tells the tragic story of a hang-glider pilot plummeting to his death, shot-down by a cold-blooded sniper. For those of you gaping in horror, this is a cruel joke (any similarity to actual events is unintended –and highly unlikely). It does help me make the point that our experiences frame our perception. This is the proverbial box we keep being told to think outside of. I recently got a taste of my own ethnocentricity in Panama City’s Tocumen International Airport. I awaited my connection, browsing duty-free goods in this giant monument to consumerism, when I had to do a double-take. A Dunkin’ Donuts. This remote enclave had a quintes

Agile Donuts

[Ed Stocker; filling-in for JP] Dear members and Constituents, In JP’s absence The Donut Club has self organized into an Agile Scrum. In this weeks Sprint, Bill Long has Prototyped 4 dozen Lamar’s Donuts. They are located in the Bullpen (32C-415) for your testing. Please come by and provide your feedback on the enjoyment level obtained from the first delivery in our Agile transformation. Scrum Master Ed

TGIF and the donuts are here

[Carlos Belloso; filling-in for JP] Dear members and Constituents, No haikus or donut trivia today, but the donuts ARE here! Thank you Jill Daugherty for being our “donut girl” this week :-)

I've Got the Donut Blues

[Ed Stocker; filling-in for JP] Dear members and Constituents, This has been a short week, which almost always guarantees a busy week. Adding to this I also moved offices. Given this, I haven’t been able to compose a proper email this week worthy enough to announce the arrival of Donuts this morning. It’s not an excuse, well, its kind of an excuse, but not really a good one. So, I will reach out to the immortal “Joliet” Jake Blues for some good reasons why there isn’t a better email. “I ran out of gas. I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! It wasn't my fault, I swear to god!” With that, thanks to Carlos Belloso, aka Donut Boy, for finding the time to bring four dozen Daylight Donuts which are waiting in JP’s office for your enjoyment, the only thing better would be “four fried chickens and a C

Independence Day Donuts

[Ed Stocker; filling-in for JP] Donut Club Members and Constitutionals, The 4th of July is a uniquely American Holiday, and a good day to ponder what makes us special. There are many characteristics of America, but one I am thinking about is that America is a true melting pot of cultures. One of those is the Dutch, a large portion of which settled in Pennsylvania. These Pennsylvania Dutch, as they came to be known, were excellent bakers. They brought us the modern variation on cookies, cream pies, cobblers and of course apple pie. Why do I bring this up today in the donut email? Donuts have a varied history around the world and come in many different shapes and tastes. But, donuts were truly perfected in America by the legendary bakers, the Pennsylvania Dutch. So on the eve of the eve of the most American of Holidays, celebrate like a Pennsylvania Dutchman and have a donut for America. And along the way thank Donut Boy Eric Jochens for the four dozen delicious Winchell’s donuts lo

Summer Vacation

Dear Members and Constituents, It’s official. Summer is here and you know what that means. Record-breaking heat (yes, today is one of those days slated to approach the high-water mark) Action verbs (hiking, riding, climbing, camping, swimming, rafting, paintballing) Cars crashing into deer, then bursting into flames (until this morning’s news, I had not thought of deer as highly flammable – could that be the cause of so many brush fires?) Kids wondering what to do (dad, I’m bored… -preferred intonation involves the use of long, drawn-out vowel sounds followed by a pout) I’d like to dwell on this last item a little longer. Why is it not standard practice for adults to take the entire summer off? All through our formative years we are conditioned to anticipate two and a half months of leisure. Then, by the time we finally know what to do with the time, we get cut-off. Hardly seems fair. Granted, I realize that from a practical perspective, having everyone take the summer off would involv

Baskets, Goals and Donuts

Dear members and constituents, How about them LA Lakers? You Boston fans will have to forgive me, but that was some clutch play. It seems appropriate one of the lowest scoring finals in NBA history would come during the World Cup. Granted, more points were probably scored than in your average Soccer tournament, still, it was a defensive battle (and some dreadful offense). It also seems appropriate, as we begin the seventh year of the Friday Donut Club, it took seven games to finish the final series. Let's hope the USA team (playing right now) gets to play seven games in the World Cup (which would put them in the final game). They’re down 1-0 to Slovenia, but it could still happen. Not a believer?, ask Spain whether they ever expected to loose to Switzerland. Need more proof you can expect the unexpected? Ask Bryce Christensen (donut boy). After months of alternating between LaMar’s and Krispy Kreme, the perpetual staples of our Friday diet, he decided to go with Winchell’s. I

