Alternative Telecom Definitions

Friends,

In the multiverse, if you can imagine something, it has happened on a parallel planet. Out there, citizens laugh at the terminology we choose to use. As mementos from my trip to one such verse, I bring you some definitions found in their version of Newton’s Telecom Dictionary.

Fiber optic.

Medical services combining digestive health and eye care.

Cell phone.

A device momma amoeba uses to text daddy amoeba her last minute shopping requests, usually when he’s already paying for groceries.

Firewall.

Backdrop where firing squads implement summary executions ordered by revolutionary kangaroo courts. Ready. Aim…

Broadband.

All female musical group from the Bronx.

SIP Trunk.

Idiom used to describe what elephants do with their proboscis during high tea.

Of course, any world worth living in must have donuts. Which reminds me, I need to go grab one.

Happy Friday!

-JP González

720-480-4116

P.S. While today's images were created with the help of DALL·E, an AI system by OpenAI, the text on the other hand was generated by this humble human.

Comments

Donut Doodle Dandy

Dear Members and Constituents, In trying to figure-out Wednesday’s cool-looking Google Doodle ( Jorge Luis Borges’ 112 th birthday ), I stumbled across a list of Google Doodles you’ll never see. This, and a Rockies game later that day, were sufficient inspiration to get my head spinning around what other doodles Google might never noodle? I’m sure you’ll probably have a few ideas of your own, but I was able to come-up with a couple. How about a former Colorado Rockies player whose unfortunate encounter with a moth put him in the news this week? The Matt Holliday doodle might look something like this… Another item which, surprisingly enough, has not been made into a doodle are donuts. Although I was slightly taken aback to find this delicious pastry has not been featured, after the initial disappointment, I decided to take matters into my own hands and take a stab at one (perhaps Google can use it next year for national donut day )… or to celebrate Greek police having “ blown a ho...

Bring your own Geiger counter!

Friends, This week’s news were literally radioactive -and I’m not talking about the fallout from the Trump-Putin summit. I’m talking mutate your DNA-exciting news. I’m talking Marie Curie-worthy news. I’m talking Geiger-counter-tilting news. I’m talking… well, you get the (glow in the dark) picture. A study about a lone wolf collared near Chernobyl and tracked on a long trek spawned the headline “ Could Chernobyl Wolves Be Spreading Mutations? ” While one can be forgiven for envisioning a flying wolf with laser eyes and a green aura about it, the disappointing story basically says most mutations are harmful to an animal’s health -and unhealthy animals are unlikely to travel 250 miles and mate with other wolves, contaminating the gene pool. So, much ado about nothing. The desire to open Rocky Flats (a nuclear weapons facility turned wildlife refuge) to the public has triggered some litigation from an environmentalist group. At st...

A Dozen Rules to Live By

Friends, When it comes to the big questions, there are far too many platitudes, truisms, cliches and BS. Bookshelves are lined with so much advice, you’d think we would have answered them all by now. So, why do people keep doing it? I couldn’t tell you. Whatever the reason, here’s one more exploration to add to the interminable list. I’ve left God out of this post, so these “rules” should come in handy whether you believe life has meaning, or you think purpose is just our prefrontal cortex’s way of sabotaging our limbic system. And, since donuts come in dozens, it felt fitting that my list just happens to have twelve rules. Do it! (what are you waiting for?). Life sometimes feels like a dress rehearsal. So much time spent preparing for the future, there’s little time left to actually live life. Habit, routine and inertia have a way of filling the day. Try something new, who knows, you might enjoy it. Don’t overthink it. But, what to do? Give-in to a...

Friday Donuts

Search This Blog