Donut Shop Training Manual

Dear Members and Constituents,
When it comes to training, I think there are some universal lesssons to be gleamed from a donut shop employee handbook. If you were not already convinced about the donut's universal appeal, I think these words of wisdom might bring you over to the sweet side of the force. Here are a few taken at random.

When presenting reports to management you should procure to represent the bar charts as long johns
Under no circumstances (even if dared by another employee) put your hand in the deep fryer
To be succesful, you must be familiar with our entire portfolio of donuts. We encourage all our employees to consume as much of our product as possible -on us
The question "paper or plastic" has too many syllables. Instead try "cake or glazed"
Thou shallt not fritter away the day nor shalt thou throw away apple fritters, they keep for weeks
Donuts make people happy. Their absence has been known to, in some exteme cases, be the cause of widespread panic, looting and destruction. It is therefore imperative that our business continuity and disaster recovery procedures be followed to the letter

This week Ben Garrard (BC/DR donut boy) takes heed of this last piece of advice, filling-in for Monisha Merchant, who realized too late it's hard to find a donut shop in Lisbon (not to mention the commute). So, there is no need for you to smash or burn anything down. They're here. Come and get yours.
Happy Friday!

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Donut Doodle Dandy

Dear Members and Constituents, In trying to figure-out Wednesday’s cool-looking Google Doodle ( Jorge Luis Borges’ 112 th birthday ), I stumbled across a list of Google Doodles you’ll never see. This, and a Rockies game later that day, were sufficient inspiration to get my head spinning around what other doodles Google might never noodle? I’m sure you’ll probably have a few ideas of your own, but I was able to come-up with a couple. How about a former Colorado Rockies player whose unfortunate encounter with a moth put him in the news this week? The Matt Holliday doodle might look something like this… Another item which, surprisingly enough, has not been made into a doodle are donuts. Although I was slightly taken aback to find this delicious pastry has not been featured, after the initial disappointment, I decided to take matters into my own hands and take a stab at one (perhaps Google can use it next year for national donut day )… or to celebrate Greek police having “ blown a ho...

Gilding the Donut

Friends, Despite writing about donuts (sort of) for over 20 years, I don’t believe in sugar coating, after all, honesty is the best policy. Gilding, on the other hand I’m good with. Take the church of the Society of Jesus in Quito, (AKA La Compañía). Built in fits and starts between 1597 and 1765, the volcanic rock baroque facade conceals a spectacular interior. I had the chance to go inside this week and although I had heard about the gold leaf work inside, the descriptions had not done it justice. The details from floor to ceiling transport you to another world, perhaps that’s the point. If you’re ever there, be sure to visit. And while you’re there stop by one of the many panaderías … if you’re lucky they might even have a donut. Happy Friday!

The Wrong Word

Friends, Do you ever find yourself starting to say a word, realizing it’s the wrong choice and trying to change it while speaking — making it worse? For me, it’s happened more times than I care to admit. A recurring faux pas for me occurs at the part of the mass where the congregation says “when we eat this bread and drink this cup we proclaim your death, o Lord, until you come again”. For some reason my brain wants to say “profess” instead of “proclaim” — which would essentially mean the same thing. Unfortunately, in my clumsy attempts to fix my mistake mid-word, what comes out sounds like “profane” — totally the wrong vibe. Good thing the entire congregation is saying the same thing in unison. If someone heard me they might think the priest was consecrating a donut, instead of the host. Happy Friday!

Friday Donuts

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