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Smarter Donuts

Friends,
Spammers think I’m dumb. Literally. The preponderance of my spam promotes pills to make me smarter (328% smarter by one account!). The exception was an offer to outfit me with the ultimate power-woman wardrobe –how do they know I don’t have one?— but, I digress. I suppose that means they’ve realized I don’t suffer from E.D., that I’m not interested in a Russian paramour’s risqué pictures, don’t trade on anonymous insider information and don’t care to help them abscond gold from an African autocracy. These pills sound too good to be true. A feeble minded person (IQ ≤70) need only double their IQ to become a genius (IQ ≥140), and even if the alleged 4x IQ boost came from a baseline of severe retardation (IQ 40), the pill taker would become Stephen-Hawking-smart (IQ 160). So, I can’t help but wonder why these spammers are not consuming their own product. If they were, they could surely improve their grammar, imagine a more compelling sales pitch and figure-out a way to prevent their e-mails from being caught by my spam filter. In-fact these guys should be finding a cure for cancer or solving the unified field theory to reconcile general relativity and quantum mechanics; not wasting their potential on the second most despised profession in modern times (politics, obviously, taking first place). Perhaps their product doesn’t do what they say it does --i.e. it’s a scam. How else do you explain the fact the news media have been silent on this great discovery? (and, no, I’m not buying a conspiracy by the liberal elite to silence the fake media they control). Tempting as it sounds, I guess I won’t be taking these pills containing a revolutionary new drug formula, clinically proven to stimulate and enhance my focus and make me smarter. I will, on the other hand be having a donut. These treats from Holy Donuts are so good, they don’t need an e-mail marketing campaign.

Happy Friday!

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