Friday Donuts

Dear Members and Constituents, On the threshold of the twenty-teens, my thoughts turn to  the old year. A year where the media showed us some of the best, worst and odd in mankind. Human curiosity landed an aptly named rover on Mars’ surface while folks in the UK celebrated the Olympics and their queen’s diamond anniversary. Human depravity brought incomprehensible tales of gore from Syria to poor Jessica Ridgeway; from Newtown to Aurora. Meanwhile “superstorm” Sandy, proved nature is still capable of inspiring awe.  The world didn’t end despite gangam style reaching a billion views and all the maddening election ads. And so it is that we look forward to a Super Bowl ring in 2013 (how about them Broncos?). Unfortunately, this morning we cannot look forward to pastry rings. Zach Przybeck is sick today and wishes me to relay his most sincere apologies. Nonetheless, I wish you and yours a happy new year, filled with adventure and donuts. Happy Friday!

Dear Members and Constituents, The day is here, the time has come so have no fear, this could be fun! As Mayans turn their big round stone the old Baktun has come and gone. With weather brisk -at thirty four, burned to a crisp? Don't be a bore! And so it is that we move on On with our biz, and on and on We'll take our leave –and most with pay!— from Christmas Eve to New Year's Day Enjoy the time we still have left with friends so fine, perhaps some gifts but wait, not yet, just hold your horse we can’t forget one thing, of course It’s donut day and Laura Heinsohn has done just great, so come and have some!   Happy Friday!

[Posted by Ed Stocker in JP's absence]   Dear Members and Constituents, This last week saw a unique event.  December 12 was probably the last time in our life we will see a date that is the same across the day, month and year (next Stop January 1, 2101).  Or, if you believe the Mayans, it definitely is the last time since the world is ending on 12/21.  I wonder if they meant to stop on 12/12 and just got the day reversed? Is it a coincidence that this week had a once in a life time date 12/12/12 and we have 3 dozen donuts? Could this be what the Mayan were going for when they ended their calendar? I don’t know the answer to that, but, I do know JP is out today and the donuts are in!  Stop by and pick one up thanks to our Donut Boy, Mon Miah, who has delivered 3 dozen LaMar’s donuts.

Dear Members and Constituents, What's your passion? In this world of “blink and you missed it”, time seems to be the scarcest of resources. Important tasks go undone and dreams unfulfilled. If mortgage payments were no more and food was guaranteed, what would you do? I’m not talking about a scenario where the Maya were right and you’ve got two weeks to cram it all in. I’m just saying, absent the practical realities of life, would you change anything? Would you continue to perform the exact same tasks in the exact same way? Would you spend fifty hours at the office or would you travel the world with your family and volunteer more with your friends? Would you have the same job and hobbies or would you spend more time sitting on an oak rocking chair, under the shade of an oak tree, watching the squirrels eat oak acorns? Which reminds me, Mike Robles (this morning's donut boy –whose last name is the Spanish word for “oaks”) has delivered four dozen Winchell’s donuts. While his

Dear members and constituents, I must admit to having my head in the clouds this week. Start with the beautiful full moon, add the spectacular sunsets and throw in the rocky mountains and you have all the necessary ingredients for a gorgeous view. And then, beyond the mountains, the clouds and the moon, there is space. You think we would have reached the limits of human exploration by now, but no. From ice being found on Mercury to the discovery of a black hole 17 billion times more massive than the sun which makes-up 14% of a galaxy’s mass, I am astounded at the things they keep finding. Back on earth, we have four dozen delicious LaMar’s donuts, courtesy of Tom Langer (donut boy), so swing-by for some rocket fuel. It’s the perfect recipe to get your head  in the right place. Happy Friday!

Dear Members and Constituents, On this Thanksgiving eve (and yes, I do realize it is not Friday), I thought I would share with you the top ten list of things for which I’m grateful. Lack of control . If everything happened the way I would like, there would never be any pleasant surprises. Celebrities . They serve as a reminder of all the ways my life could go astray if only I had everything I want. Clouds . I love the fanciful shapes which set my imagination free and the twilight metamorphosis of color which transforms their daylight monochrome personas into impressionistic paintings. Touch . This underrated sense enhances my experiential tapestry giving me the ability to sense the warmth of a cheek or the smoothness of a caress. The prick of a thorn or the squishiness of play dough. Minor infirmities . It’s so easy to take so much for granted. There is nothing like a twisted ankle to help us appreciate mobility. If it weren’t for headaches, how could I appreciate the lack

Dear Members and Constituents, Merry Christmas! With not one, but two radio stations in Denver now dedicating the entirety of their programming to Holiday hits, it’s no wonder nobody makes Thanksgiving tunes. I get that our conspicuous consumerist society needs theme music to power us through the rigors of exhaustive shopping in this its flagship season. I get that it’s cold and folks want a the comfort of timeless feel-good songs to get through the shorter days. Still, is it just me or have we gone overboard? I mean, if you want to extend the season, why not go into January when the days are shorter and the weather colder (not to mention you give the wise men time to arrive at the manger on Epiphany). Could it be the presents have already been purchased and delivered, so no shopping theme song is needed? Perhaps. Then again, perhaps my critique is altogether misplaced. What was not misplaced is Laura  Fronckiewicz’s enthusiasm on this her debut as donut girl. She delights us this m

