Donut Shop Training Manual

Dear Members and Constituents,
When it comes to training, I think there are some universal lesssons to be gleamed from a donut shop employee handbook. If you were not already convinced about the donut's universal appeal, I think these words of wisdom might bring you over to the sweet side of the force. Here are a few taken at random.

When presenting reports to management you should procure to represent the bar charts as long johns
Under no circumstances (even if dared by another employee) put your hand in the deep fryer
To be succesful, you must be familiar with our entire portfolio of donuts. We encourage all our employees to consume as much of our product as possible -on us
The question "paper or plastic" has too many syllables. Instead try "cake or glazed"
Thou shallt not fritter away the day nor shalt thou throw away apple fritters, they keep for weeks
Donuts make people happy. Their absence has been known to, in some exteme cases, be the cause of widespread panic, looting and destruction. It is therefore imperative that our business continuity and disaster recovery procedures be followed to the letter

This week Ben Garrard (BC/DR donut boy) takes heed of this last piece of advice, filling-in for Monisha Merchant, who realized too late it's hard to find a donut shop in Lisbon (not to mention the commute). So, there is no need for you to smash or burn anything down. They're here. Come and get yours.
Happy Friday!

Comments

Ashes to Ashes

Friends, I don’t know about you, but my household tends to use things a tad beyond their reasonably useful life. Cars, razors, pillows... heck, we squeezed the last BTU out of our home’s 25 year old thermostat —15 years is for rookies. This week we bid our fire pit farewell. Structurally unstable and rusted to the core, this contrivance was well on its way to returning to the soil. Memories of s’mores, cigars and shared spirits come rushing back, as does the six foot tall cardboard peach burned atop it, which caused the first stress fractures in the waning days of 2019. Good times! I suppose nothing lasts forever, but memories can add a sense of permanence to the fleeting. So go, grab a donut and make some new memories!! Happy Friday!

To an end to Covid Games

Friends, As 2021 comes to an end, it’s time to remember and be grateful for another year of life – there’s much for which to be grateful. Sure, some things could have gone better (they always can), but on balance things were good. At the González household, the cathartic process of capturing this year’s essence to burn at midnight is wrapping-up. This year’s theme, “Covid Games from home” uses Squid games (Netflix’s unlikely breakaway hit) as a way to mock the two main Covid variants of concern (Delta and Omicron) and commiserate about working from home with all the weirdness it carries along. Comfy slippers combined with dressing-up from the waist up for zoom meetings (not to mention the quarantine fifteen). As I hope for lots of snow and no wind (lest we need to call an audible on the midnight burn) my thoughts turn to my friends in Boulder county and hopes for a quick recovery. May 2022 bring an end to confinement and lots of opportunities to share donuts. Happy Friday!

BIrds of a Feather

Friends, The early bird catches the worm, however, as the sun rises I’d much rather have a Denver omelet than a diet of worms . Ready to fly the coop, my ducks all in a row, I ponder one more time whether a bird in hand is truly worth two in the bush. Egged-on by my quest to tuck away a nest egg, I’ve decided to change industries and hope that, like the phoenix, my career will also rise from the ashes of change. After all, I’m no spring chicken –my crow’s feet and gray bely my age – however, I have to trust my judgment and believe you can’t catch this old bird with chaff (whether or not folks think me an odd bird for my actions). And so I shall attempt to soar like an eagle, aware that counting my chickens before they hatch would be ill-advised. As I learn to talk turkey in the language of cybersecurity, I will endeavor not to hide my head in the sand, choosing instead to be like a duck – calm on the surface and paddle like hell underneath! And while my excessive use of bird-inspired

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