Skip to main content

Mystery Monday Donuts

Dear Members and Constituents,
On the 250th week of the Friday Donut Club, snow prevented us from sharing the sweet flavor of donuts. Today, a mystery benefactor has left three dozen donuts at my desk. Also, a mystery sign (presumably by the aforementioned benefactor) reads "Donuts??!! A little bit of snow & no donuts? WTF?". Speaking of mysteries, another mystery surrounding our break room supplies has started to unravel. I ran into a Eurest employee re-stocking our break-room this week and inquired about the conspicuous absence of plasticware inventory. Plasticware, you know, that utilitarian category of break-room supplies made-up of spoons, knives and forks. Apparently, Eurest has been asked to stop stocking plasticware in the break-rooms. No need to rub your eyes, you read correctly.

My first instinct was to assume this was a cost-cutting measure, so I took a stab at calculating the savings. Shall we?
A 10 second Google search revealed 1,000 forks cost $15.52 online. Let's say with transportation costs and mark-ups we pay $20 per 1,000 or $0.02 for each item of plasticware. There are ~5,200 of us, and for argument's sake let's say even home-based workers have an opportunity to use said company-supplied plasticware. If 33% of the employee population uses a piece of plasticware every day, the company consumes 1,716 daily pieces of plasticware (let's round-up to 2,000 to avoid false precision). That's a savings of $40 per business day. With 250 business days in a year (five business days a week, fifty two weeks in a year, minus ~10 holidays), that adds-up to $10,000 in annual plasticware savings! In a vacuum, that sounds pretty good, right? OK, who am I kidding here. In practice, it would take the average employee wasting 5 minutes A YEAR fretting over how to eat their meal for the savings to be squandered away (in case you're wondering, I assumed an average annual salary per-EO of $50,000, which I believe to be very conservative).

This move must therefore NOT be about the cost savings. We are a rational company with sensible leaders who surely would have weighed the trade-offs, so clearly there must be some other agenda at play. Perhaps, it's an attempt to join the green movement? It stands to reason less disposable supplies will translate into a lower likelihood of waste going to our landfills. I think, however, I've bored you with enough math for one day, so we'll just have to take it on faith and leave it at that.

Fortunately, you don't require any form of ware (plastic, silver or otherwise) to eat a donut. Our mystery donut person (I have confirmed it's not Greg F, Friday's regularly scheduled donut boy) delights us today with a vast selection of three dozen delicious LaMar's donuts (and, assuming (s)he paid somewhere between $5.99 - $9.99 per-dozen, it cost under $30!).
Happy Fri... ahem, Mystery Monday!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Happy New Year!

  Friends, Happy new year (and, technically, still Friday). As many of you know, my household has a peculiar way of ringing-in the new year. We build effigies representing the old year and burn them at midnight. This year, although we made the tough call of canceling the accompanying annual party, I felt it was important to go ahead with the burning. The theme, of course, was CoVid. My kids and I developed a dozen mutations of the virus and staged them in our backyard. Then, at a quarter ‘till midnight, we proceeded to read the old year’s last will and testament (or, as might be expected for a year like this, an un-will and un-testament). Shortly thereafter they were summarily burned. We then proceeded to stay up way past my bedtime (which in part helps explain the unusual tardiness of my weekly note). In any event a couple of donuts and a day of rest have got me back to my old self. By the way, I’ve posted a public video of the Facebook live stream event on Facebook. Key markers on

THE Oasis

Friends, The book  Ready Player One  sent me down memory lane this week. The journey was not triggered by the author’s excessive references to the 1980s, which border on obsessive. Rather, it was the name of the massive virtual reality simulation used by characters in this dystopian future to escape their grim surroundings: The OASIS. You see, that was also the name of my grandfather’s country estate, the setting where a disproportionate share of my treasured childhood memories were created.  La Quinta Oasis was a bucolic old whitewashed house with a massive stone staircase, three foot thick adobe walls and wooden window shutters that, when closed at night, would submerge the residence in pitch darkness. With no running water, electricity, phone or indoor plumbing, the only modern convenience was the battery transistor radio on which my uncles would listen to “Chucho el Roto”, a radio soap opera. The Spanish fighting roosters crowed long before sunrise, making it difficult to fall back

Accidental Culinary Innovations

Friends, Have you ever inadvertently fermented spaghetti sauce? Yeah, me neither… until yesterday, that is! Imagine my surprise when the half-full bottle, sitting in the fridge from time immemorial, made a sound akin to opening a beer bottle, instantly filling the glass container with a hazy smoke. As the carbonation dissipated, I grabbed a spoon to conduct the obligatory taste test. How was it? I’m glad you asked! Let’s just say chunky carbonated tomato beer is not my thing (although I must admit that if I had been expecting it, my reaction might have been a little more… composed). Now, if you forgo the fermentation and switch the tomato paste with spicy salsa… that might be the next million dollar idea! Sparkling sriracha anyone? How about Carbonated Cholula?   Bubbly Habanero? Fizzy JalapeƱo?? I could go on, but I have a feeling Gassy Guac might not fly off the shelves. Now, if only I could stumble on a way to improve donuts. Carbonated Jelly filling… yeah, maybe not. I think I’ll