Skip to main content

Annoying e-Mail

Dear Members and Constituents,
From the humble chain letters to the malicious 419 scam (a reference to article in the Nigerian criminal code making it a crime), people continue to send junk e-mail. Sure, some seem harmless enough and yes, they tug at basic emotions (compassion, greed)… but… really? Today I wanted to share some generic examples with you:

1. Google Money (or Microsoft, or Apple or…) for my surgery
Hi, you don’t know me, but I’m [proof of being a good person] on whom some huge evil has befallen [insert ailment]. I’m writing because [Insert giant Tech company name] has offered to pay [$X cents] for every time this e-mail is forwarded. If you don’t forward this you’re sub-human. (this works best if the domain of the company the sender’s e-mail is in is a competitor of the domain of the company giving the money ;o)

2. Threatening inspirational message
Usually a power point with beautiful pictures and music, inspirational words from a poet or religious figure… so far so good. Then, you know it’s coming… the threat. You must wish for something good, tell you it will happen if you forward the e-mail to X people [which may be a tiered approach, 1-5 people: a little good; 6-10: better; 10–15: great; over 15: awesome] tell you a horror story of someone who didn’t forward and assure you this is true for some quasi religious or superstitious reason.

3. Your identity please
[must write in poor English]. Dear. My name is doctor [foreign sounding name]. I have come about money [describe plausible circumstance] and trust you [why?] to help me launder it (alternative: you are my sole heir). Please contact my associate [degree, name] and give him all your identifying information so we can steal your identity [or better yet, send money]. God bless.

My guess is there are still folks out there who can be manipulated by these… Fortunately, you don’t need to worry about this e-mail. It’s purpose is simply to announce donuts have arrived (after all, we are talking donuts, not spam). They are ready to be consumed, courtesy of Nate Meyer (donut boy) and come with no strings attached, no forwarding of this e-mail required, no catch. So come on down and grab one, lest seven years of bad luck befall you. Five dozen angelic donuts await you.

Happy Friday!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

BIrds of a Feather

Friends, The early bird catches the worm, however, as the sun rises I’d much rather have a Denver omelet than a diet of worms . Ready to fly the coop, my ducks all in a row, I ponder one more time whether a bird in hand is truly worth two in the bush. Egged-on by my quest to tuck away a nest egg, I’ve decided to change industries and hope that, like the phoenix, my career will also rise from the ashes of change. After all, I’m no spring chicken –my crow’s feet and gray bely my age – however, I have to trust my judgment and believe you can’t catch this old bird with chaff (whether or not folks think me an odd bird for my actions). And so I shall attempt to soar like an eagle, aware that counting my chickens before they hatch would be ill-advised. As I learn to talk turkey in the language of cybersecurity, I will endeavor not to hide my head in the sand, choosing instead to be like a duck – calm on the surface and paddle like hell underneath! And while my excessive use of bird-inspired

To an end to Covid Games

  Friends, As 2021 comes to an end, it’s time to remember and be grateful for another year of life – there’s much for which to be grateful. Sure, some things could have gone better (they always can), but on balance things were good. At the Gonz├ílez household, the cathartic process of capturing this year’s essence to burn at midnight is wrapping-up. This year’s theme, “Covid Games from home” uses Squid games (Netflix’s unlikely breakaway hit) as a way to mock the two main Covid variants of concern (Delta and Omicron) and commiserate about working from home with all the weirdness it carries along. Comfy slippers combined with dressing-up from the waist up for zoom meetings (not to mention the quarantine fifteen). As I hope for lots of snow and no wind (lest we need to call an audible on the midnight burn) my thoughts turn to my friends in Boulder county and hopes for a quick recovery. May 2022 bring an end to confinement and lots of opportunities to share donuts. Happy Friday!

Ashes to Ashes

  Friends, I don’t know about you, but my household tends to use things a tad beyond their reasonably useful life. Cars, razors, pillows... heck, we squeezed the last BTU out of our home’s 25 year old thermostat —15 years is for rookies. This week we bid our fire pit farewell. Structurally unstable and rusted to the core, this contrivance was well on its way to returning to the soil. Memories of s’mores, cigars and shared spirits come rushing back, as does the six foot tall cardboard peach burned atop it, which caused the first stress fractures in the waning days of 2019. Good times! I suppose nothing lasts forever, but memories can add a sense of permanence to the fleeting. So go, grab a donut and make some new memories!! Happy Friday!