Skip to main content

Smarter Donuts

Friends,
Spammers think I’m dumb. Literally. The preponderance of my spam promotes pills to make me smarter (328% smarter by one account!). The exception was an offer to outfit me with the ultimate power-woman wardrobe –how do they know I don’t have one?— but, I digress. I suppose that means they’ve realized I don’t suffer from E.D., that I’m not interested in a Russian paramour’s risqué pictures, don’t trade on anonymous insider information and don’t care to help them abscond gold from an African autocracy. These pills sound too good to be true. A feeble minded person (IQ ≤70) need only double their IQ to become a genius (IQ ≥140), and even if the alleged 4x IQ boost came from a baseline of severe retardation (IQ 40), the pill taker would become Stephen-Hawking-smart (IQ 160). So, I can’t help but wonder why these spammers are not consuming their own product. If they were, they could surely improve their grammar, imagine a more compelling sales pitch and figure-out a way to prevent their e-mails from being caught by my spam filter. In-fact these guys should be finding a cure for cancer or solving the unified field theory to reconcile general relativity and quantum mechanics; not wasting their potential on the second most despised profession in modern times (politics, obviously, taking first place). Perhaps their product doesn’t do what they say it does --i.e. it’s a scam. How else do you explain the fact the news media have been silent on this great discovery? (and, no, I’m not buying a conspiracy by the liberal elite to silence the fake media they control). Tempting as it sounds, I guess I won’t be taking these pills containing a revolutionary new drug formula, clinically proven to stimulate and enhance my focus and make me smarter. I will, on the other hand be having a donut. These treats from Holy Donuts are so good, they don’t need an e-mail marketing campaign.

Happy Friday!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Bring your own Geiger counter!

Friends, This week’s news were literally radioactive -and I’m not talking about the fallout from the Trump-Putin summit. I’m talking mutate your DNA-exciting news. I’m talking Marie Curie-worthy news. I’m talking Geiger-counter-tilting news. I’m talking… well, you get the (glow in the dark) picture. A study about a lone wolf collared near Chernobyl and tracked on a long trek spawned the headline “ Could Chernobyl Wolves Be Spreading Mutations? ” While one can be forgiven for envisioning a flying wolf with laser eyes and a green aura about it, the disappointing story basically says most mutations are harmful to an animal’s health -and unhealthy animals are unlikely to travel 250 miles and mate with other wolves, contaminating the gene pool. So, much ado about nothing. The desire to open Rocky Flats (a nuclear weapons facility turned wildlife refuge) to the public has triggered some litigation from an environmentalist group. At st...
Post a Comment
Read more

Donut Doodle Dandy

Dear Members and Constituents, In trying to figure-out Wednesday’s cool-looking Google Doodle ( Jorge Luis Borges’ 112 th birthday ), I stumbled across a list of Google Doodles you’ll never see. This, and a Rockies game later that day, were sufficient inspiration to get my head spinning around what other doodles Google might never noodle? I’m sure you’ll probably have a few ideas of your own, but I was able to come-up with a couple. How about a former Colorado Rockies player whose unfortunate encounter with a moth put him in the news this week? The Matt Holliday doodle might look something like this… Another item which, surprisingly enough, has not been made into a doodle are donuts. Although I was slightly taken aback to find this delicious pastry has not been featured, after the initial disappointment, I decided to take matters into my own hands and take a stab at one (perhaps Google can use it next year for national donut day )… or to celebrate Greek police having “ blown a ho...
Post a Comment
Read more

Gilding the Donut

Friends, Despite writing about donuts (sort of) for over 20 years, I don’t believe in sugar coating, after all, honesty is the best policy. Gilding, on the other hand I’m good with. Take the church of the Society of Jesus in Quito, (AKA La Compañía). Built in fits and starts between 1597 and 1765, the volcanic rock baroque facade conceals a spectacular interior. I had the chance to go inside this week and although I had heard about the gold leaf work inside, the descriptions had not done it justice. The details from floor to ceiling transport you to another world, perhaps that’s the point. If you’re ever there, be sure to visit. And while you’re there stop by one of the many panaderías … if you’re lucky they might even have a donut. Happy Friday!
Post a Comment
Read more