Skip to main content

Mystery Monday Donuts

Dear Members and Constituents,
On the 250th week of the Friday Donut Club, snow prevented us from sharing the sweet flavor of donuts. Today, a mystery benefactor has left three dozen donuts at my desk. Also, a mystery sign (presumably by the aforementioned benefactor) reads "Donuts??!! A little bit of snow & no donuts? WTF?". Speaking of mysteries, another mystery surrounding our break room supplies has started to unravel. I ran into a Eurest employee re-stocking our break-room this week and inquired about the conspicuous absence of plasticware inventory. Plasticware, you know, that utilitarian category of break-room supplies made-up of spoons, knives and forks. Apparently, Eurest has been asked to stop stocking plasticware in the break-rooms. No need to rub your eyes, you read correctly.

My first instinct was to assume this was a cost-cutting measure, so I took a stab at calculating the savings. Shall we?
A 10 second Google search revealed 1,000 forks cost $15.52 online. Let's say with transportation costs and mark-ups we pay $20 per 1,000 or $0.02 for each item of plasticware. There are ~5,200 of us, and for argument's sake let's say even home-based workers have an opportunity to use said company-supplied plasticware. If 33% of the employee population uses a piece of plasticware every day, the company consumes 1,716 daily pieces of plasticware (let's round-up to 2,000 to avoid false precision). That's a savings of $40 per business day. With 250 business days in a year (five business days a week, fifty two weeks in a year, minus ~10 holidays), that adds-up to $10,000 in annual plasticware savings! In a vacuum, that sounds pretty good, right? OK, who am I kidding here. In practice, it would take the average employee wasting 5 minutes A YEAR fretting over how to eat their meal for the savings to be squandered away (in case you're wondering, I assumed an average annual salary per-EO of $50,000, which I believe to be very conservative).

This move must therefore NOT be about the cost savings. We are a rational company with sensible leaders who surely would have weighed the trade-offs, so clearly there must be some other agenda at play. Perhaps, it's an attempt to join the green movement? It stands to reason less disposable supplies will translate into a lower likelihood of waste going to our landfills. I think, however, I've bored you with enough math for one day, so we'll just have to take it on faith and leave it at that.

Fortunately, you don't require any form of ware (plastic, silver or otherwise) to eat a donut. Our mystery donut person (I have confirmed it's not Greg F, Friday's regularly scheduled donut boy) delights us today with a vast selection of three dozen delicious LaMar's donuts (and, assuming (s)he paid somewhere between $5.99 - $9.99 per-dozen, it cost under $30!).
Happy Fri... ahem, Mystery Monday!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Family and Friends

Friends,
I’m trying to maximize the time I spend with friends and family while in Ecuador. My dad had nine siblings, my wife’s dad 15. As you might imagine, my cousins and their families are fairly numerous (despite the fact five of my dad’s brothers didn’t marry or have children). Then there’s my wife’s family and my childhood friends. Needless to say, there is never enough time to see everyone, despite a valiant effort. Of course, I’m also working from “home”. Corny as it may sound, working half a world away, I realize I miss my Windstream “family” and I look forward to seeing you soon. In the meantime, there are donuts, here today courtesy of John Huddleston.  So, enjoy some comfort food with regards from my Cuenca family (pictured) to you!

White Flour Donuts of Color

Friends, As a whiteperson of color, I’ve always been somewhat irked by the compulsion to categorize people into neat boxes. Most people don’t fit neatly into boxes. When given a choice between “white” or “Hispanic” (check one), I realized these boxes provide a false choice.  Why does the government care what category I opt into? The way I see it, these questions on so many forms probably don’t cause division and social injustice, but they do keep the conversation going. I propose a write-in campaign (similar to elections). Most of these forms now contain an “Other” field where you can write-in your ethnic or racial background. What if we all wrote-in “Transracial”. If one or two of us do it, no big deal. If it catches-on, maybe someone will take notice and report on how silly this categorization variable is. Speaking of boxes, a dozen donut box is sitting in its usual spot, so come get your transracial self some sugar!
Happy Friday!

Of Mergers and Donuts

Friends, This week marked the completion of CenturyLink’s acquisition of Level 3. This transaction combines my most recent former employers accounting for 17 years of my career. It gives Level 3 the opportunity to rid itself of the brackets in its logo (the universal symbol for negative financial results) and CenturyLink the opportunity to rid itself of Glen Post.  As the two companies work to integrate, they will have several considerations to make. A name. If recent history is any indication, the name will likely be CenturyLink. Still, we in the peanut gallery like to contemplate the possibilities. Since a century is 100 years, why not combine the numbers in both companies’ names. How about we call the company 300 (100 x 3) --a valiant, yet doomed group of people.Integration. Having unofficially coined the terms red and blue network when executives said we have to stop using the terms Level 3 and Global Crossing networks, I feel like the conventio…