Do-the-nut math

Dear members and constituents Do numbers hold special meanings, or are they just a vessel to convey quantities? Throughout history, various cultures have attributed different significance to certain numbers. On this, the sixth anniversary of the Friday Donut Club, it occurs to me the number six has gotten a bad rap… probably stemming from the use of 666 as the number of the beast. But six is not 666. Six is a human number. Let me explain. If you add three, the number for the divine (the Trinity, the cardinal virtues) to four, the number of the earth (the four elements, the cardinal points), you have seven, the complete number (hence, It's lucky connotation). If you are one shy of seven, you're incomplete, in other words, human. So, how did 666 become the number of the beast? Simple really, six repeated three times is man trying to be God. But six by itself is not bad at all, in fact, it's great! So when you see the number 6 emblazoned on half the four dozen donuts here

Happy Holidays!

Dear Members and Constituents, This week we celebrate a very special day. A day of remembrance. A day to appreciate what we have. In honor of this high holiday, I’ve prepared an acrostic as my humble way of honoring this most important of days. M any years ago E xhausted from the toils of war M iserable and downhearted O ver the horizon came a ray of hope R ising from the ashes I nspiring everyone A mazing generosity L ovely gift to share D oughnuts fried in soldiers’ helmets A ppeared thanks to the Salvation Army Ladies’ Auxiliary Y ears have passed, but still we remember By now you surely have guessed the holiday in question. So, let me be the first to wish you a happy National Donut Day! This holiday, held the first Friday of June each year, was founded by the Chicago Salvation Army in 1938 to honor the women who served donuts to soldiers in World War I. Now, if you don’t have a Dunkin’ Donuts nearby (so as to have one of their donuts for free ), don’t despair. Both LaMar’s and

Annoying e-Mail

Dear Members and Constituents, From the humble chain letters to the malicious 419 scam (a reference to article in the Nigerian criminal code making it a crime), people continue to send junk e-mail. Sure, some seem harmless enough and yes, they tug at basic emotions (compassion, greed)… but… really? Today I wanted to share some generic examples with you: 1. Google Money (or Microsoft, or Apple or…) for my surgery Hi, you don’t know me, but I’m [proof of being a good person] on whom some huge evil has befallen [insert ailment]. I’m writing because [Insert giant Tech company name] has offered to pay [$X cents] for every time this e-mail is forwarded. If you don’t forward this you’re sub-human. (this works best if the domain of the company the sender’s e-mail is in is a competitor of the domain of the company giving the money ;o) 2. Threatening inspirational message Usually a power point with beautiful pictures and music, inspirational words from a poet or religious figure… so far so g

Brain Food

Dear Members and Constituents, Do you consider yourself a left or right brain person? Does your mind steer towards a deliberate and scientific approach to problem-solving? or, does art awaken amazing adventures of the heart? I’m not sure I buy into the popular notion that people can conveniently be categorized in this way. Be that as it may, whether you deliberately organize every aspect of your life or creatively associate random events to achieve new heights, there's one thing that left and right minded people can all agree on: donuts. You can be intrigued by the process or amazed by the taste. You may deliberately pursue the physiological effects of sugar or simply let yourself get carried away… By virtue of being round, donuts don’t have a left side or a right side and therefore appeal to all. This morning, Chris Hynes (donut boy) has something to delight your heart and soul: four dozen LaMar’s donuts. So, do the logical thing that feels good and come grab one (or more). Happy

Awesome!

Dear Members and Constituents, It's Friday again, what an awesome day! Time to tie loose ends and reflect on all the week's accomplishments. Time to plan for and anticipate the weekend's possibilities. A time when the glass is definitely half-full (whether that be coffee, tea, cold milk or another beverage of your choice). A time for donuts -to accompany the aforementioned half-full glass. An awesome time! Come get your share of awesomeness, courtesy of Ronald Cook (donut boy). 'Nuff said. Happy Friday!

There's a Hole in the Bottom of the Gulf

Dear members and constituents, A hole in and of itself is neither bad nor good. This value judgment (good vs. bad) comes from context. Take, for example, the giant beaver dam in Northern Canada. Several generations of beavers spent nearly 40 years building a 2,200 foot dam. It's so big, you can see from space. After all that hard work, I'm sure the beavers would hate to see it develop a hole. Also in the bad category, there’s a hole in the bottom of the sea. There’s a pipe from BP in the hole in the bottom of the sea. There is a slick from three leaks in the pipe from BP in the hole in the bottom of the sea. And the black oil spills all around all around, ‘till the black oil slick runs aground. On the other hand there’s the good holes. This morning, Monisha Merchant (donut girl) delights us with four dozen holes of the good variety (contained within a like-number of donuts). And while they’re dam good, you should to be careful not to spill them. Happy Friday!

