Skip to main content

Top Ten Funny Names in the News

Dear Members and Constituents,

Last week, as I sat in a hospital room reading the paper I had a realization: proper names can sometimes take-on unintended meanings in the feeble minds of the easily-amused (such as myself). Not quite sure what I’m talking about? I will illustrate my point with a sampling of actual names that grabbed my attention this past week.

Top ten funny names taken from recent media stories (or, as I like to say, what were their parents thinking?)

  1. Taco Stein. As I mused on the Aruban solicitor general and his dry cleaning tab (do taco stains come off?), I wondered how many people throughout history have shared his first name. Could it be that a popular fast food chain (which will go unnamed) was founded by a phone company heir -A.G. Bell’s illegitimate son, Taco?
  2. Julia Gillard. Is there a famous music school named after the Australian prime minister’s abbreviated name? (hint: it’s Jiulliard)
  3. Anna Hazare. Not that funny a name, you say. Maybe not, until you find-out this anti-corruption activist whose arrest has spurred protests all across India is not a woman, but a full-fledged man in his seventies.
  4. Jigme Thinley. I think the Bhutanese prime minister has it right. How else would one want to be jigged anyway? Thickley? I think not!
  5. Chip Saltsman. This high sodium deep-fried GOP strategist had me running for the vending machine to seek his namesake.
  6. John Key. There is an old joke that explains the theory of relativity as follows: the duration of a minute depends on which side of the John door you are. Now imagine, if like New Zealand’s prime minister you held the key. Now that’s true power, my friends.
  7. Heinz Fischer. I wonder what sort of fish can be found swimming in ketchup --and where do you find enough of it to go fishing? Unlike the Austrian president, I prefer to catch my fish in more traditional, crystalline media (i.e. water).
  8. Donna Shalala, If like this University of Miami president my school was under NCAA scrutiny for having a booster spend “millions on improper gifts, entertainment and travel for Hurricanes athletes”, I suppose I would want to cover my ears, close my eyes and… well, repeat her name a few times
  9. John Hickenlooper. The governor of our state of Colorado proves you don’t need a regal sounding name to win in the game of politics. John…
  10. Qaboos bin Said. Being named after the last wagon on the train is a sure sign the sultan of Oman must come from a numerous family (or perhaps they’re just railway aficionados). Enough Said (get it?).

While I don’t expect all of these to tickle your funny bone, my hope is you shared my amusement with at least one of them. If not, I have one final weapon in my bag of tricks: donuts. Four dozen, to be precise, courtesy of Thomas Eng who makes his debut as donut boy today. Come put a smile on your face, after the week you’ve had, I’m sure you deserve it!

Happy Friday!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Donut Doodle Dandy

Dear Members and Constituents, In trying to figure-out Wednesday’s cool-looking Google Doodle ( Jorge Luis Borges’ 112 th birthday ), I stumbled across a list of Google Doodles you’ll never see. This, and a Rockies game later that day, were sufficient inspiration to get my head spinning around what other doodles Google might never noodle? I’m sure you’ll probably have a few ideas of your own, but I was able to come-up with a couple. How about a former Colorado Rockies player whose unfortunate encounter with a moth put him in the news this week? The Matt Holliday doodle might look something like this… Another item which, surprisingly enough, has not been made into a doodle are donuts. Although I was slightly taken aback to find this delicious pastry has not been featured, after the initial disappointment, I decided to take matters into my own hands and take a stab at one (perhaps Google can use it next year for national donut day )… or to celebrate Greek police having “ blown a ho...

Donut Hole Alignment

Friends, My predawn attempts to watch the planetary alignment have thus far been met with cloudy skies. The weather forecast through the end of the cosmic event suggests I shall not witness it. And yet, my futile attempts have been rewarded in other ways. The chorus of birds, frogs and insects singing in anticipation of the sun’s glorious rising complement the river’s steady churning. The crisp, fresh air in a desolate town whose citizens are still bidding Morpheus “adieu” caresses my skin while the sweet aroma of petrichor fills my lounges. Deep shadows of centenarian eucalyptus trees slowly recede and give way to the imperceptible progress of the brightening skies. Sure, witnessing those tiny bright spots lined-up in the sky would be pretty cool —like sprinkles on a donut. Speaking of donuts, if you’re ever in Cuenca around the feast of Corpus Christi (which ended yesterday) you need to try the Huevos Chilenos (Chilean Eggs) —think of them as less sweet donut holes. And, if like me t...

Donuts Without Borders

Friends, I believe going anywhere in the world (so long as you abide by the local laws) should be a human right. People should be allowed to wander freely (or vote with their feet whenever a government alienates them). In this, I fully support Doctors Without Borders’ decision to no longer accept funding from the EU due to their immigration policies. Good for them! That said borders can be useful. Take, for instance national sports teams. If there were no borders, events like the summer and winter Olympiads would not exist. Closer to home, those of you who follow soccer are probably tuning-in to the hundredth edition of Copa America , currently under way. Last night the quarter final opener featured both of the teams for which I've been rooting. Who do you cheer for when you know only one of your teams will advance? You can't root for both or you risk becoming a dispassionate observer, so, you either pick one or choose to narrate the game in English (i.e. no 100 MPH narra...