Dear Members and Constituents, Picture yourself at a Sushi restaurant. You're informed of a twenty minute wait so you sit down at the lobby. Having scoured the place for something to read you come upon a couple of choices. Not in the mood for Westword, you start reading the latest issue of Latin Life Denver magazine. No big deal, right? Now what if the magazine were called White Life Denver? Whoa! Would you pick it up and read it? Or would you have second thoughts, afraid of what you might find inside (or what others might think if they saw you reading it)? Why is it that White as an ethnic reference calls to mind a hate group whereas it's culturally acceptable to use just about any other ethnic reference with a positive connotation?   When it comes to donuts, they certainly are manifest in a variety of cultural incarnations (as evidenced by this photo of a couple of colleagues enjoying some Zeppole in Seattle this week), fortunately, none of them have negative connota

Dear Members and Constituents, Disney's recent acquisition of Lucasfilms makes me wonder what synergistic new titles might be in our future. With the Star Wars sequel trilogy going into high gear in 2015 and a movie every two years thereafter, the possibilities seem limitless -and that's not counting Indiana Jones. Aside from the obvious Episode Seven: The steamboat Jedi , this morning I thought I'd suggest a few ideas for the new studio overlords. The beauty and the beast. A documentary outlining the relationship between princess Padme and Anakin Skywalker. Jar-Jar's Jawas. A made-for-the-Disney Channel sitcom, featuring George Lucas' most irritating creations. Christopher Robin and the Raiders of the Lost Honeypot. Yoda and Kermit sing the blues. Featuring a mix of beloved songs like It's not easy being green and fresh new hits like the new rap single There is no try (the do or do not song) Indiana Jones and the zombie apocalypse. Indiana Jones. Zo

Dear Members and Constituents, Reading a can of can of Clorox Spring Mist Disinfecting Spray a couple of days ago, I was struck by a discovery (I will let you draw your own conclusions as to how I came to be reading this material—suffice it to say that it didn’t involve the higher levels of Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs). I discovered the fine print on the can states “it is a violation of federal law to use this product in a manner inconsistent with its labeling”. I could certainly understand if such use would void any warranty, but violating federal law seems a bit much. After all, there are other federal and state laws covering a broad range of dos and don’ts, are there not? Shouldn’t that be enough? Must I now be afraid of a lawsuit if, as the product labeling states, I don’t let the surface remain wet for 10 minutes before wiping it clean? (who does that anyway?). Seems a tad extreme. And what’s the penalty? I don’t know, the can didn’t say. So as you come over to my des

Dear Members and Constituents, Like a shooting star crossing the sky in a fleeting flash of light, our stay on planet Earth can sometimes feel brief. From that chance encounter of two cells uniting, making us our unique quirky selves until we exhale that last breath, setting the stage for our cells to fall apart. The mad rush of this modern world can hypnotize us and mess up our priorities. We dash in the pursuit of happiness not realizing happiness is often a byproduct of doing the right thing. The hustle and bustle can sometimes make us forget to enjoy the ride. Take this morning for example. In my rush to get into the office with enough time to write this note, I totally forgot I had agreed to buy donuts for Andrea Pierantozzi (donut girl) -who is out of town today. So if donuts feel a little late today it's because they are. Blame it on this chaotic modern life –or, better yet, blame it on me. On the bright side, they're here! Give credit to Siri for allowing me to write t

Dear Members and Constutuents, Have you ever considered hiring a narrator for your day-to-day? A veritable Discovery Channel documentary commentator. You know the type, right? Someone with a deep voice who can make those ordinary tasks sound dramatic and the most mundane of decisions a matter of life or death. This style of narration has become a pandemic, infecting a large portion of the programming spectrum, spanning the range from the common reality show to the hallowed halls of scientific exploration. And while I must confess I find this trend somewhat annoying, part of me thinks it might be cool to apply it to my personal life (with a dramatic musical score, of course). I’d do it myself, but I find doing my own third person narration about events in my life a little too weird (or, eccentric if I were rich). Instead, how about I switch my attention to Art Weston (making his debut today as donut boy)? Imagine if you will Morgan Freeman, Alec Baldwin or Sigourney Weaver as she descr

Dear Members and Constituents, While the presidential debate raised the level of political discussion this week, the discourse in political commercials has fallen to new lows, making me want to ObaMitt… (smirk). This week, I figured I’d try to focus my attention outside this country for a bit, re-writing some global headlines. Here are a few that came to mind: Those turkeys in the Syrian government did some serious damage in Turkey A currency trader, labeled a traitor in Iran, confessed “I ran from the police to save my life” (amidst all the demonstrators in Tehran) Greasy protesters in Greece suspect Angela Merkel is not a visiting Angel of Mercy Hating NGOs in Haiti are competing to provide enriched peanut butter to peasants making peanuts I realize some of you may be grateful most news editors aren’t this cheesy. Well, neither are our donuts (I’ve read the ingredients and I can assure you there is no cheese). They’ve been at my desk since early this morning courtesy of retu