Donut Take Them for Granted

Dear Members and Constituents, Why do we take things for granted? When you get down to it, we're a rather fortunate bunch. Yet, there is a propensity to under-value the people, experiences and things in our lives. We want what we don't or can't have. It's a human thing. I suppose this quest for more is the seed of our species' progress. If cavemen were content to sit by the fire we would not have the Internet. Still, one can never have it all, so why not enjoy what we have? The love of family, the company of comrades the comfort of hearth and home and, why not, Friday donuts. Come, forget for a moment all the things you don't have and experience how sweet a donut can truly be when you're caught-up in the moment. Don't forget to thank Marc Solome while you're at it for his stellar debut in the club. Happy Friday!

Ye all Come Hither, Donuts Hath Arriveth

[Ed Stocker; filling-in for JP] Since today is April 23, and as you must already know April 23 is the official Talk Like Shakespeare day, I bring you a Friday morning Sonnet.* Donuts and the Bard ‘Tis Friday, the three and twentieth day. Officially time to talk like Shakespeare, In the month of April, right before May. Methinks this day shall pleaseth mouth and ear. Start with the high post of donuts to eat. To embrace and talk like the bard today, Is a quest cousins, to you I entreat. Use ur olde English and see what ye say. Sir Rusty Corne is no canker-blossom, A Dozen by four he hath supplieth. LaMar’s sweet moist temptations most awesome. Get thou to JP’s, don’t walk ye, runneth. Wrap now this folly and move it along, JP’s back next week, and I beat the gong. *I didn’t say a good Sonnet.

Mmmmmmm, Donuts

[Ed Stocker; filling-in for JP] According to JP’s extensive research work into Donut lore, today is the official International Day of the Donut*. Isn’t it ironic that on the International day of the Donut, JP, our Donut CEO, is in Ecuador hundreds of miles from the nearest Donut purveyor; while we have 5 dozen of LaMar’s finest to celebrate this widely acclaimed international holiday. Some come by JP’s office and observe this, the most wonderful of holidays, with a freshly delivered donut courtesy of Yuko Aoyagi. *Fact checkers have been unable to substantiate this claim by independent research, i.e. a Google search.

Today's Donuts are The Bomb!

Dear Members and Constituents, With sports news dominating much of the headlines this week (baseball opening, golf sub-plots, blue devil this or that…), I decided to go in a totally different direction. This morning, I figured some common sense advice could come-in handy (not that any of you are lacking in this department). Ready, fire, aim! Don’t smoke, it’s bad for you (if in doubt, refer to label on the cigarette pack) If you do decide to smoke, don’t do it in designated non-smoking areas Should you decide to contravene this advice, don’t smoke in places with stiff penalties and sanctions… say, the lavatory of an airplane If, by chance, you feel an urge to go against this advice… and get caught, don’t joke about lighting a shoe bomb Of course, none of the above applies if you are a diplomat On the other hand, to my knowledge, the consumption of donuts has not been connected to cancer, emphysema or any second-hand ailments. Furthermore, I know of no place which bans their consumpt

Easter Donuts are Here

Dear Members and Constituents, The Easter season has me thinking about pastel-colored hard-boiled eggs and bunnies… and how they came to be associated with this celebration. In my mind, the logic goes something like this: Eggs are inanimate objects out of which springs new life, a symbol of the miracle of resurrection. If a chick were to spring-out of a hard-boiled egg, now that would be quite the miracle Of course, as we all know, rabbits reproduce by means of laying chocolate eggs. A natural association anyone familiar with rodent biology would make As for the pastel colors, try as I might, I can’t think of a logical reason If you ask me, I think we should add donuts to this disparate list. The justification might be the fact they are are a holy food (donuts have holes, get it?) or that they look like halos. Then again, as with the pastel colors, no justification may be necessary. I think I may not be the only one who would like to create a tie between Easter and donuts. This week I

Today's Donuts are Rich

Dear Members and Constituents, Who is wealthy and what does it truly mean to be rich? Is the trust fund bunny, devoid of joie de vivre better off than the fool, who can’t feel the pangs of hunger thinking of his beloved? All the material possessions and comforts in the world can’t buy curiosity or desire or motivation. The vibrant energy which comes from anticipating the weekend is free as is a stimulating conversation with a friend. Sure, having the financial freedom to pursue your passions is nice, however, absent the passions money is worthless. I’m with the Beatles on this one, money can’t buy me love… Although you don’t have to be rich to enjoy a donut, you should know Rich Law (donut boy) is responsible for today’s batch. He delights us with four dozen LaMar’s pastries. So, come on down and let a wealth of flavor engulf your senses as you bite into one of those soft, sweet treats. You’ve earned it. Happy Friday!

