Friday Donuts

Friends, This is post #1,000 to the Friday Donuts blog, can you believe it? Granted, there have been more Fridays than posts (all my Qwest Friday donut club posts and most of the first year of Level 3 Friday donut club posts were lost). Still, there's something about big round numbers that calls for dramatic acknowledgement.  Someone once asked me if I ever feel lazy and do reruns. The truth is that while I may subconsciously do variations on certain themes (space, philosophy, news, morality, humor, poetry), I always try to keep these notes as fresh and original as possible. I've also been asked if I have a favorite post. Well, I don't but I figured this momentous occasion warrants a retrospective. If you have the time, a warm beverage and a donut, I've curated a few above-average posts. A word of caution, reading these may take you down Alice in Wonderland's proverbial donut hole. If not, I hope you at least have a donut. In any event, without further ado, here...

Friends, As we begin the Chinese year of the fire horse (not firehose as some would have you believe), it felt appropriate to lean-in to the fire theme and give up ice for lent. It should be good for the environment, after all it takes energy to freeze water. It can also serve as a small form of civil protest to the atrocities being committed by this nefarious agency. I can hear myself saying it already: “water, no ICE”. I suppose this would also apply to the icing on the cake donuts. So, what size is ICE as it continues to metastasize? Hard to say, but we may only be seeing the tip of the iceberg. It’s gotten so bad that when National Geographic was promoting an article on black ice, I thought it was a PR stunt trying to clean up the agency’s image. Turns out it was about slippery roads, not the slippery slope our government a[[ears to be on. Whatever your lenten sacrifice might be (if anything), I hope we can all agree to say “neigh” to abusive masked men dehumanizing immig...

Friends, Superstition dictates what you’re not supposed to do on Friday the 13th. Travel, get married, start a new venture. I think adding workouts to the list would not be a stretch. After all, going to the gym these days feels like a TV crime drama. It’s not just the muscular tattooed guys and gals that would be right at home in a 70s prison yard scene. There’s the individually shrink wrapped and vacuum sealed butt cheeks being preserved for evidence. The sixty-something gang chatting it up and obviously up to no good. And let’s not forget all the people wiping their fingerprints off of everything they touch. You can see the potential for unfortunate events transpiring. Much safer to grab yourself a donut and stay out of harm’s way. Happy Friday! Apropos travel, I really hope the duck tape is on the jetway, not my plane

Friends, When it comes to networking, I’m in the remedial category. Small talk is not my forte, giving and accepting praise feels awkward, and keeping in touch is a struggle. I certainly don’t deserve the random acts of kindness folks bestow on me on a surprisingly regular basis. Don’t get me started on the thoughtful gifts — the lion’s share of which revolves around donuts. From the anonymous “donut whisperer” shirt I wore to tatters to the donut-shaped mug that graces my desk, the thought that someone would go out of their way to buy me something is humbling. Then there’s the next level: crafts. Which brings me to the latest addition to my donut-themed paraphernalia collection. My good friend and esteemed colleague Beth Keserauskis found some donut-patterned canvas and decided to apply her advanced sewing skills to make me a tote. Now I can shop for donuts in style! All I can say is: I must have done something right with my life, that’s the only way I can explain being surrounded by ...

Friends, One likes to think proficiency and results are the way to reach the top. Do good and the world will do good by you. Right? But that’s not always the way the world works. In real life some good people get held back while incompetence (or worse) often fails up. Case in point: the star of the apprentice. How the heck did he get to the oval? Or, take murder, the quintessential activity where you’re rewarded for failure. Succeed and you’re in the slammer for life. Fail (i.e., attempted murder) and you’ll get a much lighter sentence. Fortunately, when it comes to donuts, the reward is instantaneous. All you have to do is order and, bam, instant gratification. and so it is that, I raise my coffee and donut to all you “slow and steady wins the race” folks out there. I take solace in knowing there’s so many more of us. Happy Friday! ​

  Note : for best results, I recommend you turn on your rapper brain before reading this.  Friends, On this fine day I’d like to say, nay propose, you should read this using lyrical prose.  As I see the AFC’s final game, the Broncos should all the same send the visiting team from whence they came, with a loss to their name. Even with Nix nixed for the season, the defense is the reason we’ve made it this far (not a single star). So, as a footnote, even though footage shows Bo lost his footing, injuring his foot when a Bills safety couldn’t safely tackle him, the backup quarterback will bring the Broncos back to the Super Bowl, y’all! It may be the donuts I ate talking, but I think this is a team of fate. I know this note is late, sorry it's so tardy, but it’s time the Lombardi landed at mile high.  Happy Friday!

Friends, Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: what’s a donut lover’s favorite day of the week? Fry-day. Get it? It all makes sense now. Right? Here’s hoping you have a delightful day and you get a chance to put the fry back in Friday. Cheers!

Friends, Picture this clickbait: Narcissistic dictator known for ignoring the rule of law, his long-winded, often nonsensical discourse, and a contempt for the truth, snatched and flown-in to face justice. Now imagine reading this in Canada. You might be forgiven for momentarily thinking the Mounties finally crossed the border and put the orange man in an orange jumpsuit. Of course, we all know what really happened, and despite the spectacular mishandling of the situation, I’m glad to see Maduro behind bars. Speaking of Canada, Southwest Airlines does not fly to Toronto, but if you search tor a flight, they will show you itineraries to ONT (Ontario, California). One might be forgiven for thinking it’s another nearby airport and booking a much cheaper trip. Assuming you don’t fall for the ploy, once downtown YYZ, the donut holes at Greta Arcade Bar are pretty, pretty good. Happy Friday!

Happy New Year, Friends! My household likes to ring in the new year by figuratively burning away the year that was. Picking a suitable effigy that is both relatable and fun can get a little tricky. Politicians and dead celebrities often provide good fodder, but this time I wanted to go in a different direction. Enter the brazen eight-minute heist of the crown jewels at the Louvre. In case you missed it, a four-man crew disguised as construction workers used a cherry picker, angle grinders and scooters to go in and out in a flash. And, since my wife and I had a chance to case — I mean to visit — the palace this year, it felt perfect. That’s how the idea of the Monalisa getting held up came to life. In the process I was able to work-in six seven as part of the treasure being stolen. If you’re over 17, google it (and if you’re already familiar with the meme, google it anyway, the screen effect that presents the results will give you a smirk). Here are a few photos of the event for y...