Dear Members and Constituents, Have computer interaction models ever interfered with your real life? You know what I’m talking about: trying to extrapolate behavior which is useful when interacting with your laptop or iPhone to less appropriate tasks. I hate to admit it, but it’s happened to me (here are a couple of examples). This morning as I was driving into work, the air was crisp and the stars seemed particularly bright. I recognized Orion but could not quite put my finger on the name for the seven sisters star cluster (Pleiades), so I instinctively pointed my finger at the constellation (briefly expecting roll-over text to pop-up and give me the answer). On occasion, when typing-out that urgent e-mail, hunger strikes. At times like this, I’ve caught myself reaching for the mouse and moving the pointer in the direction of my lunch box. The pointer, of course, decides the edge of the screen is as far as it will go, no matter how much further my hand and mouse move in a futile a

Dear Members and Constituents, With Jack FM’s recent format metamorphosis into ESPN radio, I find myself listening to NPR more frequently. Unintentionally humorous articles like the one about “el Loco”, a drug lord whose arrest will be a big blow to the cocaine trade (blow, cocaine… get it?). Or, the Swedish transplant experiment where a mother donates her uterus to her daughter (will the next child be her son or her grandson?). And after these fluff pieces, the dreaded words: “support for NPR comes from…”. An opening for my more cynical side to wonder how much of the news I hear are truly newsworthy and how objective they truly are. I think we can all agree neither Fox News nor the Huffington Post provide us a “fair and balanced” view of the world, but what of other media outlets? Surely public radio is immune, right? Could institutional support buy you a story—or worse, a slant on a story? Surely, all media outlets are going to cover an Ambassador’s murder or the Eurozone’s ongoing

Dear Members and Constituents, Here’s a little exercise to lighten-up the morning. Close your office door and say the following words out-loud:    App  |  Ant  |  Ape As you went down the list did you notice how your facial muscles progressed into a smile in order to pronounce the different variants of the “A” sound? To non-native English speakers like myself, it’s variants like these that make the language rather difficult to master. Why is it that “boo” and “book” have different vocalic sounds even though the only difference between them is a consonant at the end? Of course the “OO” in the middle of both words reminds me of (you guessed it) donuts. This morning Thomas Eng (whose last name has a different vocalic sound than the word "English" despite having the same spelling) makes his final tour of duty as donut boy, delighting us with four dozen LaMar’s donuts (minus two he has already consumed). No matter what language you speak at home, come grab yours and speak the

Dear Members and Constituents, With both conventions over-and-done, we now know how awful all the candidates really are (assuming, that is, you had the intestinal fortitude to put-up with all the nonsense). I must say I’m not particularly psyched about having to choose between an ineffective godless squanderer and an insensitive chauvinist waffler –respectively, as portrayed by the opposing party. Yes, I know for whom I’ll be voting and no, I won’t disclose which candidate I believe to be the lesser of two evils. I will say, however, I prefer LaMar’s Donuts’ version of a politics. They’ve struck-up a much sweeter tone by letting you choose between Dough-Bama and Mitt Yum-ney donuts. The only dirty part of their campaign are your sticky fingers when all is said and done. This morning, Karl Schaller (donut boy) delights us with four dozen delicious donuts from the aforementioned purveyor –although neither of the candidate donuts are represented. Still, you can come down and vot

Dear Members and Constituents, The full moon, still visible on my drive to work this morning, seemed an appropriate tribute to Neil Armstrong. The man who claimed the gold in the space race reminds me of another rivalry: LaMar’s vs. Krispy Kreme (admit it, you though I was going to go into politics). I know from my honorary post at the Friday Donut Club there are many die-hard fans of each, and trying to convince someone to switch sides is, well, futile. Fortunately this morning, everybody wins. Kevin Meadors (donut boy) has stepped-up with a crowd pleasing “two dozen of each”. So take a few small steps down to my office and give your taste buds a giant dose of sweetness. Happy Friday

Dear Members and Constituents, As hurricane Mitt threatens south Florida with traffic jams, I find myself bracing for the ensuing flood of political rhetoric which is about to bathe the airwaves through November. The spill-over into swing states like Colorado means we are likely to receive more than our fair share of politicians’ attention (not to mention buckets of advertising dollars). With all this bombardment of attack ads, it’s no surprise they call it a battleground state. That explains the F-16s flying overhead this week (that or they’re practicing for the airshow this weekend). That also explains something I saw on my drive to work this morning: the forest service was launching their Smokey the Bear hot air balloon in preparation for the battle to come –positioning it, I’m sure, to prevent the ensuing forest fires caused by the sparks flying out of the heated debate. I would have taken a better picture, but folks in the traffic jam building-up behind me were getting impatient.