March Madness Manifesto

Dear Members and Constituents, I realize what I’m about to say may be shocking to some of you, however, I don’t get March Madness. I don’t follow college basketball and despite having won money in both of the brackets I entered last year, I decided to quit while I was ahead and not enter any this year. I realize this highly alliterated event is a passion for many of you and I respect that… it’s just not my thing. Perhaps if they drew some inspiration from donuts it might be more appealing to me… Instead of the Sweet Sixteen they could have the dirty dozen (obviously the Sweet Dozen would be ideal, unfortunately it does not meet the alliteration naming criteria)… Fortunately, I have no influence in this sphere. Today, the maddening March traffic has not prevented the timely delivery of some sweet pastry hoops (courtesy of Brent Fontana –donut boy). So come on down, beverage in hand, grab a donut and be careful not to dribble. Happy Friday!

Donut Shop Training Manual

Dear Members and Constituents, When it comes to training, I think there are some universal lesssons to be gleamed from a donut shop employee handbook. If you were not already convinced about the donut's universal appeal, I think these words of wisdom might bring you over to the sweet side of the force. Here are a few taken at random. When presenting reports to management you should procure to represent the bar charts as long johns Under no circumstances (even if dared by another employee) put your hand in the deep fryer To be succesful, you must be familiar with our entire portfolio of donuts. We encourage all our employees to consume as much of our product as possible -on us The question "paper or plastic" has too many syllables. Instead try "cake or glazed" Thou shallt not fritter away the day nor shalt thou throw away apple fritters, they keep for weeks Donuts make people happy. Their absence has been known to, in some exteme cases, be the cause of wi

Donuts Are Here, Dive-In!

Dear Members and Constituents, Are you the type to dive into the ice-cold lake or do you dip your toe in the water and walk-in from the shallow end? Do you rip off the band aid or slowly peel it away from your skin? Is a short yet intense burst of agony better than a long, drawn-out series of lesser pains? While the option you choose may well be a matter of personal preference, I believe the answer also depends on your level of commitment to the activity at hand. If you’re wondering whether the water is too cold to swim in, dipping your toe may well be the way to go. For the record, you will usually find me on the "take the plunge" camp. Today, Shiri Bahar (donut girl) faced a similar dilemma. You see, she is taking the day off. She could have traded days with someone else but that would have only prolonged the process. Instead, she has decided to come-in and be done with it. And now, it’s your turn! To savor a small donut bite-by-bite and make the donut last or to take the

Red Letter Day

Dear Members and Constituents, It’s funny how life seems to throw little clues your way. Words and images jump out to you and patterns emerge out of what might otherwise appear like a random setting. Take today. What a beautiful crisp , clear day this is turning-out to be. The frost spread across the fields like whipped cream on pumpkin pie. Makes one feel like the king of the world. Do not get me wrong, I'm all for democracy, but it would be nice to be monarch for a day. Now take the words in red from the paragraph above and try to decipher the coded message... Crisp... Cream... King... Do not... give up? Krispy Kreme are here today, courtesy of Jeff King, donut boy. So come on down and grab one to make your day even brighter! Happy Friday!

Circular Ramblings

Dear members and constituents, They say that in order to host an Olympiad, a country must go deep into debt. This tidbit seems rather timely, you see, in order for a country to have borrowed, someone must have also lent. Coincidentally, this week marked the beginning of Lent (hopefully none of your Lenten resolutions involve donuts). Of course, donuts are shaped like Olympic medals. I've heard rumors the U.S. women's figure skating team has given-up donuts for Lent -could this keep them off the medal podium? Which brings our argument full circle, the shape of a donut. Speaking of donuts Chris Zajic marks his debut as donut boy today with four dozen delicious LaMar’s medals. So, come take the podium and reward yourself for your achievements. Certainly, making it through the week should count as one of them. Happy Friday!

