Friday Donuts

Dear Members and Constituents, A re b izarre C ompositions  d ead? E xtinct f orever? G one? Has industrialization jauntily killed lyricism? Methinks not. Our proposal quietly reveals something there… unseen verses willingly ‘xposing youthful zeitgeist. After briefly considering despair –embracing failure, going home– It just kept lingering, my notion of providing quality reading, sorting these unruly vain words ‘xcruciatingly, yes, zealously alphabetized. Boldly celebrating donuts, everyone’s favorite guilty habit, is Julius¹, keenly leveraging Matt². Not one pastry quashed. Ravenously swallow this unusual variety, with ‘xhilarating yummy zest! Happy Friday! ¹ Julius Pasion (donut boy) ² Matt Hawthorne, who delivered donuts on Julius’ behalf. The latter is working from home today to care for his newborn child. Congratulations to the new dad! P.S. Those reading on a device without formatting support may be questioning my sanity. What could possibly be driving my word a

Dear Members and Constituents, The script for the current shenanigans between Israel and Iran seems borrowed from the pages of Spy vs. Spy. With tit-for-tat targeted attacks, it's open season on nuclear scientists and diplomatic staff. The latest episode has Thailand trying to tout itself as a tourist attraction, not a spot for terrorist attacks. Whilst the love-crazy were giving their sweethearts sticky bonbons this week, these crazies were playing like retards with sticky bombs. Speaking of sticky and sweet, donuts have finally arrived. Kelly Becker (donut girl) made a brief appearance this morning, taking time off from moonlighting as an international woman of mystery (why else would she be taking Friday off?) to hand the “packages” to her “contact”. While the transaction was almost botched, they managed to pull it off and donuts are here. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to come over to the new secret FDC headquarters and blast your taste buds into bliss. Ha

Dear Members and Constituents, My office move is complete. I am fully unpacked and my new office feels 20 pounds lighter. I took the opportunity to do some early Spring cleaning a couple of weeks ahead of the season (in case you were wondering, I did shred all those ten-year-old “proprietary and confidential” documents –just in case). We’ll see how long my organization, cleanliness and new office smell last. I am aware this move may be causing folks in my new row consternation about foot traffic and property values –and confusion for donut club members everywhere. For the former, there is not much I can do (except to ask them to trust the benefits will outweigh the costs). For the latter, that is you loyal FDC members, I have created this treasure map to help navigate your way to the new location (as should be customary in pirate maps, donuts mark the spot). Speaking of confusion, John Schoder (donut boy) was a little waylaid on his way here, but has finally arrived. He makes

Dear Members and Constituents, Did you watch the Super Bowl last night? Regardless of which team you were rooting for -you have to pick a team in order to care- the commercials were, as expected, overrated. Yes there are a couple of exceptions: M&Ms "that kind of party" and the Hyundai cheetah race were two of my favorites. Still, most companies chose to play it safe –not always the best strategy (ask any football fan watching their team give-up a big lead by allowing short passes to protect against deep routes). I will also grant you the surprise ending of the VW Ferris Bueller commercial was a pleasant surprise (I'm a sucker for Darth Vader using the force to strangle people). As for the rest of the commercials, I think I've forgotten them already (much like the Patriots probably want to forget the Giants). This fine Monday morning, Ed Stocker has done anything but play it safe. After giving-up an early lead on Friday (he fell prey to the classic blizzar

Dear Members and Constituents, I think it was Albert Einstein who said time is relative. I have to assume this truism also applies to the other half of the time-space continuum (namely distance). Whether Sunday’s Super Bowl match becomes game of inches remains to be seen, however, in building the case for the relativity of space, I have a couple of examples for you. After six years in the same office, I will be moving twenty five steps away from my current desk next Wednesday (to 32C-510). To most FDC members, that will mean your round trip to grab a donut will be extended by 30 steps. I have to believe this change in your morning donut commute will have little or no effect on your consumption or willingness to partake (if anything, the added exercise should encourage you to compensate for those extra burned calories with an extra donut). On the other hand, I’m willing to bet the foot of snow we had overnight and the prospect of another foot today (admittedly a much smaller “d