Dear Members and Constituents, As the London Olympics came to a close last Sunday, one could almost hear a collective sigh of relief coming from the international Olympic committee. Relieved the games went well; relieved, of course, there were no Spice Girl wardrobe malfunctions, but most of all, relieved folks can still read roman numerals (can you imagine if people started referring to the event as "the games of the triple-X Olympiad"?). And while NBC attempts to remember life before becoming a sports network, Río de Janeiro braces for two world-class sporting events over the next four years. As for me, the fact Harry Potter’s home country failed to add Quidditch as a medal sport felt like a huge missed opportunity. An opportunity the city and county of Broomfield should seize immediately. Come to think of it, Broomfield would be the perfect place to have a Quidditch match (broom-field, get it?). It may be too late to submit a bid for the 2020 summer games, but timing is p

Dear Members and Constituents, This week, the most complex and expensive Mars mission to-date successfully landed on the red planet. Some of you may have, understandably, been too distracted by the Olympic medal race between the U.S. and China to notice, so I have taken the liberty of summarizing the news (by the way, this is one of those rare occasions where the line “were you on another planet?” does not have the desired effect). NASA’s six-wheeled car-size rover made an entrance in dramatic fashion, borrowing a page from Hollywood with seven minutes of terror , during which it transformed its shape five times and stuck a landing in a routine that would make any Olympic gymnast jealous. In an ironic twist, the first surface image to be sent by the rover –whose mission it is to search for signs of life—showed what appears to be a dead cat. During a hastily arranged press conference to explain this discovery, Dr. Fick Sho-Nahl, an exobiologist at NASA’s JPL indicated “the current hy

Dear Members and Constituents, Or should I say dear fellow time traveling sentient beings. As we move forward through time it seems change is intrinsic to this whole process. Winds blow rivers flow, volcanoes blow and blood pumps. The Earth orbits the sun which orbits the Milky Way which in turn orbits the Virgo Supercluster. We’re never the same from one instant to the next. Change in the weather, change in your wardrobe… change in your pocket yet somehow we seem impervious. It happens so slowly we hardly notice –and yet it's there. One good way to gauge the rate of change is to travel to a place you haven't been in a while, say Ecuador. During my latest trip I noticed cities were getting much bigger traffic is getting worse fast food chains were popping up everywhere. (Burger King anyone?). Older folks die younger folks look older kids you don't know. Everything is familiar yet new .obviously not all things change for the worse. One pattern I couldn't help but notic

Dear members and constituents, What chasm separates longing from gratefulness; regret from acceptance; envy from generosity? Why do we sometimes think all times past were better when so much good living is yet ahead of us? I think the difference between a hollow pursuit of happiness and the simple joy of living is all in your head. Looking back on my recent pilgrimage to Ecuador, I am glad for the time spent with family and friends. I enjoyed horseback riding in the mountains and eating ceviche in a shack by the beach (even though I must admit I regretted that decision the better part of the following week). And, yes, I could try to cling to the good times I had and begrudge coming back to work, but that attitude would prevent me from enjoying the good friends and awesome work I have right here. So while a month in the land of eternal spring may have left me utterly unprepared to bear the scorching summer heat, I look forward to getting back to a fantastic remainder of the year. Spea

---[Posted by Ed Stocker in JP's Absence]--- Dear Members and Constituents, With summertime well upon us many of you are likely grilling tonight. Those in the know say that 82% of all households have some form of a grill and this is the time of year most people will use it. There are multiple grill types available to allow the user to select their preferred cooking method. Do you prefer gas or charcoal? Is that propane or natural gas? Briquette or lump charcoal? Built in or portable? Direct heat or indirect? And don’t even get started thinking about smoker style grills unless you have the time to invest. There are almost as many different grills out there as there are different donuts in a variety pack. But I recently became aware of a new grill designed for tailgating that has me most excited. Its portable, runs on propane, has a standard grill, a griddle and a warming plate. Sounds pretty run of the mill. But this tailgating wonder has a deep fryer built into the middle of t

---[Posted by Ed Stocker in JP's absence]--- Dear Members and Constituents, It's amazing how quickly you lose track of time when you take a few days off. I thought I was getting up at the crack of dawn to send out this message on Donut delivery, when in fact it's more like the crack of brunch. Though I am tardy, Yulia Duryea, today's donut girl, is not. She has delivered four dozen delicious treats for you today, so come by and enjoy. Ed

---[Posted by Ed Stocker in JP's absence]--- Dear Members and Constituents, Today finds me challenged with VPN Connectivity. The email I had drafted is sitting unreachable behind walls of an electronic prison. But put on a happy face and don't let that ruin your Friday. The wind has shifted and yesterday's haze from the Wyoming fire is gone. And for those of you in the office, today's donut girl, Jessica Battista, has delivered four dozen Lamar's for your enjoyment. Happy Friday, Ed

[Written by Ed Stocker in JP's Absence] Dear Members and Constituents, Has anyone else been watching the US Olympic Swimming trials on TV recently? Seems every time I turn on the TV we’re picking another Olympian. Gymnastics and track are coming up next. Pretty soon the entire US team will be ready to go. If we were to, and I’m not saying we will, but if we were to have a Donut Olympics what would be the competitions? I’m not talking a donut eating contest, that would be a possibility for the International Olympic Committee to add or perhaps through a host country making competitive eating an exhibition sport. Some Donut Olympics event possibilities; Best Glazing Donut Synchronization Most Dunkable Donut Most Jelly, Jelly Filled Heavyweight Sara Baack is taking her turn today as Donut Girl and has delivered Four dozen of Lamar’s finest for our enjoyment. While picking one up take a moment to consider - what events should be included in the Donut Olympics? Not sure how