A Donut Haiku

Dear Members and Constituents, Today's donut e-mail is my feeble attempt at Haiku (with the inspired assistance of Ed Stocker during our car pool and inspired by Google’s latest). Google business ploy Will they be an ISP? Serge and Bren laughing Wireless spectrum China exit strategy Who will call their bluff? Facebook wannabe Twtteratti up in arms This I can believe Jared Brisendine Winchells’ donuts here on time Come enjoy a treat Ok, so I'm no Basho. Happy Friday!

Sticky Donuts

Dear Members and Constituents, If I was asked to find a term that captures the spirit of this week's news headlines, it would have to be the word "stick". From Toyota's recall of cars with accelerators that stick to the floor mat, to accumulation of snow which will stick to the ground in the approaching storm in the north east, to questions as to whether the current economic recovery has enough momentum to stick. AIG executives sticking it to taxpayers by yet again receiving bonuses. Haitians stuck waiting for aid to trickle down from inefficient government processes. Iran's carrot and stick game -attempting to use their rocket launch as a stick against the west while using their less-than-credible offer to accept to stop uranium enrichment in their own soil as a carrot. Yemeni clerics advocating dynamite sticks as carry-on items… Obviously, this message would not be complete without mention of a certain sticky delicacy. The food item in question is usually round

State of the Club

Dear members and constituents, I'm here to tell you today the state of our donut club is strong. Yes we've had some challenges. We've seen membership decline slightly due to misguided New Year's resolutions. On a couple of occasions, donuts have arrived after 8 AM. We even received a threat of a bagel club being formed. Well I say bring it on. Our fiscally conservative policies meant that despite a global economic crisis, every Friday we experienced donut surplus. Our club has no debt and we've done it all without raising taxes. But let us not rest in our laurels. I'd like to challenge each of you to do something more for your club. Tell a friend about us, share a donut, spread the joy of Friday morning sugar bliss. And most importantly don't forget to grab a hot cup of coffee and enjoy a donut for yourself. They're here thanks to Carolyn Reuss (donut girl), so come and grab one (or two, or more) Happy Friday! (P.S. I’d say the lack of booing and hi

Surprise!

Dear Members and Constituents, There’s something about surprises I can’t quite put my finger on. Starting very early in life (peek-a-boo) and through the end of our natural lives (startled man dies of heart attack) surprises can lead to a slew of emotions. Some are bad (say, earthquakes and aftershocks), others can be quite pleasant. The latter was the case this week when Marty Williams presented me with a children’s book about Arnie the Doughnut. I’m thinking this may well be the beginning of a Friday Donut Club’s lending library. In a nutshell, the book is about Arnie, a doughnut who is shocked to discover he was going to be eaten and who through a series of misadventures ends-up becoming Mr. Baker’s pet… Laurie Keller, the author, does a much better (and longer) job of making it sound much more interesting. Just let me know if you wish to borrow it. Speaking of surprises, I was shocked to see LaMar’s donuts are on the menu today –alright, so that’s no surprise at all, they are here

Intereting Donuts for Interesting Times

What a crazy year we’re having so far –and we’re barely two weeks into it. Haiti, Yemen, Afghanistan. Healthcare, Economy, Climate. When President Obama told congress yesterday “trust me, 2010 will not be boring”, I wonder whether the ancient Chinese curse “may you live in interesting times” was echoing in the back of his mind. You say potato, I say tomato (notice the non-Dan Quail spelling on both). You write doughnut, I write donut. Speaking of which, some Friday donut club members prefer LaMar’s, others Krispy Kreme. Well, today both sides of the aisle can have their way… thanks to Stacy Jackson (donut girl). Come on down (or up, or around) and grab yours. Happy Friday!

Of Donuts and Resolutions

Dear Members and Constituents, Happy New Year! A magic time when everything seems possible. A time for fresh beginnings, new perspectives and… resolutions. Ah yes, resolutions, those promises you make while under the influence of the wild optimism permeating the air this time of year. Those self-same utopic promises whose very sanity you question when the euphoria wears-off a few weeks later. If giving-up donuts or running a marathon is your thing this year, more power to you. If, on the other hand you’re like me and have not made any resolutions yet, then let me plant a thought or two in your head. In-fact, here’s ten… Draft Top Ten Proposed Generic New Year’s Resolutions (in no particular order) 10. Start a conversation with a co-worker you don’t usually have the chance to interact with 9. Eat lunch away from your desk at least one day per-week (preferably off-site) 8. Make one Saturday a month “tourist day” by visiting an attraction in town you’ve never been to (but many out-of-t