Where in the world is Kate Middleton?

Friends,

There’s a perfect storm brewing and I’m not talking about the massive amount of snow falling over the Denver area. I’m referring to the mixing of two highly reactive ingredients. On one hand Kate, princess of Wales, absent from the public limelight following her mysterious surgery allegedly posted a clumsily edited photo. On the other “swifties”, whose penchant for following mysterious clues left behind by Ms. Swift has been in need of a new challenge due to a break in Taylor’s schedule. The poor handling of royal communications followed by the ensuing wild speculation by the hoards of bored gen Zers has been fun to watch. Is she horribly disfigured? Is she leaving William? Is she dead? While the truth is probably more mundane (she’s convalescing), conspiracy theories are so much more fun. And, since all one really needs is a fig leaf of plausibility to create one, I’d like to fabricate my own: I believe Catherine had a compliance chip implanted against her will. The chip’s purpose was to make her more docile and receptive to William’s outlandish views and bedroom quirks. Unfortunately, an unforeseen neural pathway rejection is causing her to experience symptoms similar to Tourette’s (she obviously can't be seen in public, who knows what she'll say next!). That and the unsightly post-operative bald patch and scar tissue have meant having to keep her locked in the dungeon longer than originally planned. Either that or she's been over-indulging her donut habit and had to be sent away to weight reduction camp. Either way, get the popcorn ready for the next episode in this ongoing royal saga.
Happy Friday!

P.S. Here's an undoctored photo to help you celebrate Ides of March! Et tu, Kate?

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Friday Donuts

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