JP may be out of the country, but the following note arrived this morning via courier service. === Dear Members and Constituents, I find it strange that Wikileaks Alum Julian Assange would pick Ecuador to open its doors (for Political asylum). This country suppresses the freedom of press , rather ironic a man who's iconic for spilling the beans on so many regimes now wants to get shelter from a massive offender . What's not a surprise , you should realize is the presence of donuts , Melissa Matthews is on it , (having just delivered four dozen Lamar’s beauties). Come on down and get yours , lest exhaustion occurs . Happy Friday! JP González

[Written by Ed Stocker in JP's Absence] Dear Members and Constituents, Some of you may not have heard, but the biggest thing happening this weekend is later today. Nik Wallenda of the infamous flying Wallenda’s will dare gravity, mock the wind and risk his life in a death defying attempt to walk a tightrope over Niagara falls. Sounds exciting right? Well Nik doesn’t sound any too happy about it. ABC is the event sponsor and they have decided that Nik must wear a tether for his walk today. It may just be me, but I think that takes a little bit away for the event. Would Evil Knievel have been as popular as he was if he had raced his motorcycle up a ramp to jump 24 Serta Perfect Sleeper Memory Foam Adjustable Bed Mattresses while hooked to a giant bungee cord? I don’t think so. Well, today you don’t have to play it safe, you can fly like a true Wallenda. Matt Hawthorne has delivered 4 dozen Krispy Kreme’s for our breathtaking enjoyment. So come by JPs office and pick one up. H

[Posted by Ed Stocker in JP's absence] Dear Members and Constituents, In the immortal words of Frosty the Snowman “Happy Birthday!” For those few of you tenured enough to remember (and I am not one of them), today marks the 8th, yes 8th anniversary of the Donut Club. This auspicious occasion finds JP out of the office visiting family and friends in Ecuador. I know one of his goals is to have the Donut Club become an everlasting part of Level 3. The symbolism of the 8th anniversary is fitting as the symbol for infinity, ∞, appears as an 8 on its side. This is also traditionally known as the bronze anniversary. While trying to take a bite out of a chuck of metal sounds neither fun nor appetizing, to me the Donuts appear to have taken on a bit of a bronze luster. To mark the day I present to you some lines of verse written by JP on his Ecuadorian travels - If I had been told, in June of 'oh-four eight years from that date it still was my fate to be at the core of d

Dear Members and Constituents, Happy national doughnut day ! As you consider ways to celebrate, let me throw an idea into the mix. What better way to celebrate this perfect first Friday of June by plunging into the second half of the year with a big smile covering the bottom third of your face. Start by ridding your mind of any care and imagining fluffy baby bunnies frolicking in the green grass (that is unless, of course, you suffer from leporiphobia in which case, envision yourself tossing the holy hand grenade of Antioch at the killer rabbit ). Remember the crisp morning breeze tossing your hair around as it caressed your face when you walked into the office this morning . Now flex your cheek muscles until your eyes squint a little and your teeth show… there you have it, a smile on your face. If that did not do the trick, bring to mind five dozen donuts materializing before your eyes. The sweet smell wafting through the air. Fortunately, you don’t need to rely on your imagination

Dear Members and Constituents, Last Sunday, the giant disco ball in the sky briefly obscured the sun (aka an eclipse). A nod, perhaps, to the departure from this planet of two disco luminaries: Robin Gibb of the Bee Gees and Donna Summer, it’s queen. Yes, disco was declared dead with the demise of the ‘70s decade, but this may well be the last nail in the coffin. Then again, maybe not. If I were a betting man, my money would be on a tide of curiosity listeners giving a sales boost to the genre these folks epitomized. Who knows, this short-term spike may influence young musicians and before you know it a slew of disco-inspired acts are topping the charts. Crazy talk, you say? Perhaps, but crazier things have been known to happen. Take bell bottom jeans. They came back from the grave, even though they are highly impractical and everyone I know had sworn off them forever – I must confess I’m rooting against a goldfish-filled platform shoe resurgence. Whatever happens, disco was a brainle

Dear Members and Constituents, My trip to Buenos Aires last week opened my eyes to a few interesting contrasts I thought I’d share with you this morning: Wide vs. Narrow: The old San Telmo neighborhood is crossed by narrow cobblestone streets and you can walk them right-up to Avenida 9 de Julio, reportedly the widest street in the world. Talk about over-compensating. Friendly to a Fault: Our hosts were extremely friendly. So were some older gentlemen on the street who were making cat calls and harassing younger women walking by. White vs. Pink: While Cristina Fernandez, the current occupant may be a woman, the seat of government has always been pink. I was surprised to see how accessible the pink house was. America vs. Europe: The city had some very European architecture. Palermo Chico, Calle Alvear, la Recoleta and San Telmo all had an old world feel to them. On the other hand, villa 31 (an illegal settlement condoned by the government) reminded me of a favela Food vs. Fit: A c

[Written by Ed Stocker while JP is out] Dear Members and Constituents, Don't cry for me Argentina The truth is I never left you All through my wild days My mad existence I kept my promise Don't keep your distance This week finds our donut sensei traveling south to Buenos Aires. I picture him standing on a balcony singing to the descamisados in a silk evening gown - Don't cry for me Argentina Your donuts are warm and fluffy Sweet and delicious Good with coffee Every Friday In my Office I expect we will have a full report next week on the state of Donut Culture in Argentina. Until then, it is my pleasure to let you know that Donut Boy Chris Hynes has delivered four dozen of LaMar's donuts for your enjoyment. JP may be gone but the donuts are in the same place. Come and enjoy! -Ed

