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Gee, had donuts arrived earlier, I'd have had two already

Dear Members and Constituents,

The script for the current shenanigans between Israel and Iran seems borrowed from the pages of Spy vs. Spy. With tit-for-tat targeted attacks, it's open season on nuclear scientists and diplomatic staff. The latest episode has Thailand trying to tout itself as a tourist attraction, not a spot for terrorist attacks. Whilst the love-crazy were giving their sweethearts sticky bonbons this week, these crazies were playing like retards with sticky bombs.
Speaking of sticky and sweet, donuts have finally arrived. Kelly Becker (donut girl) made a brief appearance this morning, taking time off from moonlighting as an international woman of mystery (why else would she be taking Friday off?) to hand the “packages” to her “contact”. While the transaction was almost botched, they managed to pull it off and donuts are here. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to come over to the new secret FDC headquarters and blast your taste buds into bliss.
Happy Friday!

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