Donut Update - Severity 3 - Observations on human behavior

Friends,

Wednesday’s email flurry coincided with the last day of my weeklong vacation. My brief backlog panic was followed by smirks as I sampled and catalogued the ensuing barrage –that is, of course, until IT intervened to put an end to the fun. As I see it, the responses fell into four discreet categories:

Clueless. The most common response, by far, was some variant of “remove me from this list” (I actually prefer the more effective “Remove me from this list NOW”). Needless to say, the “reply all” approach combined with a basic misunderstanding of what was actually happening was rather amusing.
Helpful-not-helpful. Be it the response to all asking folks to please stop responding to all; the multiple (misguided) instructional guides on what to do in this situation or the creative subject line changes (“STOP REPLYING TO ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” or, my favorite subject line, “Are you people insane! I have had to delete over 400 emails just hit REPLY--NOT REPLY TO ALL”). These well-meaning folks forgot the first rule of spelunking: when you find yourself in a hole, stop digging!
Funny. By far my favorite category. There were memes (dinner for schmucks’ Therman saying “I release you”; the photo of Willy Wonka with “oh, you hate it when people reply all? Please reply all and tell me how much”; office space’s Steve Lundberg “mmm, yeah, could you stop hitting ‘reply all’, that’d be great” and the office’s Dwight Schrute with “100+ reply all’s, I think we need to get HR involved in this”). There were the chain letter references (although not that funny). There was sarcasm (at least I hope it was). And the fan favorite “My phone is vibrating so much I’m moving it to my front pocket”.
The rest of us. Whether deliberate or because it had all gone down before normal office hours in the mountain time zone, I’d say about 95% of the company did the right thing and stayed out of the fray. That said, having 5% call-to-action response rates is pretty good! Maybe there is a lesson for our outbound campaigns (then again, annoying prospects may not be the best approach).

I expect this email, announcing the weekly donut arrival won’t elicit that kind of response, but if it does, you can rest assured I’ll have a large grin on my face.

Happy Friday!

Comments

Ashes to Ashes

Friends, I don’t know about you, but my household tends to use things a tad beyond their reasonably useful life. Cars, razors, pillows... heck, we squeezed the last BTU out of our home’s 25 year old thermostat —15 years is for rookies. This week we bid our fire pit farewell. Structurally unstable and rusted to the core, this contrivance was well on its way to returning to the soil. Memories of s’mores, cigars and shared spirits come rushing back, as does the six foot tall cardboard peach burned atop it, which caused the first stress fractures in the waning days of 2019. Good times! I suppose nothing lasts forever, but memories can add a sense of permanence to the fleeting. So go, grab a donut and make some new memories!! Happy Friday!

To an end to Covid Games

Friends, As 2021 comes to an end, it’s time to remember and be grateful for another year of life – there’s much for which to be grateful. Sure, some things could have gone better (they always can), but on balance things were good. At the González household, the cathartic process of capturing this year’s essence to burn at midnight is wrapping-up. This year’s theme, “Covid Games from home” uses Squid games (Netflix’s unlikely breakaway hit) as a way to mock the two main Covid variants of concern (Delta and Omicron) and commiserate about working from home with all the weirdness it carries along. Comfy slippers combined with dressing-up from the waist up for zoom meetings (not to mention the quarantine fifteen). As I hope for lots of snow and no wind (lest we need to call an audible on the midnight burn) my thoughts turn to my friends in Boulder county and hopes for a quick recovery. May 2022 bring an end to confinement and lots of opportunities to share donuts. Happy Friday!

BIrds of a Feather

Friends, The early bird catches the worm, however, as the sun rises I’d much rather have a Denver omelet than a diet of worms . Ready to fly the coop, my ducks all in a row, I ponder one more time whether a bird in hand is truly worth two in the bush. Egged-on by my quest to tuck away a nest egg, I’ve decided to change industries and hope that, like the phoenix, my career will also rise from the ashes of change. After all, I’m no spring chicken –my crow’s feet and gray bely my age – however, I have to trust my judgment and believe you can’t catch this old bird with chaff (whether or not folks think me an odd bird for my actions). And so I shall attempt to soar like an eagle, aware that counting my chickens before they hatch would be ill-advised. As I learn to talk turkey in the language of cybersecurity, I will endeavor not to hide my head in the sand, choosing instead to be like a duck – calm on the surface and paddle like hell underneath! And while my excessive use of bird-inspired

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