Dear members and constituents, While attending a Spanish rock concert on Tuesday night I could not help but notice several changes have taken place since I first started going to such events – long, long ago. Perhaps a sign of the times (or just a sign I'm getting older) here are a few developments which caught my eye: A thousand points of light : When the lights went down and the band began to play, a plethora of flickering little candles was there between me and the stage. Lighters were replaced by the glow of a myriad camera phones capturing shoddy images for Facebook. “Lost in the moment” has sadly given way to “capture the moment”. Skin : Lots of skin to be seen. Shorts, skirts and shirts revealing legs, arms and tummies. Surrounded by a sea of people struggling to get a glimpse of what is arguably one of the biggest acts in modern Spanish language music, I discovered an interesting correlation. The surface area of exposed skin is inversely proportional to the attractivene

Dear Members and Constituents, A recent study suggests creative people have a greater propensity towards dishonesty. Having been accused of clever musings, I can’t help but wonder whether my legacy will now be forever tainted. Should we now start taking offense when folks praise our originality or commend our ingenuity? The next time the boss says you’re clever, should it be your first impulse to deny everything? At least there are no four letter synonyms or monosyllabic substitutes, which bodes well for the reputation of this concept. If it takes too long to say something, folks are less likely to use a word as an insult. And this does not account for people in uncreative professions who become crooks (then again, perhaps that's why they call it creative accounting). I guess the bottom line is many factors determining our character and allowing a natural propensity for bad behavior to flourish is easier if you have the creativity to hide it. In other words bad liars get caught a

Dear Members and Constituents, When you take a photo of a fast moving object, the amount of motion blur depends on the exposure settings. The shorter the period of time light is allowed to enter the camera, the crisper the image. Still, even the shortest exposure is not instantaneous (the mechanical process of opening and closing the shutter takes a few fractions of a second). But what If you could stop time altogether to capture an image of things perfectly still. What would such an image look like? Once you get past the mechanics (e.g. if light is not moving, how can you see anything?) and any pre-conceived notions that come from being a temporal creature (e.g. the bias towards thinking such an image should be ultra-crisp), you’re ready to explore the question. If things are made of atoms –and atoms are mostly void—then, absent the motion blur of billions of electrons creating the illusion of mass you’d end-up with… well, not a lot. Our snapshot should have well over 99% of the “stu

Dear members and constituents, How about a calorie exchange? If companies can have the permission to pollute so long as they pay others to offset their bad habits, why not apply the same principle to food? If the federal government were to impose a dietary cap-and-trade program, how would that work? First off it would have to have a clever name. Something like the MORPH Act (Morbid Obesity Reduction Promoting Health) or the FIT Law (Food Ingestion Trade) or even the THIN Plan (Transform Hefty Individual Nutrition). Enforcement, of course, would have to be overseen by the FFA (Fatties Funding Anorexics). Whatever the name, caloric intake would be capped at a pre-set limit (something like 2,000 calories) and those with more robust appetites could purchase calorie credits from more Spartan eaters. This could come especially handy on days like today where 4-20 observers might get the munchies later on (increasing the People's Republic of Boulder’s trade deficit). As with any governmen

Dear Members and Constituents, Happy Friday the 13th! It seems our culture is becoming less superstitious. These days airlines have 13th rows and many buildings have 13th floors. I'm not superstitious myself –if I were, its Tuesday the 13th that's the unlucky day in Ecuador. Still, just because you don't believe in something doesn't mean it's not real. Take, for example, the fact that Ed Stocker has to send this email out for me today because my hard drive has crashed. I don't believe the date or Gremlins had anything to do with it, but still, a little eerie. Perhaps a little bit of a stretch, but I also forgot my lunch at home today. Then again, there are four dozen donuts at my desk, courtesy of Mack Greene (donut boy). He wanted to get something off the beaten path but didn't have any luck. Instead, we get LaMar's donuts. Even if you're not superstitious, come have a donut to ward off bad luck. After all, a donut with a bite out of it is remini

Dear Members and Constituents, I love springtime in Colorado. Driving to work on a clear frozen morning, windows up, convertible top down and heat on high. I let my mind wander as the crisp, cold wind mixes with the hot air wafting through my feet. I turn the radio off and let the soundtrack in my head blast, as I play with words and arrange thoughts to write you this note. The occasional bird song or sweet smell distracts my attention this way or that. I notice the skeletal trees have undergone a sudden metamorphosis, now dressed in pink, white or salmon –an image plucked from a Dr. Seuss book. The breeze deposits fallen petals, adorning green blades of grass with faux snow. The moon I had seen rise in beautiful silver last night has undergone some form of alchemy and now sets golden over the mountains. The sunrise follows shortly behind, tinting the thin clouds on the horizon bright shades of pink, fuchsia, orange and mustard. I envision myself embarking on an expedition to the unkn

Dear Members and Constituents, This week, sprinkled-in with spring break vacation, I had the opportunity to visit a traveling relic exposition. If you’ve never been to one, it is quite a site. Imagine one hundred and sixty golden reliquaries neatly arranged on 19 tables. Next to each, a brief fact sheet for the saint whose fragment of bone, flesh or personal belonging is visible through the glass opening. As I wandered the exhibit, I could not help but wonder at the large number of nearly two thousand-year-old remnants in the room. Yes, the fragments were, for the most part, very small, however the thought of actually beholding a piece of Dismas, the good thief or Mark the evangelist was humbling. And that’s just the warm-up. There were two special tables –with corresponding long lines. Unlike the rest, one was not allowed to lift these relics and time with them was limited to thirty seconds. I only made the line for one –which had bits of the crown of thorns, the spear that pierced J

Dear Members and Constituents, It's March so, logically, our attention turns to… football? On one hand we have Peyton Manning's horse trading –going from colts (young horses) to broncos (wild horses). On the other, a Tim Tebow trade to Tampa, Texas or the Tennessee Titans would have made for a cool alliteration. Instead, real life is somewhat less poetic –although I suppose one could argue the high-flying quarterback is appropriately landing with the Jets. I like David Letterman’s take on whole situation, "I guess that answers the question of what would Jesus do?" (even if Pat Robertson doesn't agree). I guess this is why they call it March madness. I realize some of you may be more attuned to that other March sport… hoops. You'll be happy to know Caroline Reuss has delivered four dozen sweet hoops. Come grab yours before your favorite is eliminated. Happy Friday!

Dear Members and Constituents, Sometimes in life, it’s good to take a step back and laugh. Laugh at ourselves. Laugh at the absurdity of a situation. Above all, laugh at jargon, routine and the people so immersed in them they’re unintentionally funny. This morning, I wanted to share a couple of examples of the latter. Exhibit A: Microsoft error report My computer can be less than cooperative. It sometimes decides it’s too tired to do what I want –or perhaps just does not want to do what I want. It slows down, becomes unresponsive and then stops working altogether. On the bright side, when I reboot it, I get this message (screen shot below). It always puts a smile on my face to imagine the folks at Microsoft discussing this error message. Who thought it would be a good idea to use the antiquated 56K Modem as the standard for network speed? (and who believes 21 minutes is a reasonable amount of time to spend sending Microsoft information about their unexpected error?). Somebody at th

Dear members and constituents How old are you? I'm not trying to pry into your privacy or get you to reveal your chronological age. I'm talking about that age you think you are when you forget yourself. Those times you're lost in the moment, unaware of social conventions or proper etiquette –that is of course, until you're reminded by some ache or sideways glance at a mirror that you're older (or younger). You know what I'm talking about, don't you? I realize some of you may be shocked to hear I'm mentally out of my teens, but if I'm honest about it, I am about 22 at heart. Out of school, old enough to buy a beer and cool enough to hang with the other kids. Although I've been frozen in this state for a while, it hasn't always been that way. At 15 I was 18, at 10 I was 40 and at five I was... five. So, without telling me how many times you've orbited the sun, can you say how old you are? Really? Well, regardless of your age (mental or oth

Dear Members and Constituents, How do large companies prevent employees from using the visitor parking? The answer is not as straightforward you’d expect. Granted, clearly marking the spots is a good start, but what of enforcement? Security may have police aspirations, but they have no real power. Compounding the problem, false positives could upset vendors –or worse, customers… so you issue official-looking threats on paper. This morning we explore this question, thanks to Anne Claeys, who was kind enough to share her experiences –and ticket– with me. Having flown-in from Rochester, this employee parked her rental in visitor parking. Consider the following, if you will: She is based out-of-town, so technically, one could argue she is visiting She does not have a Parking Permit, so she can’t very well park in the employee parking (and getting a permit for such a short period of time seems wasteful). Furthermore, the car for which she would get the permit is a rental. The tic

Dear Members and Constituents, A re b izarre C ompositions  d ead? E xtinct f orever? G one? Has industrialization jauntily killed lyricism? Methinks not. Our proposal quietly reveals something there… unseen verses willingly ‘xposing youthful zeitgeist. After briefly considering despair –embracing failure, going home– It just kept lingering, my notion of providing quality reading, sorting these unruly vain words ‘xcruciatingly, yes, zealously alphabetized. Boldly celebrating donuts, everyone’s favorite guilty habit, is Julius¹, keenly leveraging Matt². Not one pastry quashed. Ravenously swallow this unusual variety, with ‘xhilarating yummy zest! Happy Friday! ¹ Julius Pasion (donut boy) ² Matt Hawthorne, who delivered donuts on Julius’ behalf. The latter is working from home today to care for his newborn child. Congratulations to the new dad! P.S. Those reading on a device without formatting support may be questioning my sanity. What could possibly be driving my word a

Dear Members and Constituents, The script for the current shenanigans between Israel and Iran seems borrowed from the pages of Spy vs. Spy. With tit-for-tat targeted attacks, it's open season on nuclear scientists and diplomatic staff. The latest episode has Thailand trying to tout itself as a tourist attraction, not a spot for terrorist attacks. Whilst the love-crazy were giving their sweethearts sticky bonbons this week, these crazies were playing like retards with sticky bombs. Speaking of sticky and sweet, donuts have finally arrived. Kelly Becker (donut girl) made a brief appearance this morning, taking time off from moonlighting as an international woman of mystery (why else would she be taking Friday off?) to hand the “packages” to her “contact”. While the transaction was almost botched, they managed to pull it off and donuts are here. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to come over to the new secret FDC headquarters and blast your taste buds into bliss. Ha

Dear Members and Constituents, My office move is complete. I am fully unpacked and my new office feels 20 pounds lighter. I took the opportunity to do some early Spring cleaning a couple of weeks ahead of the season (in case you were wondering, I did shred all those ten-year-old “proprietary and confidential” documents –just in case). We’ll see how long my organization, cleanliness and new office smell last. I am aware this move may be causing folks in my new row consternation about foot traffic and property values –and confusion for donut club members everywhere. For the former, there is not much I can do (except to ask them to trust the benefits will outweigh the costs). For the latter, that is you loyal FDC members, I have created this treasure map to help navigate your way to the new location (as should be customary in pirate maps, donuts mark the spot). Speaking of confusion, John Schoder (donut boy) was a little waylaid on his way here, but has finally arrived. He makes

Dear Members and Constituents, Did you watch the Super Bowl last night? Regardless of which team you were rooting for -you have to pick a team in order to care- the commercials were, as expected, overrated. Yes there are a couple of exceptions: M&Ms "that kind of party" and the Hyundai cheetah race were two of my favorites. Still, most companies chose to play it safe –not always the best strategy (ask any football fan watching their team give-up a big lead by allowing short passes to protect against deep routes). I will also grant you the surprise ending of the VW Ferris Bueller commercial was a pleasant surprise (I'm a sucker for Darth Vader using the force to strangle people). As for the rest of the commercials, I think I've forgotten them already (much like the Patriots probably want to forget the Giants). This fine Monday morning, Ed Stocker has done anything but play it safe. After giving-up an early lead on Friday (he fell prey to the classic blizzar

Dear Members and Constituents, I think it was Albert Einstein who said time is relative. I have to assume this truism also applies to the other half of the time-space continuum (namely distance). Whether Sunday’s Super Bowl match becomes game of inches remains to be seen, however, in building the case for the relativity of space, I have a couple of examples for you. After six years in the same office, I will be moving twenty five steps away from my current desk next Wednesday (to 32C-510). To most FDC members, that will mean your round trip to grab a donut will be extended by 30 steps. I have to believe this change in your morning donut commute will have little or no effect on your consumption or willingness to partake (if anything, the added exercise should encourage you to compensate for those extra burned calories with an extra donut). On the other hand, I’m willing to bet the foot of snow we had overnight and the prospect of another foot today (admittedly a much smaller “d

Dear Members and Constituents, Have you ever shaved your tongue? You see how it could happen, right? You're in the shower, shaving. You have a razor in your hand. For whatever reason, you decide to gargle with water from the shower head. You spit-it-out and suddenly, you're in toothbrush mode. By the time you realize you’re not cleaning your tongue, you’ve shaved a piece off. Know what I'm talking about? Has this ever happened to you? Yeah, me neipher. As we begin a new cycle, can you imagine what would happen if I forgot to send calendar reminders for the next rotation? You can see how it could happen, right? Schedules get hectic, tongues get shaved, and before you know it, you have a donut-less angry mob at my door. Yeah, well it didn't. Steve Hibbard kicks-off the new rotation on the right foot with four dozen delicious LaMar's donuts. We have most sizes and textures (including lots of specialty) for those extra sensitive tongues that may (or may not) be o

Dear Members and Constituents, All good things must come to an end. Ships sink (think the Costa Concordia off the coast of Italy), Super Bowl hopes can go up in smoke with one humiliating defeat (just ask the Denver Broncos) and, if you trust the Maya, the world will end this year (either that or they ran out of room on their calendar). Free speech on the Internet will end if SOPA and PIPA proponents have their way (and you buy into all the detractors’ hype). U.S. Military presence in Iraq, Jon Huntsman's presidential aspirations, and even the longest meetings eventually come to an end. And so to it is with the Friday Donut Club (dramatic pause). After 14 months, our current rotation finally comes to an end today.  On this the final day of the 12 th rotation, Tammy Fernandez makes her debut. Four dozen delicious donuts which will inevitably vanish. Next week, I'll be sending-out your assignments for the 13 th rotation but for now come enjoy a donut before they're all

Dear Members and Constituents, Happy Friday the 13 th . On this lucky morning my head was immersed in the clouds as I started my drive to work. I was wondering what I might write when, wouldn’t you know it, up in front of me pulls-up a pick-up truck with license plate number 077-WJP. Kind of eerie if you’re superstitious. On this unlucky day, a car with your initials and two lucky numbers in a row must be some sort of omen. Of course, I don’t believe in superstition, however I do believe in an objective Reality (upper case “R”, if you will) which exists outside of my individual perception (e.g. if I jump off a cliff, gravity will make sure I fall and die, no matter how hard I try to fly). I also believe each of us lives in our own individual version of that reality (lower case “r”), a sub-set of the world we choose to focus upon based on our preferences and limitations (e.g. I might find the view from the edge of the cliff amazing, you might focus on your own exhaustion from the cl